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4. For Izzy. The. Potato

The Murder Of Miss. McGee.

Cover:

I think you're cover was okay but didn't really say a whole lot about your story. Maybe if you had darker colours and maybe people looking sad or a funeral or something like that, it would show more what your story is about, and what people are to expect while reading your story.

Plot:

I think your whole story is a mystery, or plot. And I feel you are doing it right. By making a mystery, of who killed her, and how Daniel thinks it wasn't her dad, but other people think it was, and that really add suspense on to your story.

Punctuation:

You're punctuation wasn't great, but nobody's really amazing at this part. You're good at adding comma's an periods, and quotations, but maybe you didn't know this, but every time a new character talks, you start a new paragraph.

For example;

You wrote:

' "See Daniel look what you did." Olive said, "Sorry." I said.'

When it should be:

"See Daniel look what you did." Olive said,

"Sorry." I said.

It just gives the reader more space to understand who is talking and what they're saying.

Characters:

I think you're characters you have introduced so far are amazing, because you have Jasmine's friends, and Leslie who was her friend and know one knew it, so I think the way your characters interact with eachother is very well written.

So over all I would recommend your story to people who like a good mystery, because I found this very interesting really.

Thank you so much for letting me review your story, I'm sorry I couldn't write a whole bunch because you only had three chapters, but I hope this advice somewhat helped you.

Happy writing,

Emily xx

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