Don't...

I don't want to hear anymore lies.
I don't want to feel guilty for something i shouldn't.
I don't want to get used anymore.
I just don't...

(Kind of a short story, advice, diary thingy, inspired by some feelings I've had lately).

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3. Don't promise me tonight, without tomorrow too...

Some of the people you love, and people you think will never use you, they will.

Using people for you own benefit is never okay no matter how you're doing it or what your intentions are.

The way stories like this often pan out, is that they gain your trust, making them believe whatever they say, and then all of a sudden leaving. This could already be the next day, the next week or the next month. It doesn't really matter. The point is, trust is gained because they want something, and trust is then broken whenever they got what they wanted.

This topic covers a lot of different scenarios:

- School/work projects

- Anything to do with money

- Sexual/emotionel pleasures

- Popularity

- Getting closer to others

and the list goes on and on...

 

I think we all at one point or another have tried this when it comes to the school project scenario; as I call it. Either being the one getting used to get a better grade in the class, or being the one wanting a better grade, without doing the work. In this situation most of the time (of course always depending on the circumstances) is the consequences not too serious. Yes, the person being used might get annoyed or angry and not wanting to work together with you again, but then that's all.

Though, as soon as you move on to more serious topics like sexual and or emotionel situations, things are a lot different. The reason for this is, that this now is a personal matter. You choose to be vulnerabel with another person, who you typically care a lot about. So if they take advantage of you sexually or emotionally it's much worse. It's hard to describe the feelings you get, whenever you realize that this has happened to you. And sadly, a lot more girls have experienced this than you think. 

You get mad. Mad at the person who did this to you, but mostly you get mad at yourself. It's not like sexual assault, which also is a horrible horrible thing. Because now, it's all your fault; kind of. You chose to do whatever you did. You gave your consent, thinking they felt the same as you. You fell for their act. Of course, being mad at that person for using and or taking advantage of you is also happening. But mostly it's selfhate, which is one of the worst things in the world. But you can't help it. You feel stupid, gullible, ashamed, hurt, broken, exposed, embarrassed, scared, guilty and much more. But you shouldn't feel any of the above. technically wasn't this your fault. They used you and not the other way around. The thing is though, that you keep thinking that it is... And it's not like you fell that you can tell anyone "what happened to you", because again you gave your consent, but it was then their choice to be an asshole after you opened up to them.

The worst part is almost the thought of them knowing what they did, and not caring. They saw you at your weakest, well aware of what's going on, and now you at often times have to see them again, casually in your everyday life. At work, in the halls at school, in your town, on social media, at parties, when your with your friends... It hurts to look at them, but you can't let them know. You can't let them know, that they hurt you. That this person took something special from you, even though you allowed it at the time. 

So you smile at them. They think you're okay with it. That you are "chill", and everything is good in the world. But it's not.

 

Just breathe, don't even let them get to you, talk to someone your close to.

And most importantly.

Don't let them do anything like it again; To you, your friends or anyone for that matter.

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