Dear Kayla

The other side of the story.


3. T H R E E


June 11, 2017 

Dear Kayla,

You said that you don't remember anything that you said to me when we were in eighth grade. Is that true? How can that be true? Losing you was something I'll never be able to forget no matter how hard I try. Trust me I have. I've deleted and thrown away picture after picture. I've tried so hard to forget but how can I? You were my sister.

One of my happiest memories was when we went to Chicago to see One Direction together. The drive there was insane; we were singing One Direction songs at the top of our lungs the entire way there. Do you remember the hotel? We pulled up and my dad immediately wanted to turn around because he said it was sketchy and it scared him. I don't remember it that well except the fact that it was right near a truck stop and there were giant semi's parked everywhere.

I remember that we ended up eating dinner at the only pizza place in Chicago that didn't serve deep dish. The place was packed with old people, do you remember that? And we were both so hyper from the long drive and the fact that we were about to see our idols that we didn't even know what we were saying. After pizza we stopped and got ice cream and I remember that it was the best ice cream I've ever had, I don't remember what it was called but I remember how happy we were.

And then we got to the show and it was so hot and crowded but we didn't even care because there we were only yards away from our favorite band. That night was one of the best of my life.


So the summer after freshman year I was alone once again, but I was determined to not sit and pout the whole time the way I had the year before.

I joined a community theatre with someone I had met during the fall play and we spent the entire summer together. That's how we became best friends. Her family is practically my second family after the amount of times they drove me to and from practice or vice versa.  It wasn't the perfect summer but hey, it was something. I wasn't totally alone and I was doing something that I love.

Sophomore year was better. It started off a bit shaky. S, the one who had left me at the end of freshman year was in many of my classes and after we talked for a long time I decided to give her a second chance. That  was my biggest mistake because not even 6 months later she was back at her tricks again. She was jealous because for the first time in a long time I was making friends and was totally happy and she wasn't. She told me that I wasn't spending enough time with her and that I was putting her second to all the new people that I was meeting and I needed to be a better friend. I couldn't understand why she would think that. Why she could be so jealous and mad that I was happy for the first time in a long time. She knew that she was my best friend and I told her that everyday. I sent good morning texts and goodnight paragraphs that let her knew how much I loved her and yet she still didn't believe me.

One night she started a fight. She accused me of talking about her behind her back which I would never do because it's happened to me and I know how much it hurts. She told me that I needed to start being a better friend and that I needed to fight for us. This was confusing because it felt as though I'd been fighting for her for a while now. She told me that the way I was treating her was "Shitty" and that one day I'd wake up, look at myself in the mirror and realize that I can't treat people like that. Once again I was confused because she was my best friend and I did everything in my power to treat her well and make her happy.

The last thing she said to me before making me choose whether or not I wanted to fight for us, was "I can't believe you're doing this to me, do you know how many friends I had to give up to be your best friend again?"

This was shocking to me. It seemed as though the group of friends we had been in the year earlier had all accepted me back with open arms. It was still awkward between A and I but we both loved S and wanted her to be happy so we were friendly with one another. I asked her who she had to stop being friends with to be my best friend again but she refused to answer and said it wasn't important. When the week was over she told me that I needed to answer whether or not I was ready to fight for her and I said, "I've been fighting for you for a week now and you haven't noticed. I can't keep having the same argument." and that was it. I don't even know what I did. She told me that I treated her poorly but never explained and I asked her on many occasions but she always avoided the question and moved on.

After that she would watch me in class. I could feel her stares on me the entire time. She would very loudly make plans  with someone else or tell the teacher how amazing her weekend was with her "best friend" who she had told me on multiple occasions how much she hated.

This all took place in January, which was coincidently the same time that things started to turn around.

More to come



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