Dear Kayla

The other side of the story.


1. O N E


June 10, 2017  

Dear Kayla,

I don't really know where to begin. I guess I should tell you that I read it, though you already knew that. I read it from​ beginning to end twice over and I still don't know what to feel. At first I wasn't sure it was about me and then as I got further I knew it had to be you. They were things that only you would know.

I guess I should start by asking why you wrote it. It's not that I'm mad or anything, honestly I don't know what I feel at this moment, I just want to know why now? It's been two years. Two years that I've been trying to get over what happened between us and here it is again.

Our friendship was special. What we had was something incredibly different than what I've had with anyone else. It's like there was some invisible rope that tied us together. Everyone knew that we were best friends. The fact that we made it so long, through years of being in different classes and having different lunches, is incredible. It's just proof that what we had was something to be envied.

Eighth grade was where everything crumbled. Though as bad as that year was, it started off as the best year. There were 4 of us if you remember. You, me, E, and S (or C if you prefer.) We were the happiest I'd ever seen our group, as we were all in the same class for the first time in however many years. The only problem was the fact that you and (I'm going to use C so it doesn't get confusing later) C spent your mornings at the high school because of a gifted science program. That's where you met S and she joined the group and for a while things were great and we were happy. Even though I didn't like S, I sucked it up because you were my best friend and I figured that if you trusted her then she must not be that bad.

Then things took a turn for the worst. You, C, and S, began to ignore E and I. It was clear that you were drifting and no matter what I tried I couldn't stop it. It got to the point at lunch where you would be on your phone huddled up with S and C and I would have to say random words just to get you to look at me.

It was spring time when everything came crashing down. You were leaving for a new school the next fall which I knew and had accepted but then I found out that E was also leaving. She was moving thousands of miles a way to a totally different state. I was in a constant state of panic. My two best friends leaving me.

April 27, 2015. That was the day that everything and I mean everything just exploded. I remember it so clearly. I won't get into the specifics but that day started the fight to end all fights.

I never expected any of it but to you it seemed like you'd been preparing for a while because the words came easily to you. I cried all that night.

The fight lasted two weeks. I sat there for two weeks taking all the blows and apologizing for everything I'd ever done wrong. Stuff that I didn't even know I'd done.

I fought so hard. I fought to save us. I fought to keep everything we had. But in the end it seemed as though you made up your mind and the decision was that you didn't want to be my friend anymore. I knew it had to be something more than you were just annoyed with me. You could never just be annoyed with me. You were my best friend for 7 years, it had to be something more. That's why I fought so hard for so long, but in the end it wasn't healthy for me to spend so many nights crying and trying to save something you didn't want me to save. That's why I walked away. It wasn't because I stopped loving you. It was because I needed to save myself.

That's enough for now.



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