"You don't just get to come back here and pretend things haven't change." I yelled at him outside my apartment, "Things haven't changed! I still love you." he grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me gently, then clutches my face.
There is a moment of silence.
"Eight years and you still drive me fucking crazy." he smiled softly at me, and the rain is heavy, in the cliche way. Harry leans in closer to me, moving wet strands of hair from my face, and as our lips are inches apart I hear a voice.
"What the fuck is going on?" and Roman is staring right at us.


4. Part Four



I had searched through the box of old clothes and had lived their own life, and different one to the one I am currently living. Roman is in black jeans and a white shirt, and I turn and look up at him softly, "You're not wearing a suit?" I smirked and he shrugged his shoulders softly, "No, you said it wasn't that kind of party." He smiled back at me and rana brush through his hair.

I finally pull out some black ripped jeans from the bottom of my box, along with a gun n' roses t-shirt, and my block heel black boots. I found my old leather jacket that Harry had got from a charity shop, and the leather was worn and torn, but that only added character.

"You look different." Roman walked over to me and examined my tight clothing. "Bad, different?" I gulped, if he couldn't accept this, he wouldn't accept the old me in full. "No, it's hot." He pulled me closer and bit down on his lip.

"I think it's about time we get going," I tell him, and he pulls out his phone to call and Uber.

Within thirty minutes we are on our way, and it is only now that I regret the decision to go. "Remember, all the people here tonight, they know me from when I was troublesome youth." I tried to laugh, and he shook his head, "Oh really? Will they have stories to share?" he nudges me gently.

"Well, don't believe everything you hear." I looked away from him, at the rain hitting the window. "Look, just have fun. Don't think about it. Just be you, the you who you are with your friends, it won't stop me loving you." He whispered and kissed my cheek softly.

"I'm free to have a wild night? You'll carry me home?" I grinned to him, and he chuckled at me, "Yes, sure. I've never seen you 'wild', maybe I'll find a new part of you to love." He grabbed my hand and gave me a gentle squeeze.

"Remember, I love you, okay?" I tell him and kiss him hard, just in case it is the last time.

We arrive at Harry's apartment. I smiled seeing the lights on, and the music loud. I held Roman's hand and hurried to the building. People were stood out on the balcony. I walked into the apartment, the door was wide open, letting people come and go as they pleased. I was tugging Roman along with me.

I walked into the living room, searching for Harry. I caught him and waved at him. Harry is stood in ripped jeans, and a black shirt, brown boots too. Harry walked over to me and Roman. I quickly hug him and let his arm linger around my waist for a moment more than it should.

"I started to think you weren't coming." He leans in and whispered to me, and I grinned up at him. "Look at you, don't you good. You look the same as you did five years ago." Harry is expressing his joy with his hands, he twirls me around gently.

"Roman, you remember Harry." I smiled and took a step towards Roman, "How could I forget." Roman stuck his hand out for Harry to shake. "Thanks for coming, and thank you for getting her here. It was never a good party until Ade turned up." Harry winked at me, and I send him a warning look, and he smirks at me. "Is that so?" Roman places a kiss on my forehead, making Harry squirm.

Roman begins questioning Harry, and I begin to feel the need for a drink. When I hear my name.

"By God, is that who I think it is?" I turn around and see Luke. Luke with his messy blonde hair that still makes my stomach shake. Piercing blue eyes, and plump lips. He's wearing piercings, and I begin to feel seventeen again.

I dart over to him so quickly and practically jump onto him. I wrap my legs around his waist and let his arms engulf me. Some school girl-crushes you never really get over.

"Fucking look at you!" Luke almost shouts, and grabs me with both hands around the waist as he put me down, leaving his hands there, "Still as beautiful as ever." He hugs me once more and pecks my forehead as his tall frame is above me.

"I've missed you." I let him go and nudge him softly, and he grabs my hand and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I laughed softly, toddling over to Harry and Roman again, both giving me the same distasteful look.

"I'm guessing you two go way back?" Roman cocks his head, jealousy burning underneath. I smiled softly at him, and shrugged my shoulder, and beam up at Luke with hopeful eyes. "Oh yeah, way back." Luke winks at Roman, and I bit down on my lips so softly to suppress a laugh.

"Who's this?" Luke asked me, and I shake him off me begrudgingly. "This is my boyfriend, Roman." I sighed deeply, feeling things already beginning to unwind. "No way, I can't picture you with anyone but Harry." Luke folded his arms across his chest. "But, I guess now you're dating someone, that rules out us having any fun." Luke chuckled deeply, and I blushed crimson.

"Why don't you get to know Roman?" I suggested, wanting to escape Roman's hateful glare. I smiled softly at Harry, "Harry will you help me get some drinks?" I nodded for him to follow me, and he doesn't say anything, just nods my way. 

"I thought you briefed him." I nudged Harry roughly as we escaped the room. "I did." he snarled at me and continued walking.

"What's wrong with you? If any one has a right to be angry here, it's me." I chase after him and tug on his arm so he faces me. Harry is close to me, he's angry and I can't tell why. "Harry-." he cuts me off.

"You weren't that excited to see me. You still want Luke more than me?" he frowned, and I feel my back is sternly against the wall. "What?" I cocked my head and then blinked a couple of times in disbelief. 

"You've always wanted Luke. Even when we were together. You wanted him more. If he was willing to actually be in a serious relationship, then you would have left me in a heartbeat." he stops and lets me go, moving to carry on. 

"You're the one who left me, or do you keep forgetting that?" I shout as I follow him, trying to be heard above the music. 

"I had no choice." he turns again, the vein on the side of his neck is pulsing. "You've said that already." I snapped back at him. We always did bring out the worst in each other. 

"I loved you, and I made fucking sure you knew it." he throws his hands up in the air at me. I sighed deeply, "I never wanted him more than you. I always wanted you," I reassure him because I now see the vulnerability in his eyes and I touch his face gently, letting my thumb caress his cheek. 

"Take a walk with me?" he closes his eyes, and leans into my hand, wanting only me. "What about Roman?" I dropped my hand, and he rolls his eyes, "I'm sure Luke will keep him entertained." Harry grabs my hand and entwines his fingers in mine. 

I followed Harry dying for both of the boys who's hearts I held. 

We went outside and though we had barely been at the party for an hour it felt like midnight, with the cool air and the silence of the stars. 

"Are you okay?" I asked Harry, who still hasn't let go of my hand. "No." he pauses as if to think how to word his sentence. 

"I don't know what to do. You love someone else, and that kills me." he stops again, but in movement now, and he faces me. "You love someone else, someone who is not me, and it kills me." he repeats.

"Harry-" but I am stopped, "No. Evelyn, you don't have to comfort me. Hell. You don't even have to say anything. Right now, all I want from you is for you hold my hand, and tell me somewhere, even if it is somewhat lost, that you still love me." 

Tears are stinging his eyes. 

"Harry, I do love you. I did." I take a sharp breath. "I'm so sorry I left you. I will spend every day, of the rest of my life regretting walking away from you." he turned his head slightly and sniffled to hold back the tears.

We continue walking our hands held tightly, if either of let go, we will fall apart. 

"Do you remember when we used to sit up all night on the phone? We would talk about all of the things we were going to do one day. And, the first time I told you I loved you, and you said you didn't love me?" he chuckles a little, as do I. Wiping tears from the corners of our eyes. 

"I was so nasty to you. I did love you though, I just thought you were going to break my heart." I tell him, and nods, "Well, you were right about something." he offers me another grin. 

"You didn't break my heart. Do you know why?" I asked him, and he shrugs his shoulder and tells me to enlighten him. "Because you came back." I sighed in defeat because he still made me feel weak. 

"Can I ask you something?" he moves to stand in front of me, and I smile up at his heart-shaped face in adoration. 

"Can I kiss you?" he asks, and I look down at our hands holding each other, and the party going on three floors up, and I imagine Roman. 


Our lips crashed. Years. It had been years since we had kissed like thing. I felt seventeen. Harry was my boyfriend, and I loved him dearly. We were going to run away together, see the world. I swear, even if I lost my memory, I wouldn't forget this. I would be an angsty teen, angry at the world, but in love with the boy who was kissing me. 

Suddenly, as Harry pulls me in closer and entangles his fingers into my hair. I wish I had never met him. 

Then there would be no need to want him. I wouldn't feel the need to love him and offer him every piece of me. If we had never met, I wouldn't feel such pain at the fact I cannot have him. There would be no need to tell him that this kiss was the best thing that had happened to me ij years. 

And all I wish now is that I can hold this night in an hourglass. One day, shake the hourglass and be brought back to this moment, to relive it twice. Just feel like it was special, twice.

I pull back and catch my breath, and I want to tell him I love him, but there is no need because he already knows. 

"It's always going to be you." he whispered, and I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck and let him hold me a little bit longer, but, selfishly, only so  I could be held by him. 

"Let's go back inside." I hear him whisper, "Just a couple of more minutes, please."

I'm crying, and can't bear to be separated from him. Not again, but then I remember Roman, and there is a bigger picture than just me and Harry stood under the silent stars, who will hold our secret. 

I cannot break Roman's, heart. 

I must sacrifice my own. 


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