In A Moment

Don't you hate it when you never talk to a person. When someone is always there and then one day you wake up and suddenly they aren't. It's like nothing was ever wrong, the day before they were making you breakfast and kissing your head but you wake up the next day and can't find them anywhere. There are so many things you wish you could say to them but now you can't.

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1. In A Moment

There were so many things that I never got to tell her. So many hugs and kisses I wish I could give. So many mistakes that I wish I could ask for her to forgive. She adopted me when I was three weeks old and she’s raised me up to now. I’m not her biological child but she’s my mom. She nursed ever fever, endured every tantrum, she laughed, she smiled, she yelled, she screamed.

When I was five I made something for her for mother’s day, it’s still hanging above the mantel with my name carved in it. ‘For Mommy’ it says. I remember when I was ten; I yelled at her all the time and told her she wasn’t my real mom. Now I stand at her grave and weep.

Mom used to sing me songs; she used to smile as she watched me sleep. I was her little baby and now she’s gone. I don’t regret every good moment but I do regret all those times when I was a teen and she wanted to hang out. I wouldn’t come out of my room or I would be down at the bay. She would search for me.

Now the roles are reversed, I’m searching for her but she’s asleep in her grave. I remember when I was thirteen and mom got real sick. She held my hand and looked me in the eyes and said.

“If I shall die, do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there I do not sleep. Don’t cry over me don’t cry Henry. I am not there I do not sleep. I am not in that grave.”

I stand with flowers in my hand. Sunflowers, those were Mom’s favorite. A shoulder is rested on my hand but then it’s not there. I hear her voice in the wind as I kneel down and kiss her grave. ‘Regina Mills, loving mother, sister and daughter.’ I don’t want to think about her death.

“Henry, be brave, be strong. Stand tall and do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there I do not sleep.”

“Mom I never got to tell you that I was sorry for rebelling when I was ten. When you told me you weren’t my real mother I was so upset. To everyone you might be the Evil Queen but to me you are my mommy.”

I stand back up and kiss two fingers before pressing the fingers to her name. She was so young and she didn’t deserve to die. I take Ella’s hand and walk away. Mom was gone. As we walk I turn to Ella and say.

“Too bad Lucy will never meet her grandmother. Regina was really something else. She was the best mom in the world. Well in my case one of the best moms but still.”

“I know Henry.”

I hold my wife’s hand and walk away from Mom’s grave. She died three days ago. She died on Wednesday. On Tuesday night we went over, she cooked us supper and we helped her clean. We told her we were naming our daughter Lucy and she laughed. The next day I called her and she didn’t answer. I found her in her bed, I thought she was asleep but she was dead. Now she was sleeping peacefully in her tomb.

Goodbye sweet mother, it’s been real. I miss you and shall see you one day in the clouds.

 

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