I wasted too much time on feelings and pleasing others, I won’t make that mistake again.

Spark! The all new dating app for millennials! Everyone has a match somewhere, you just need to find that spark!


1. Chapter One.

Chapter One




All alone now. I’ve officially moved out and I’m starting university in a couple of days’ time. Everything I owned for the last 18 years of my life is either in this room or in storage now, my dad is getting rid of my childhood home. We really don’t need the space now, ever since mum left with my younger sister, Mei. I think he just kept the house for my sake. Loneliness is an overwhelming feeling. When I had my dad and grandparents here helping me, I felt alright, but now they’ve left all I can think about is how lonely my days will be.


The room in front of me was comparable to a prison. Walls painted in a beige paint but I could see the brickwork of the room as they had not been plastered, but the walls weren’t thick either as I could hear my flat mate and her family as clear as day. My desk was barely a desk, yes there was a desk chair but the way the room was arranged meant that I couldn’t spin it around in it due to my bedside table being directly behind it. Yes, my iMac was on the desk but it didn’t help improve my “room”. I dreaded to think how I would manage that night feeling constrained in a single bed when, for over half of the years I remember, I was sleeping in a double.


I thought back to my old place, I had just managed to get it the way I liked it. My walls white with my skirting boards black, my monochrome theme continued with my décor. Glass photo frames that are now empty, black and white bedding with matching throw cushions, black and white polka-dot rug in the centre of the room. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone pinging.


Matt sent you a new message!


I don’t know why I downloaded that app. Stupid thing, only to do with peoples looks. Em talked me into downloading the app when my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend, of 3 years broke up with me.


“Come on! You need to get out there. You aren’t going to be able to move on if you’re sat at home watching Friends all day eating Ben and Jerry’s are you?” she said “Even if it's just for a little bit of fun now and then, it won’t do you any harm? It’s just an app, what’s the worst it can do?”


That was two months ago and all the guys just want one thing, sex. I sighed. Curious at what crude chat up line this guy could come up with, although I was sure I had seen them all, I opened up the app.


Matt: Hey you are incredibly pretty :* also, you have a great taste in music.


Ah, finally someone who reads a bio! I chuckled at that. Looking back at my bio I put back then it was cringe-worthy, admittedly I wasn’t the one that wrote it… that was Em. It read:


Astrophysics and Music Technology Student. Bring Me The Horizon and Pierce The Veil are my favourite bands but I listen to any decent music. English-Italian hybrid, geeky and arty, unique and beautiful person


God, what was she thinking? It's like she pointed out all the things I hate about myself. Also, my photos are the ones I hate the most. From nights out before I discovered setting spray so my makeup had run by the end of the night and the group photos where everyone else looks 10 times better than me. How could he think that I’m pretty at all? I thought he was super cute and out of my league. Slightly emo but not the eyeliner and fringe type, messy hair, a good jawline and deep brown eyes that I could get lost in, framed by dark glasses which he obviously needed if he thought my face was pretty. I couldn’t quite remember why I thought to swipe right on his profile because I thought I wouldn’t have a chance with someone like him but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind. I decided to reply with a simple thank you and chose to about my day, trying to forget about the loneliness inside and the message sent by this guy I’ll probably never meet.


The first few hours of loneliness is weird. I tried not to be on my phone too much to remove the temptation to call my dad to take me home. My flat mates were just that. Flat, boring and one dimensional. They got along with each other but probably because they all enjoy reading girly novels and like the same sort of music, I prefer to read books like “A Brief History of Time” by Stephen Hawking and listening to music by bands like I Prevail. While they were busy getting to know each other in the kitchen, I was sat in my room, trying to ignore my phone from the messages I was getting from Spark! but I noticed Matt had tried to contact me during the day and I’m useless at ignoring people. Turning over my phone to see how many notifications I had, I noticed that I had only had one message from Matt, the rest were from my grandparents wondering how I was settling and other creeps on Spark! messaging me, probably creepy chat up lines or sending me GIFs of Joey from Friends saying his trademark phrase “How you doin?”. Maybe Matt didn’t mean to send me that message before and replied to me apologising as he sent it to the wrong person. Dreading what he put, I opened the app anyway and was pleasantly surprised that he didn’t do what I expected. Instead of brutally rejecting me he was wondering how my day was, and he wasn’t creepy by messaging me every half an hour or so asking why I wasn’t responding like some “gentlemen” on the app. My heart did a little flip, why would it do that? I barely know the guy, the first non-creepy guy that gives me attention and I go all goo-goo for him.


Anthea: Yeah, my days been okay. Moved into university today and feel kinda lonely… just something I have to get used to I suppose.


Assuming it would take him a while to reply I decided to look at what event was on tonight at the university as part of “freshers week”. Seemed like it was some kind of disco or something. Eight o’clock seems like an appropriate time to start getting ready. The mass of blonde mess that is now my hair was already curled from having my mid length hair in twist braids whilst I slept the night before, still it looked far from amazing because of the damage the bleach has done to it, my natural brown colour taken away the other week in just thirty short minutes, changing the way I look and making my hair a dead mess in the process. Attempting to cover up the redness on my cheeks, green colour corrector was plastered onto my cheeks but once the foundation was put on it made little difference, my redness still managed to be a strong presence on my face. Concealer was liberally slapped on and blended out making no noticeable difference and I applied eyeliner like I did in the day time as it was the only thing I knew, a little wing and nothing else special. My clothes were nothing special, I didn’t want the attention teaming a nice white lace crop top and with some black ripped skinny jeans with some black heels.


Nine Thirty. Early. The event starts at Ten and I don’t want to be early either. I’m not really one for going out or getting drunk, I’d much rather be at home, my real home, and listen to my own music or watch YouTube. I don’t like the music they play in clubs, too repetitive and haven’t got a progression that is noticeable. They’re just full of crescendos (build ups) that lead to nothing. Crescendos are meant to build up to a big emotive part of the song, loud and passionate, not just to end a chorus or verse. Guys looking like you like you’re a piece of meat, girls giving you side eye if the guy they like is looking at you like a piece of meat (because being looked that way isn’t horrible at all!). I would much rather stay out of it and be in my own company at home. I sound like a bit of a loner but that’s because I am, if I don’t let people close to me then no one can hurt me, simple. I let that happen once and then look at what happened, they leave me because they “don’t want to be a distraction at university”, and then I find out that they had been cheating on me for over a year. I wasted too much time on feelings and pleasing others, I won’t make that mistake again.


Turning towards my bedside, I grabbed my phone and looked at what’s been going on. A few Facebook messages, something from snapchat and another message from Matt.


Matt: Awwwww, that’s a shame. I wish I could pop down to see you and keep you company. I’m sure you’ll make friends at uni, don’t worry.


Before I swiped right, I barely looked at his bio. Didn’t think to check the distance between us or our common likes on Facebook or even if we had mutual friends, I was like one of those superficial girls who only date hot guys, whose personality when added to theirs isn’t equal to even half of a normal human being. Investigating, it turns out that Matt was less than 30 miles away from me, not even 2 hours away on the train (since I don’t drive). I mean, I could see him whenever I want but emotions are messy and I don’t want to get involved with anything. Being hurt sucks and hurting people sucks even more.


Anthea: Yeah, like that’ll happen. People can’t stand me and I don’t get most people.


Matt: Well, you seem alright from the little I’ve spoken to you. You like the same music as me and I’m sure we have a lot in common. Is it alright if I get to know you better?


Anthea: Okay, but just warning you, you’ll end up hating me.


Matt: That’s for me to find out, don’t be so harsh on yourself. So, what else are you into apart from extremely good music?

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