Invisible Love

What would you do? If everything around you crumbled at your feet? Would you have a toothy, white, smile plastered on your face?

Hm, that is a bit vague... isn't it?

Let's think of it differently. What would you do if, throughout your whole childhood, your Father would get drunk out of his mind, and let his anger out on you? Beat you until you cannot even cry anymore. Cried so much that a permanent dam on your eyes.

Well, Leonardo went through the unbearable with his Father. His mother would just stand back and watch. He saw hell in his Father's eyes, but he would never say that out loud. Nothing seems right, even after he moves out. Well, that is until he met Anastasia.

Disclaimer: Please do not read if you are easily triggered by mentions of abuse. I am very sorry if I don't accurately portray what abuse is like in this story. It is not my intention to offend anyone.

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4. Chapter Three

Ana

“ Daddy, Why hasn’t Mommy showed up?” He shrugged. His eyes were becoming shiny.

“I do not know, baby girl. Maybe she got caught up at work.” He said. He faced his head towards the ground and brought his hands to his face.

“Mommy is supposed to be here, Daddy!” Ana yelled. Tears streamed down her face.

“Stop it, Anastasia.” She walked closer to him.

“No! It is not fair! I am six, Daddy, I have not seen her in a year Daddy! It is not fair!”

“Anastasia, I said, stop it!” His arm swung around, the back side of his hand striking Ana’s cheek. She stepped back. She brought her hand to her cheek. The sting making her wince.  She looked at him with teary eyes.

“D-daddy… How could you h-hit -” She was cut off short by her father’s yells.

“Get out! Go to your room before I do it again! Get out!” She ran out of the living room as fast as her short legs could take her. Her vision was blurry. She opened her room door and slammed it behind her. She sat in the corner as she quieted down. Her eyes widened as she heard loud footsteps getting closer and closer to her room. Her door slammed open.

“How dare you slam this door?! This is my house, and you do as I say!”  He started to unbuckle his belt and wrapped it into a loop. He walked closer to her. He grinned as she shivered in fear.

“This will teach you to behave in this house, and to do as I say.” He whispered loud enough for her ears to catch his mischievous tone. He swung his arm back, the belt going back with it.

WACK

WACK
WACK

“No daddy! Please stop!”

“We are done when I say, Anastasia!”

Wack…

Wack…

Wack…

*Gasp*

Ana awoke in a sea of pain. Her tears streaming down her cheeks just like in her memory. That stupid flashback that keeps coming back to taunt her… or is it haunting her at this point? How could she let that moment replay in her mind? Her father’s eyes seemed like she was looking through the gates of hell. That fiery hate in his pupils.

She sat up in the bed, and wondered if when he looked at his complexion in the mirror, if he saw hell? If he saw the devil himself…

“It hurts a lot. It feels like I am drowning, but never truly dying. Just that constant pain in my chest that is craving for air, but never getting that satisfying gasp. Do you know how hard it is to wake up and say, “Another day. Do not talk to him. Do not even look at him. You got this.” It is such a horrible feeling. All I want is for him to look at me as his princess. His daughter. The one that he would never abuse of. I want him to be my father. The one I had before my mother left. I want him back. I want to hug him like I used to. What happened to him? Is all I ask. I never did a thing to him. I just wanted my mother back just like he wanted his wife back… That is all, but we can never get everything we want. It is part of life. But, maybe one day I will reflect back on my life, and smile. Isn’t that what it is about? That one day we can say we made it out of the perpetual abyss filled with nothing, but hate, sadness, and regret. Maybe…

 

But, sometimes this is all lies. You sit there at night, and lie to yourself so you can have enough willpower to awake in the morning. That is if you even get a little time of shut-eye. All these… These fucking memories keep fucking your life up because you are afraid of it all happening again. You are afraid that somehow they will repeat once more. Nothing ever gets better. Everyone says it will, but what they do not understand is that, that is the problem. The problem is that they keep bringing up everyone’s hopes just to let them crash when reality hits. Who is there to help? When we crash, those same people who tell you that it will get better, are non-existent. They leave you with your broken ribs, and impaled heart. No one is there to bring you back up. You are left to bleed out, and somehow call an ambulance in a desolate desert. What do you do? You are expected to drag yourself for the rest of your life. Drag yourself out of bed when you cannot even find a reason to wake up. To drag your bowl of cereal towards you when you cannot even find your appetite. To drag yourself outside when you do not even feel like having any human interaction, in fear of crashing again. To drag your hand toward the car radio, and listen to something because the silence kills, but the music that plays reminds you of someone you would rather forget. To drag yourself out of your driveway, and you instantly fall into a cold void. The answer is that no one is there. So, do not open up to anyone. We all have this little girl or boy in our chest that we need to take care of. Ease them into this world. Our parents teach us everything, but never to take care of them. Some of us chose to just shut them in our chest. Let our heart be a filter of reality, and our ribcage be their cell. Where nothing can harm them. So you are better off being emotionless in a world like this. Where inhumanity is found at every corner.” She felt her eyes water. This strange feeling in her gut that she had never felt before. An appalling feeling that made her mind fuzzy. Ana furrowed her eyebrows with her eyes closed.

“The ability to go on with this certain struggle is rare but can be found” A familiar voice boomed through Ana’s ears. Her head slowly moved up, as her brown eyes started to open. She fiddled with her fingers when seeing Leo in the doorway of the bedroom. She started to ball her eyes out. Tears streaming without a stop. Leo’s face morphed into fear. He walked over to her and sat on the bed next to her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” A frown played on his beautiful lips that she usually wanted to taste, but right now she could not even think straight. A sob slipped through her lips. His heart raced. Nervousness… Pure nervousness. She was never like this. She always chirped with excitement. He knew that something was always wrong, whether she tried to hide it behind smiles, and laughter... But, today it is different. She is weeping in a darkness that seemed so familiar to his own. Her low and sweet voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Y-you wouldn’t understand. You do not know what it is like to be abused. To be treated like garbage. For your mother to be non-existent or just gone. You don’t and won’t understand.” Leo sighed and removed her hands from her eyes.

“Ana… There is more to me, and you know that. I never tell you things because I am not the type to open up. My childhood was rough, to say the least.” Ana scoffed.
“Sure. Just because your parents are not in the picture, does not mean you had it rough. You have not gone through half that things I have. Do not try to act like you know how I am feeling because you do not know shit.” She scoffed once more.

“I am not trying to one-up you in any way, but you should not assume. There is more to me than you know.” She rolled her eyes as she wiped her tears.

“You are so full of shit. I have to deal with an abusive father, and you try to tell me that you have gone through ‘tough situations’? I have gone through so many!”

“Ana, we are all allowed to be in pain from our childhood experiences. I never said I have gone through worse, just that I have gone through a lot. Just like you.”

“Why? Because you got heartbroken? You had someone tell you that they don’t like? You had someone tell you that you are a horrible human being? Am I getting warm?” Leo rolled his eyes and let out a scoff.

“Ana, I am not about to fight about who had a worse past. Do you want that title? Keep it. I don’t want it at all. That is some childish shit. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. To make sure you were fine, but no. I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into you lately. All I want is old Ana back. Everything is a fucking competition with you. I ain’t about it.” Ana scoffed as she stood up and walked out of the big room. He rolled his eyes, and walked in and removed his shirt, letting the cloth fall on the gray rug. Leo laid down and rubbed his scar. He had forgotten to shut off the light, but he was too lazy and tired to get up, so he turned over in the bed, and brought the blanket to his hips. Leo’s mind started to drift, as he finally fell asleep.

 
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