Review Store {Open}

Hi, and welcome to my brand new and improved Review Store!!


4. For Izzy. The. Potato

The Murder Of Miss. McGee.


I think you're cover was okay but didn't really say a whole lot about your story. Maybe if you had darker colours and maybe people looking sad or a funeral or something like that, it would show more what your story is about, and what people are to expect while reading your story.


I think your whole story is a mystery, or plot. And I feel you are doing it right. By making a mystery, of who killed her, and how Daniel thinks it wasn't her dad, but other people think it was, and that really add suspense on to your story.


You're punctuation wasn't great, but nobody's really amazing at this part. You're good at adding comma's an periods, and quotations, but maybe you didn't know this, but every time a new character talks, you start a new paragraph.

For example;

You wrote:

' "See Daniel look what you did." Olive said, "Sorry." I said.'

When it should be:

"See Daniel look what you did." Olive said,

"Sorry." I said.

It just gives the reader more space to understand who is talking and what they're saying.


I think you're characters you have introduced so far are amazing, because you have Jasmine's friends, and Leslie who was her friend and know one knew it, so I think the way your characters interact with eachother is very well written.

So over all I would recommend your story to people who like a good mystery, because I found this very interesting really.

Thank you so much for letting me review your story, I'm sorry I couldn't write a whole bunch because you only had three chapters, but I hope this advice somewhat helped you.

Happy writing,

Emily xx

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...