Always (Harry Potter Fanfiction)

Written by me Sabitha Kiritharan Based on the relationship between Snape and Lily.

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1. Always


Chapter One

By Sabitha Kiritharan

 

"If you truly loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear. You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son," Dumbledore said.

 

 

Snape remembered what Dumbledore had told him, he had to protect Lily's son. It was if he would be a constant reminder of his failure. He had failed to protect her. All he could remember was how he had been the reason for her death. His Lily was gone forever. Snape remembered cradling Lily's cold body and screaming in pain over the girl he loved. If only there was some way to bring her back, he would have done anything to see her smile one more time. He was sitting alone in his office; the deadly silence reminded him how lonely he was. Every day he thought of her, and each day he died once more. A part of him had died the day Lily died. After she was gone, it was as if there was no meaning to life anymore. A sudden sound of a breath awoke Severus Snape from his thought as he looked at both sides in his office, as if he wondered who would dare interrupt him. His eyes suddenly fell on the photo of him and Lily, he leaned forwards grabbed the photo and stared at it. It was a photo of a young Lily and Snape lying on the grass, so happy unaware of the horror that would follow in their lives. A lone tear escaped and fell gently on the photo. He closed his eyes and relived his lost life.

Snape stared at the beautiful young girl in front of him. She was his best friend, his sole companion. The other part of him, he loved this girl more than anything in the world. He would die for her in a heartbeat and would do anything for her happiness. She was pretty with auburn hair curled around her face and bright green eyes that peered at him in excitement. He brushed a strand of her loose hair and tucked it behind her ear, she just smiled at his gesture. They were friends, best friends.

"I had such a wonderful time today," Lily declared in happiness, a massive grin lighting up her face, she twirled around in her pretty blue dress making Snape smile as she watched him.

She was the only girl who could make him smile, with everyone else he was so cold and inhuman but with Lily he was happy, it was like she made him feel human.

"Why, what did you do today," he asked her wondering why this sudden outburst.

Though he loved seeing Lily so happy, he liked to know what was going on in her life, perhaps she had done well in her tests. That was very common for Lily so intelligent and hardworking, while for him, he just acted as if it didn't bother him.

"I went out on a date with James and it was wonderful!" Lily exclaimed, a dream like expression formed on her face.

An angry expression formed on his face as he thought of that horrid James Potter, his number one enemy, "A date with James, why didn't you tell me before," he demanded angrily.

Lily looked confused, "I did tell you now, dad." she joked not understanding the seriousness of the situation.

"Why did you go on a date with James Potter?" Severus Snape demanded, grabbing hold of Lily's frail shoulders as he stared at her in anger.

He was angry but more than that he was hurt. Hurt by Lily's action, did she not understand how upset she had made him.

"Let me go Snape, your hurting me," Lily complained in hurt, shocked Snape let her go and took a step back.

He didn't mean to hurt her, he was just so furious at James.

"I'm sorry Lily; I didn't mean to hurt you. I just don't understand why you went on a date with him," Snape asked again, taking a deep breath to ensure he wouldn't hurt Lily.

"I can go on a date with whoever I want. It was so wonderful and we kissed," Lily answered, not understanding the reason for his anger.

"You kissed!" Snape shouted furiously, clenching his hands.

"I love him, I think I have finally found my true love and it's him James. He's the one I want to be with," Lily said happily, a hint of blush forming on her cheeks.

All he could see was red, as he hit the wall angrily. He was too hurt to even notice the blood trickling from his hand. She loved him, and then who was he? Snape had always loved Lily, but it was like she never noticed how he felt.

"You love him, and then what about me?" Snape inquired, turning to face Lily.

"Your bleeding Snape, give me your hand we need to heal it," Lily said, grabbing hold of Snape bleeding hand and ripping a piece of her blue dress as she tied it around the wound.

"Let go," Snape ordered, causing Lily to let go as she stared at Snape taking a step away from him.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked.

Lily shook her head but he knew she was. Most of the other students were scared of Snape because they saw it as a monster, and it was like his Lily was staring at him like a monster too.

"I thought you loved me Lily, you promised me that you would always love me," Snape said hurt as if all his dreams of happiness was slowly disappearing.

"I do love you Snape, but as my friend. You’re my friend and you will always be my friend," Lily said, pressing a hand to his cheek.

At any other time he would be happy that Lily was touching him, but now it made him even more enraged. It was as if she was taunting him. Everyone was the same. He was the stupid one for thinking that Lily even cared about him, and it made him feel so angry.

"Friend," Snape repeated taking a step back as the sudden realisation that he would never mean anything more than a friend settled in.

She would never love him; she had always seen him as her friend. He felt as if she had played with his emotions, had played with his heart. Inside he was breaking, he could feel immense feeling of sadness wash over him but the feeling of hurt was even worse.

"I hate you, you're just a mudblood, you will never be my friend," he announced angrily.

Lily's face fell as she whispered the word "mudblood" quietly, tears trickling down her cheek as she began crying. Before he could apologise to her, she turned to leave and watched her run away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. " he shouted.

He didn't mean to say that, he was just so angry. It had just come out of his mouth. Snape wished he could do something to fix this, he wished those words never came out of his mouth. Snape had never wanted to hurt Lily, he just wanted her to see he was hurting and now he had ruined everything.

Lily turned to face him, "You did mean to say that," she insisted staring at Snape from a distance.

"Please forgive me, I'm sorry," he repeated wanting her to forgive him.

"I hate you Severus Snape," she cried before leaving him in the corridors.

He stared watching the girl he loved run away from her, and at that moment he knew that their friendship which she had promised would always remain had gone forever.

Snape awoke tears in his eyes, as he gasped pressing a hand to his chest. As he knocked over the chair and took a few steps before he collapsed onto the cold hard floor. He had wanted to apologise to her so many times, but she had never spoken to him ever, that day she chose James over him. As much as he hated it, he knew James was better than him, he would love her. The day she died had been the day he died as well. When she chose James, even though he was hurt he was happy knowing that she was alive and happy. But seeing her cold lifeless form on the floor would be an image he would never forget. He had killed her; he was the only one to be blamed. As the darkness came for him, all he thought was about his love for Lily, he would love her.

Always.

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