A Warrior's Love

Damon Salvatore is older than everyone thinks he is...his soul is also not entirely Damon's either. Reincarnation has been a researched theory numerous times, but hardly anyone ever remembers their past life....but Damon does. Maybe that is why he is the way he is...or maybe it helped him become the vampire he is today. But what happens when his past comes back to haunt him? Read and you will see

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9. Soul Shattered Memories

Damon didn't object to them holding him in his arms and didn't want them to let go as he said: "That's not even the worst of it." 

They all turned their attention back to him and he took a deep breath as the memory assaulted him before he could tell anyone about it. 

Azrael looked around the Otherworld with a deep sadness. He missed his lover and wanted nothing more than to feel his wings and arms wrapped around him once more. Yet he couldn't help but blame himself...blame himself for not being enough...for not noticing the signs sooner...for letting Kalona try to hurt Erebus. It was an endless cycle of self-loathing and blame that caused him to question his ability as a warrior and guardian of Nyx and Erebus. 

He was pacing one night when he noticed Nyx standing alone at the entrance to her realm. Not thinking anything of it, he went over to her hoping to bring her some comfort for her ache of missing her warrior. He wasn't, however, expecting to find out what he did. 

He arrived next to Nyx and saw her jump at his sudden appearance and he apologized for scaring her. She waved the apology away and he noticed that her eyes were sad and forlorn. He knew that his own black eyes reflected the same sadness since Kalona's fall. 

He asked, "Are you watching your vampyres?" 

She bit her lip before answering "Something like that." 

He frowned when he instantly caught onto her lie and he wondered why she would ever feel the need to lie to him, he would never betray her over anything. 

He said, "Nyx, you are not the best liar. I know that you are hiding something, what is it?" 

She didn't answer so Azrael looked to where she was looking and felt the breath get sucked out of him when he saw a vision of his lover...in all of his immortal beauty. 

He felt his heart squeeze and his breathing stop when he saw the hatred and anger in those amber eyes that did not go with the kindness and love that he had been shown by the winged immortal. He felt nauseous at the sight of his tar black wings unfurling behind him. He felt an explosion of pain through him straight through his heart and to his soul when he saw the destruction, rape, and pillaging that Kalona was leaving in his wake. 

He was crumbling when he saw Kalona follow a beautiful dark eyed, raven haired beauty into a cave. Azrael felt tears sliding down his cheeks as he saw the lust and longing in his ex-lover's eyes. 

Pain ruptured through every fiber of his being and he felt an explosion rupture through his soul as he saw Kalona starting to make love to the beautiful Cherokee maiden.

It was then that his soul shattered...

Damon pulled himself from the memory and told the trio surrounding him about what Kalona had turned into and how he died in his past life. 

Caroline whispered, "You loved this being so much that him falling in love with another, shattered your soul and nothing could put the pieces back together, so you died?"

Damon nodded sadly "Yeah. I still love him...to this day and I hate what he has become but I can't help it, my heart still loves him."  

All three of them stared at him in shock at what Damon had just revealed and he didn't object when they tightened their hug on him. 

He said "I didn't really love Katherine...I was just using her companionship to try and get the memories to stop...it worked for awhile but they always have this way of coming back no matter what. Especially after she revealed that she never loved me and that she was just using me to get to Stefan." 

To say the three of them were shocked at that revelation was an understatement but Damon didn't notice as he kept talking. 

"I really did love Elena...but she was way too much like Nyx. Between the forgiveness, the never ending kindness...it was like being in her presence all over again, I couldn't handle it; it just brought the memories back too strong." 

Enzo said, "It's no wonder you push people away when you have people who love you." 

Damon answered "Yeah it is. I am afraid to give them my heart and soul because I can't stand the thought of losing someone like that again. And that goes for friends, Stefan, you guys. I don't want to get close to anyone because I don't want to lose someone like that again." 

All three of them gave him a tight squeeze before pulling away and smiling at him warmly. Damon was thankful for this family that he had found. 

He stared at his hands and said "I also think that part of the reason I am this way because a piece of my soul is missing. To have resurrected in my past life, I needed to pull all parts of my soul together and I didn't do that in time so I died. Nyx wanted to repay me for my service so she sent me as a reincarnation to this life, and I don't think I got all of my soul pieces...I think that is partially why it is so easy for me to flip the humanity switch and to be cruel." 

Caroline answered "That would explain things. But don't worry Damon, the three of us will help you get through this and to help you keep yourself from doing anything to abhorrently that you couldn't handle." 

Enzo and Elijah nodded and Damon smiled at them, he was thankful for them and for their listening ears. He felt a tad bit lighter now that someone knew his secret and the reason behind his personality and hard to love tendencies. He also felt lighter that he wasn't alone in this burden to carry. 

He whispered "Thanks, guys. Just so you know, sometimes I relive the soul shattering the pain that goes with it vividly if the memories go too far, so I wanted you to be prepared for that." 

Enzo answered "We will help you through that too mate, we aren't leaving you. We will be with you every single step of the way on this road to recovery." 

Damon grinned and stood up to hug them all again. He knew it was abnormal for him to act like this, but he just couldn't express his gratitude any better. He smiled softly when the three stood there in the secluded woods with him hugging him like there was no tomorrow. 

It was then that Damon Salvatore felt some of his broken pieces start to heal and for the first time in a long time, he felt like he wasn't alone. 

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