Please Kill Me

This is an after Undertale (Uppertale!) fanfiction with Sans x OC, Alpys x Undyne, and soon Papyrus x Mettaton. The OC is a neko, as in she looks like a human but has cat ears and a fluffy tail.


2. Skeletons Don't Have Lips

Just as they had scheduled, Sans and Celeste met up at Grillby's at eight pm. Celeste arrived first, picking a small table near the jukebox. She ordered a burger, a large fry, and a chocolate milkshake.

"Oh, and could you bring out a bottle of ketchup please? I'm meeting Sans," she added.

Even though it was hard to tell- having fire for a head and all- Celeste could've sworn she saw a smug look on Grillby's face. Right as Grillby left to make her order, Sans walked in. She called him over, and everyone saw that the punny skeleton had a date.

"Hey, Sans! Quite the girl you got there!"

"Someone's getting lucky tonight!"


As the cat-calling and the teasing continued, Sans' face turned more and more flushed with a blue blush. He quickly sat down, trying to ignore the other monsters' calls.

"Sorry. Most of the monsters in Snowdin have such non-existent love-lives that they're determined to ruin everyone else's," Sans said loudly.

Celeste snorted, holding in laughter. Immediately the teasing died down. Everyone understood that they were pissing off their favorite comedian. 

"I ordered you a bottle of ketchup, just like you like it," said Celeste.

"Handmade by the Great Food-Giving Grillby, with tomatoes grown from the best crops in Waterfall?" He joked.

"Well, I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup found in the dump. But sure, we'll go with that," she replied, making Sans snicker.

One and a half hour later, Celeste's food was eaten, Sans' ketchup was drunk, and Grillby was shoving them out of the closed restaurant. The pair headed back to Sans' house, and the two were greeted by the loudest, most egotistical skeleton in existence.


"I'm Celeste. I'm the new monster you made spaghetti for the other day,"


"Well, it was... um... neither of those things!" Papyrus looked sad, and Sans had that 'I'm Gonna Kill You For Depressing My Brother' look. "In reality it was one of the best meals I've ever had!"

Papyrus' face lightened up, and Sans sighed in relief. "REALLY? I'LL HAVE TO MAKE YOU MORE THEN!"

"I'd love that,"

While Papyrus cooked lots more horrible food for Celeste, Sans and her went up to his room. They sat down on his bed to chat and hang out.

"Thank God you didn't tell Papyrus about his cooking. Not only would it depress him to the point of killing himself, but I'd have to kill you too," Sans said.

"Um, okay? But I don't think he'd kill himself. Seems to me he likes himself too much to do that,"

The two talked more about what Papyrus would do when faced with the fact that he sucked at cooking until they had run the topic through the mud. After a few moments of silence, Sans decided to break it.

"I have a question,"


"Have you ever kissed someone?"

"That's an odd topic. Well, technically yes. But only once, and it was in a Truth or Dare game with one of the worst people I've ever met. His name was Bradley, and he was your run of the mill douche. Trust me, the only reason I agreed is because I hate chickening out of dares," Celeste answered. "Since it was a dare, the kiss doesn't really count,"

"Well, then you and I are in the same boat," Sans replied. "I've never kissed anyone either,"

"That's actually kind of surprising. Although, how would a skeleton kiss? I mean, you don't have-" Celeste was cut off by Sans leaning over and softly kissing her. "Lips..."

She was right. Skeletons don't have lips. So instead Sans pressed the bone where his lips would be covering up against Celeste's lips. She wrapped her arms around Sans, and he did the same.


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