The Theory of Abstraction

This is a surrealist and very abstract piece (the title gives it away :). Although the conscious and the logical are very much present, the unconscious and the subconscious are the driving forces here. So don't be surprized if it seems incomprehensible at times.


1. The Beginning


Copyright © 2017 by Andy Stelar. All rights reserved.


~~It all began when I decided to find out who I was. I knew certain facts about myself, but no fixed truth. For example, I knew that when I was born I was sort of dropped into the world like a drop of hot candle wax into a pool of cold water. I formed and stiffened, but never knew where I came from or who I was. So I had to find out the truth. At that time I did not know that there generally could no fixed truth be found, that Truth was just this fluid, ever-changing persona with all possible borderline personality disorders that ever have been known. She wondered off to places no one knew had ever existed, and, as it happened, it was just one of those times when the Truth was nowhere to be found, while I needed her badly. So obviously to find the Truth was a problem, and, as I learned in innumerable schools that I in my time had attended, in order to solve a problem one needed Theory, Method, and other useful personages.

As far as Knowledge allowed me – and he did not allow that much, as strict as he was – Theory that I had access to was not quite suitable for the purpose. In order to be able to find Truth I needed some serious Theory, a more mature one, if one may say so. Theory of my acquaintance was all hearts and flowers with Hypothesis. Theory and Hypothesis always went hand in hand: they obviously liked to be demonstrative about their relationship. Funny, considering the duration of their affair. The point, however, was that I could either find another Theory, or wait for, I don’t know, a couple of thousands years for this one to become mature. Waiting was not an option, as I am not of a patient nature. So the obvious solution was to get a new Theory to know.

This solution also had its disadvantages, of which the major one was the fact that I neither knew where to look for the new Theory, nor how to look for her. What I had an idea about is how to make different substances. I was pretty good at formulating concepts (or to put it otherwise, make formulas). And so I decided to experiment with my abilities, and this is how my Theory of Abstraction came to life. Well, not quite, first I had to make her, and only then she went to Life, but eventually she came there.

What follows next is the description of the creation process of the Theory of Abstraction and a scientific account of her qualities. After this a thorough account of my journey after Truth will follow.

To begin with, I have decided that Abstraction should own Theory, that’s why it is the Theory of Abstraction. Then I needed to define Abstraction. This is when my troubles started. I never thought how difficult it would be. To make a formula of Abstraction was absolutely out of the question. Abstraction turned out to be too big to fit the question, so I had to keep it out of it. For the same reason there was no way to make a formula of Abstraction, as it had too many constituents. Another problem was the question of which of the constituents to begin with.

I decided to start with anything. It hit me that I do not own anything, that is to say I own Nothing (does that mean that Nothing is my bitch?) And Nothing, being limitless, beginningless and endless, turns out as quite a lot to own. I own nothing, yet I own infinitely much. Fortunately, I had time to speculate about this paradox. Time just turned up, as he usually did, uninvited. No surprise, though, because everybody knows that Time is a jerk. He is this narcissistic bastard suffering from ADS (Adventure Deficiency Syndrome) – he thinks that he is something special just because he flies. He is restless and cruel to everyone. No mercy. Never stops and never goes back. Time is running out like on Salvador Dalí’s picture. To fight Time I have come up with a revitalizing mask recipe: 

1 dl of eternity or 1 circle (whatever is available)
3 spoonfuls of pure harmony in powder
A pinch of music
1 stick of equilibrium
141,75 grams of egoism seeds with strong growth potential
Large nothing for thinking
10-15 drops of angel’s urine

Take a Deep Dish and mix the ingredients in it. Oh, and do not apply it on yourself, give it Time instead. Sure, he will only look younger by using your cream, but it will at least keep him at bay for a while. 

Useful tip:
If you do not happen to have a pinch of music you can make some yourself by using this formula:           

Actually, not for so long time ago I have read that one could also use about 3 GB of circle, age extract and a couple of medium sized rhetorical questions against Time. I should definitely try that and Hope that it will work. Besides, Hope herself could help. Hope took a perfectly good sniper education and now she is wasting her Life trying to shoot Death. If I am lucky, I will manage to convince Hope to take a shot at Time, because one thing is for sure – Hope will do us all some good, if she kills Time.


Death also has no taste, no colour, no sound, no sensation, no form, no beginning, no end, no light, no emotion, no limit, etc. Therefore Death equals Nothing, and so I am bound to own Death. And if I have Death, then I myself am dead and therefore I am not alive. Yet, I can move, and think, and understand, and fear, etc. All this indicates that I am alive or at least that I possess some form of existence. Ergo I am both dead and alive at the same Time.

As you probably have noticed, I have several times reached the point of absurdity by now. The Point of Absurdity is situated in the western part of the world, in a very picturesque area, which is strongly recommended to the tourists of our parts. If you have never been at the Point of Absurdity you have really missed a lot.

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