Undertab: Sans' Tab Adventure

Join everyone's ( not ) favorite skeleton Sans as he goes on a perilous journey to pay off his tab!

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59. HallowTab

Spooooky.

 

Sans and Frisk were having a great morning by watching the world burn.

 "So that's what that looks like." Frisk comments unamused while watching the tv sort of like some shitty sketch off Family Guy.

 "indeed." The world burning network got interrupted by Pap of the Yrus running in with the mail.

 "SANs!" He started. He got out a fancy pink envelope. "There's an important message the plot 
hath bestowed upon us brethren!"

Sans didn't move. "i don't know what the hell you just said, but im sort of busy watching a cool show rn."

 "We're watching the world burn!" Frisk added. "Hehe, Mount Rushmore just got BURNT!" 

Paps sighed. "You don't understand, Snazz! It's from Metatton!"

 "uorgh. okay, spill." Sans finalY turned away to look at his blood relative. Frisk looked too.

Paps got the letter out of the 'lope and read in an Microsoft Text To Speech voice.

 

 Dear Pesky Skelies:
 After seeing all the Halloween stores and Quotev Usernames, I have decided to throw a Halloween bash at Dillard's. It may seem like a dick move, but we might also sell off a lot of inventory. You'll also get 10% of the moolah for your fucking tab. Any complaining, and it'll eventually decrease to 1% SO BE LUCKY! Come costumed,

 The Amazing Superly Fabulous and Superly Glitterly Mettaton

 P.S: My roflcopter goes SOI SOI SOI

 

 Sans disapproved of the dead meme. "n0."

Papyrus stopped Text To Speeching. "So, I guess that'll mean we'll have to go to Halloween Express today!"

 "nah i'm good." Papyrus seized Sans' anyway.

 "Sounds like filler, but I'll join in." Frisk followed suit Friskily. 

----------------------------------

 Sans, Papyrus, and Frisk walk down the street as many a dank memer began dubbing them as Spookybois from a distance and got tons of upvotes on Reddit for posting filtered images of said b0is. They entered the overpriced Halloween store.

 "Well, I already know who I'm going to be!" Papyrus got random shit off of the shelves happily.

 "it better not be prof layt because that joke is FREAking old ( is it really :(? )." Sans stood around like usual.

 "so is THis." PApyrus backsassed. 

 "fuk u its still funny."

Papyrus rolls his eyes and unveils his costume. "I'm going as a pickle."

Someone saw that and gasped. "I'M PICKLE RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!"

That someone walked away laughing as Papyrus frowned and put the costume down. 

 "well, to be fair, you had to have a high iq to understand that joke was coming." Sans shrugged.

 "This store is filled with too many dead memes to be had." Frisk says eyeing a LOL Cat costume.

 Papyrus kept browsing. "Hmmm.... maybe I'll be Hannah Montana!" 

 "sure, follow your dream bro."

Frisk finally found the perfect costume. "I know! I'm going as this cool red ninja! It's not like it's a  popular costume of choice or anything."

Sans wanted to digress when he looked over at checkout and saw eight other people with ninja costumes.
 

"If that's who you want to be, Frisk, then follow your draem." Papyrus tells them happily.

 Frisk went to the checkout line. "I wanna be a terrorist."

 "Such a nice kid." Paps remarked then noticed Sans hadn't picked a costume yet. "Sans, this a HALLOWEEN party, not a YOURSELF party! What are you going to be for Halloween?"

Sans then noticed a white hoodie/sweatshit that had the words Supreme on it in red. He obtained an idea.

 "bro i know who im going as >:3." Sans grabbed the hoodie while making a devilish grin.
 

"Who, Sans?" Papyrus asked like a normie.

 "i'm supposed to be ricegum, fukr." 

Pap realized. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH! Why didn't you just say so? You know, I think I might go as a Content Cop."

 Sans warped to the checkout line. "too bad we're paying."

Papyrus frowned as he got in line too as yet another half assed chapter ended.

 --------------Dash thing---------------------

 The rest of the day was spent being spooky as the Halloween Bash neared. They were all clustered around the tv just watching the shittiest horror movies possible. And on the Lifetime Network channel of all things.

 "GROOOOOOOAN." Frisk threw a couch cushion at the dumbass protags on screen.

Papyrus realized something. "Oh yeah, Sans, this invitation doesn't specify WHEN we go to the party, do you know when we be-eth?"

 "well i know it's going to be past the 12th century." Sans snarked at the story's sudden obsession with Shakespeare speak. "maybe it's at 6 like every single party ever."

 "No shit." Frisk tells Spam. Suddenly, the clock they never had struck 6!

 "gasp." Sans gasped before seizing the remote control. "that ballgame's on tonight."

Papyrus unplugged the tv. "We aRE GoING tO A PaRTY WhETheR yOu LiKe iT oR NOt."

Sans gave up and looked at the ground. "o okay..."

Frisk twirled around in their ninja costume. "Yippee."

 

~~

 

After Frisk went trick or treating, Sans heaved to the Ho trying to get to Dillard's without dropping their 20 LBS of free beetus from trick or treating.

 "ughf." Sans dropped a bag by accident and tons of candy spilled all over the streets.

 "Dammit, Sans! Now the candy is ruined!" Frisk complained before then holding a funeral for the spilled candy right there for a total of 5 minutes as Papyrus and Sans hung their heads down silently in respect.

 "but i don't understand, the candy's fine." Sans held up a Tootsie Roll still in it's wrapper.

 "ITS. ALL. RUINED." Frisk emphasized in a demonic voice. Just then, loud party music could 
be heard in the distance, which made them all forget about the spilled candy incident of 2017.

 "holy shit dudeos, lets go." Sans and Company left the candy and rounded the corner to where the loud music was heard. 

 "Wow! Check it out, Sans!" Papyrus points to the location. "The Dillard's looks like its jam packed!"

 Sans looked up and saw Dillard's was indeed swarming with more people than usual. Even entire roads were blocked due to the massive crowd outside.

 "woah." Sans was ataken by it all. There were so many loud noises and bright lights that Sans began feeling like he was tripping the fuck out.

 "Excuse us." Papyrus politely shoved people over to get into the store. Frisk also stepped on people's feet too to acheive the same effect.

 "Watch it, buddy!" An overweight girl in a Wonder Woman costume shoved Frisk into a trash can nearby after stepping on her cheap ass pair of boots. Like the overprotective guardian he is, Papyrus helps Frisk out immediately afterwards.

 "Are you alright, my B0I?" Paps wondered worriedly.

 "Yes." Frisk sighed in irritation. They then creepily stalked off to the side to assault the perpetrator ninja style. Sans adjusted his Supreme hoodie and expensive Rolex watch to look as Ricegum as possible.

 "so much peeps here." Sans comments since he couldn't think of anything cool and memey to say.

 "No shit." Papyrus replies, but then got excited when noticing something that should have been noticed earlier.

 "SANS, LOOKIE! IT APPEARS METATTON IS PREFORMING A COOL SONG!" Paps points at the stage where multitudes of people were dancing around. Some goths even thought it would be a good idea to start moshing to the pop song! On stage, Metatton was preforming a direct ripoff of that one scene from Hocus Pocus since it wouldn't be a Halloween themed chapter without referencing that film.

 "COME ON, SANS!" Paps ran over the concertgoers in a frenzy to reach the front row. Metatton notices Papyrus and pulls him onto the stage, leaving Sans to get trampled by over crazed fans. 

 "ow." Sans' agony was ignored as Papyrus and Metatton were dancing and singing together. Some fangirls didn't like this.

 "HEY I WANT ON THE STAGE!" One hambeast yelled.

 "SO DO I!" Soon enough, a riot began breaking out as fans began beating each other up. Sans finally got up and was about to climb up onto the safety stage, but got pulled back down instead.

 "oof." Papyrus and Metatton stood shocked as the music cuts off.

 "What now?" Paps asked overwhelmed, he then spots Snas suffering for his sins and became overprotective again. "I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU, SANS!"

 "take ur time im good." Sans calmly says while getting his face roughly stepped on by fighting fans.

 "Everybody, settle down! There's plenty of me to go around!" Metatton tries to settle down the audience. It only further escalated from there.

 "THE GREAT PROFESSOR PAPYRUS IS COMING TO SAVE THE DAY!" Papyrus jumped 
into the crowd like a cliched superhero and punched out both women stepping all over his brother. Sans got retrieved quickly.

 "mah hero." He says in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

However, that didn't stop the fighting crowd as Sans, Papyrus, and Metatton awkwardly stood on the stage looking down at the fall of humanity. It seemed like the party was heading to a bad start.

 "What now?" Metatton wonders. Frisk slid down one of the nearby tress things by the stage like some kind of over the top stripper while shrugging.

 "Idk maybe you should try singing them a song." Frisk suggests.

 "Great Idea, Fresh!" Papyrus praises.

Metatton nervously held the mic as he awkwardly began to sing a slightly off key cover to Monster Mash. He was drowned out by more people screaming in rage and pain.

 "it was a night like this forty million years ago.... i lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go..." Sans mumbled to himself a catchy song number. Metatton sees an opportunity of salvaging everything and hands the mic to Sans who didn't seem to notice and kept singing.

 "the sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice. i felt a little tired, so I watched 'miami vice'.." One by one, the crowd stops fighting to listen into that one catchy song Sans was singing. Alphys ( who was controlling the concert lighting and tech ) caught on quick and popped in a Party Hits CD to said tune. She also toggled some dazzling lights and effects to match up.

 "and walked the dinosaur~" Snus sang with confidence.

 "I walked the dinosaur!" Papyrus joined in. Metatton, Sans, Papyrus, and Frisk began to boogie and move on the stage with the crowd now dancing along.

 "Open the door, Get on the floor." Mett voiced while doing a hip move towards the ground.

 "Everybody walk the dinosaur!" Frisk points to the audience. Dillard's was now filled with cheering and happy faces all around. Metatton gave Sans a thumbs up as the night was only just beginning.

 

~~

 

Later that night, Sans was chilling by the punch bowl near the stage after preforming a variety (read: shitty) of party music that didn't even have anything to DO with Halloween. Oh well, as long as it pleased the masses it was good. Papyrus came over with a glass too.
 

"Today sure has been fun, Sans! What do you feel?" 

 "i feel like this chapter is anything but Halloween. needs more spooky." Sans sipped the dish-water tasting punch without much of a care in the world.

 "I know how to fix it!" Papyrus grins before getting in front of him and waving his hands in a spooky manner.

 "oooooooooOOOOooooooOOOOooo." 

Sans wasn't amused. "meh." 

Papyrus then got all riled up like anime girls do. His expression softened when he noticed Flowey ( wearing a modernized take on clown costumes ) shyly approach him.

 "Why hello there, Papyrus." Flowey greeted. "I-I didn't expect to see y-you here.."

Paps was confused. "Neither did I expect to see you at these parts. How did you even get in without getting trampled?" 

All Flowey did was blush and look towards the ground.

 "just kiss already." Sans says drinking his 5th glass that night. 

Paps looks to Flowey. "Sure thing, Sans! Hey Flowey, wanna come dance with me?"

 ".......S-sure.." They both went away to the nonexistent dancefloor to groove it to Metatton singing cringey emo songs. Frisk ate some Halloween goodies from the nearby snack table and chatted with Asgore and Napstablook about shit no one cared about.

 Hours passed as Flowey and Papyrus got jiggy when dancin to they limits. Other activites to liven up the fun like a limbo game ( Sans was too lazy to bend low so he lost ), an applebobbing game ( Sans choked on an apple and required ER, so he was out ), and a dance contest among other things. Metatton also gave everyone some nice goodie bags filled with candy, His latest albums and merchandise, and some Dillard's coupons. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me. Sans was actually having some fun trying to be like his new role model.

 "omg, guys, do you see what these kids just did on musically? dey be vapin." Sans showed the cringey video to some women as a cheap attempt to hit on them. 

 "Ugh, gross." The women strutted away to a bar Sans didn't notice until now. Curiously, he shuffled over as Metatton began to sing piss poor rap music. Sans felt like this was a total luxury by the crystal look and feel of the bar. 

 "hey can i get some generic alcohol drink to up the story rating pls?" He tries to ask like a suave gent.

 "Not until you pay my tab, you aint." Sprite looks up to see the mysterious bartendie was Grillby, but then again you probably saw this epic twist coming.

 "pls, imma broke soul." He begs. "i'll be your best friend.."

Grillby kicks him the fuck out into the middle of the room as the same women from before point and laugh at the sight.

 ";-;" Sans stood up as Paperclip shoved him away.

 "SANS! You could have crushed Flowey, you dingus! Watch where you're going!" Paps then noticed his bro's saddened look. "Hey, Sans, what's wrong?"

 "i just wanted to live the high life." He sighs pointing over to the bar where the ladies were ogling over Grillby and even trying to reach first base with him while drinking quality alkie.

 "You want a drink?  That's easy! I'll be right back, Flowey." Papyrus skidgoogled over to the bar as Sans awkwardly stares at Flowey.

 "so..... you like jazz?" He asked while trying to do a conversation.

 "....." Sans began to shuffle dance to the music as he knew this was worthless talking to a flower.

 

 

 Papyrus tipped his Hannah Montana wig to the ladies as he came over to the bar.

 "What a nice firey man~" A woman with long black hair in a scientist costume remarks dreamily.

 "Now I can tell it's hot in here, with you in the room~" Another in a sexy schoolgirl outfit flirts.

 "One glass of Chardonnay please!" Pretzel orders. Grillby stopped looking at the promicious women to look at Paps. The women shot him all mean looks.

 "If this is just a ploy to get Sans a damn drink, he's not going to get any." GrilledChikin says in a  
serious way.

 "Please? I just want a glass." 

A third girl in a crappy female minion costume scoffs. "And since when did skeletons like YOU drink?"

 "and since when could fire handle liquid?" Everyone turns to see Sans looking slightly pissed off standing behind them.

 "SANS?!?" Paps could only express as Sans walked up the front to an enraged fiyah guy.

Grillby's flames roar up. "I told you, Sans. You. Don't. Get. A. Drink. Until. The. Tab. Is. Paid. Asshat."

Sans was quickly getting tired of this shit. "bruh i just want a goddamn beverage drink HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!" 

Grillby tried coming up with a good comeback, but only sighed in irritation as his flames died down. "Just get the fuck out of my cafe. It's customers like you that ruin my business!"

Sans stood his ground. "nope."

Grillby got handed a phone from the equally angry minion chick as he began to dial the cops.

 "well if you're not getting me a drink, at least get me some ketchup or i'll sue." 

 "Please, Sans, you have no money to even have a winning case." The police never answered even after a silent ten minutes ( No, Metatton singing The Final Countdown in the background doesn't count ) and the phone burned in his hands. The girl didn't care though since she was highly infatuated at the moment. Frisk suddenly came up and slammed their hands on the bar top.

 "Give my dad a drink or I'll slit your throat, gramps." Frisk aimed a cheap ninja sword at him which in reality could only cut through rice paper. Sans stood in awe as Grillby stood back up and got to concocting a drink. 

 "Oh, good thinking, Frisk!" Papyrus kisses Frisk on the head as they stood proudly.

 "And you know what, I might as well make some for everyone just in case any of you fuckers get any ideas to come back." Sans, Frisk, and Papyrus shot each other victorious looks as a tray filed with clear liquid in fancy glasses was shoved over to them.

 "Enjoy." Grillby says coldly.

  "oh you bet your ass we will. i shall savor each and every drop." Sans sneered. "now let's go savor this shit on that couch over there." 
 

"That's the spirit, Sans!" Papyrus smiles and they both walk to the couch by a Metatton cardboard cutout. Frisk looked over to Grillby to find him and the women leaning over the flat surface whispering something to each other and looking towards the skelebros. It seemed suspicious, but Frisk decided not to question their motives.

 

~~

 

"now is this the life or what?" Sans asks while sipping his tangy tasting chemical. 
 

"Indeed it is! Did you see that part when Frisk threatened to kill Grillby? HILARIOUS!" Papyrus slurped the drink.

 "Oh come on, guys, I do stuff like that all the time. Like once at school I threatened the lunch lady with a razor blade and she gave me a free cupcake." Frisk tried hiding their flatteredness. 

They watched Metatton and Alphys chat with excited fans as the others waited in line to receive autographs and lovechildren with their husbando.

"Did I ever tell you about the eggs I lay?" Sans asked in a slurred voice. Papyrus was really concerened.

 "Sans, are you okay? You're acting odd. Your sentences are even capitalized!" 

 "shut it BIOTCH! HEhehehah." Sans started acting really stereotypically drunk by saying things only a 7 year old on LSD could dream up. Papyrus could feel his (nonexistent) mind began to feel extremely fuzzy and saw shit that'll surely shock your eyelids like pink rainbow ponies breathing fire all around him and spooky scary skeletons dancing wildly to Metatton's R n' B song. 

 "I CAN SEE THE RAINBOWS NOW!" Paps then collapsed on the ground. Sans' tried to react to the tragedy but could only laugh instead. 

 "TAKE ME TO THE WAFFLE HAVENS, OH GREAT PAPA!" Sans blurts while trying his hardest to look sad. He only stumbled around before collapsing soon afterwards. Frisk began to feel the effects of the drink just as a big explosion sounded nearby and they could see all the scared partygoers look in the direction of the blast in which a huge hole was now present.

 "Judhdjsk?" Frisk tried saying something but could suddenly feel their body become heavy and fell on top of the ground. They couldn't move as they saw some darkly dressed people start raiding the Dillard's with big artillery. Metatton got seized on stage and the mic dropped as thousands of people tried to flee. Frisk tried to see what else was going on, only for everything to go black as footsteps approached the fallen friends.

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