Heart of Texas, soul of California

Zac has moved to Texas. He has bought a piece of land just outside Houston. He is telling everyone he just neede a change of scenery. That it is essential for him to be in LA. But he isn't telling the truth. Zac is running trying to put his mistake behind him.
He has done something really bad, that luckily no one knows about.
He meets Kate, a spunky Texan girl and they fall in love head over heels. Zac thinks that he is finally going to have his happily ever after.
But can he escape the mistakes of his past ? And does he get his happily ever after with Kate ?

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15. fired

*Maddie*

We drive in silence. Zac sits slumping in the seat. I am grinding my teeth. I can't believe he did that. The man is certifiably insane. There is no other explanation.

 When we walk into the house Zac grabs my arm. "Okay could you please tell me what you are pissed about ? Because I just saved you from a robbery or probably worse".

 "No Zac. What you did was trying to get yourself killed and that would probably have me raped and possibly killed two. So don't pretend you are some knight in shining armour. You are nothing but a suicidal maniac". I snap at him. Seriously he scared the crap out of me.

 He is getting angry. I can see it in the way his breathing gets shallow. His jaw is tensing and his eyes are shooting daggers. "You have no idea what I've been through. You have no idea about the pain I live with every day. People keeps telling me they feel my loss, the fuck they do. They have no fucking idea".

 "No you are right. I don't. I can't possibly get how it must have been. But I do get that it must have been devastating. I understand why you feel ripped to pieces. Put you act like you don't care if you live or die". I say. My voice a little lower.

 He breathes out. "You know why that is ? Because I don't care. I literally don't care if I live or die. If I die at least I get to be with Kate again".

 "Sorry, but you are not allowed to feel that way. You got a beautiful little girl that are dependent on you. She has already lost her mother. Please don't take her father from too Zac. She needs you". I beg him. I don't like him talking like that.

 He shakes his head. "She has Kate's family and my family. She will be okay. She will probably be better of without me. Honestly I just want peace".

 "That's a load of crap. You are a great father. That little girl adores you and she needs you. But she deserves a father that is fully there". I tell him. He needs and deserves the truth.

 His voice is shaking. "I can't. I thougth I could do this. That I could try and get back to a normal life. But I can't I can't do it. It is to hard".

 "Well you got to do it. Did you ever get any help ? Professionally ?" He shakes his head. "Then get it Zac. For Bella. She deserves her father to be there fully. I know it seems impossible, but you need to move on. To live your life again".

 "You need to leave Maddie. Right now. This doesn't work. You are fired". He points a shaking finger at the door. I bite down an answer and leave. Making sure to call Shekinah to make sure he isn't alone.

 

*Shekinah*

 I find my brother curled up on the floor sobbing. What Maddie told me scared me. I mean I know he has some demons to fight. That he has bottled up some things to be able to be there for Bella. But that he care so little for his own life makes me sad.

 If I could do anything to take away his pain. To give him back Kate I would. My brother used to be the most optimistic, gentle, sweet and caring person. Is it so bad that I want my brother back ? Mostly I just want him to be happy again.

 "Shh Zac. It is okay. I got you". I sit down next to him and he clings to me like a kid afraid of drowning. I rock him gently. Stroking a heand over his hair and back.

 He is shaking and his breath comes in gasps between sobs. "I can't do it. Why did she have to leave me ? It isn't fair. What did I do wrong ? Tell me why I deserve this ?"

 "You didn't do anything wrong sweetie and you so don't deserve this. You have to figth Zac. We don't want to loose you. We want you back". I tell him softly.

 He shakes his head. "Sometimes I have to stop myself from wishing she hadn't done it. That Bella was so small it had been easier to get over. We could have gotten other kids. I can't replace Kate. Or even that you had done it instead... I am so sorry".

 "It is totally natural to have those thoughts Zac. It is normal to wonder what would have happened if things had been different. I know you don't really wish it. You have been an amazing father to Bella. You gave up your career and basically your life for her.. but you also gave up grieving and that is what has you crumbling sweetie". I send him a weak smile.

 We sit like that for a bit in silence. He has finally stopped crying. I know I might anger him knowing what happened with him and Maddie. "Zac maybe you can't do this on your own. Maybe you need help. Professional help".

 "I am not some fucking head case Shekinah. I don't need to sit and spill my heart out to some shrink who tells me to move on and get better or hands me a bottle of pills". He spits the last words out.

 He gets up and offers me a hand. I take it. "Zac it isn't like that and you know it. But so ething needs to happen or you won't get better".

 "I can handle it.. and I think I wan't to be alone for a bit now. Oh don't look at me like that. I am not going to kill myself". He pulls a gun from his pocket, handing it to me. "Can you take care of this ? I have had that gun pressed to my head twice today. If I were going to do it it would be done. I tried but I couldn't".

 I take the gun. I will turn it in to the police. Damn he had actually been that close to taking his own life before I came. But I trust he wont do it. It just isn't in his nature. He is right. If he was going to do it, he would have done it.

 "Just think about it Zac okay ? And get some sleep". I look at him and he nods. "And please think about letting Maddie come back. She just wanted to help". But he just shakes his head. There is nothing more I can do here today.

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