My teenage voCRABulary

This a story and a diary about alomst every teenagers life, teenagers problems and teenagers thoughts. Follow a girl through a story about ups and downs, memories she wanna remember and memories she wanna forget.

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5. Drugs

 

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Just as I thought I had proved to myself what’s important in life. Friends and family. Not some jerk you fancy for some stupid unexplainable reason. And not what people think of you. I found myself in a deep and dark hole. Not literally of course but I felt alone and wrong. I didn’t feel appreciated and I didn’t enjoy life.

I always slept and I never talked to anyone but my mom, when she tried to get some food in me. All I could think about was how I had screwed up. I joined a party that I knew wasn’t at all going to be as good as I imagined, and I dumped by friends to show of my body without a bra, for everyone to keep as a permanent memory on the internet, just by clicking once on a camera button on their phones.

I was buried in piles of dirty clothes, stacks of used plates and leftovers from days ago. I was locked inside my room only companied by the very strong smell of sweat and the lack of hygiene. When I came from the bathroom and stepped into my room it was like hitting a wall. So damn bad. But I didn’t care at all. I was left with my own depressed and destructive thoughts, until one very dark day when I opened my computer, which had not been opened for weeks. There were tons of unanswered emails and messages from friends, family and school. Phycologists who tried to contact me. I closed them all, and instead I joined a random chatroom I heard about in the corners at school. This was the place where contacts were made. Drug dealers had their network here. This was a very bad place to be, and especially when you were depressed, unsure and alone even before you became a part of it.

I found a status written on the wall of the chat site. The status was written by the most terrifying, well known and awfully respected man of them all. Zunko. He was the leader. The most terrifying person you can lay your eyes on. If you owed him money from drugs the amount you owed would suddenly raise with a hundred bucks, without any reason. If you didn’t pay of your debt you were pretty much done. Him or his hundred slaves would find you and they would take everything you had. Money in your pockets, jewelry and even your clothes if it had any value. And one thing was sure. They would beat you up until you weren’t able to talk or take a shit anymore.

Before I got to think about it I had posted a comment on his status. Seconds after a message popped into my inbox. It was from Zunko.

Hey beautiful. You new?

I was just about to answer, when another message popped in:

Know what? I don’t care. You have to come to the lake tonight. We’re a few people throwing a little something. Bring your own.

I deleted the answer to the first message and started to type an answer to the newest message, but I didn’t get to answer that either, because a couple of seconds before I would’ve send it he was offline.

I waited a few hours. Then put on a jacket and a pair of boots and went down towards the lake. My parents weren’t home yet and my brother didn’t care if I left the house, he probably didn’t even notice me leaving.

After a 15 minute walk I arrived at the lake. I had a six pack beer with me and was ready for a party. I had just reached the big group of people when Zunko came to greet me.

“Hi. You must be the new girl,” he said and touched my shoulder.

“Yeah, not” was all I got to say before he was talking again.

He looked at my beer and laughed.

“So you brought beer.”

It almost sounded like a question and it sure sounded like he found it hilarious. I gave him a strange look and answered:

“Yeah.”

He began to laugh, placed his hand on butt and followed me nearer the other people as he continued talking:

“When I said bring your own, beer wasn’t what I meant”.

He winked and showed me a plastic bag with a stash of marihuana.

“You can have some of mine,” he added.

This night I sat at the roof of a car and smoked with Zunko and his gang. He held his arm around me just like he probably did with every confused ‘new girl’. I don’t even know how many times I kissed that guy in one evening. I stopped counting after fifty. After a couple of hours I had kissed every freaking guy and girl in that gang, and every guy had touched me somewhere I wouldn’t want to mention. I was as slutty and gross as I had ever been in my entire life. I was a slut. Ew.

For every hour that went I got more and more dizzy and confused. Every sound was one big echo. I felt like my head was inside a ball that screws up every noise. In the middle of my confusion and dizziness I somehow managed to get myself half way home. Sometimes walking on my legs sometimes crawling on my knees. As I fell down at the road hit my own lack of self respect and control I was picked up by a pair of hands. In five seconds, I was hanging on the back of a pretty muscular guy. His voice was dark and beautiful somehow.

I was comfy and felt as good as ever. Besides from my crave for water and a bucket to throw up in I was happy. My hallucinations were wild and nothing I had ever experienced before. Everything I saw I didn’t believe at all. And then - that’s not true. One things I saw that night when I laid down in my bed feeling dizzy as hell is very still crystal clear to me. The back and the dark voice got a face. One gleam. Zunko. One kiss. Zunko.

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