A Sinner's Future

Jaye Wolfe has had a pretty rough life. Throughout her childhood she had to deal with her mom's abuse and now in college, her depression got worse and worse everyday. Now here she is waking up after committing suicide, in an all white room with two doors. She could go to live with the demons that have chosen her as a soul tie in the world her choices have created or she can go back to her life and see what awaits her. What will she chose? Find out in A Sinner's Future.

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4. Pain + Pain = Cope

I waved goodbye to Marsh and River as they walked through the portal. It had been about a week since I’ve been in this world. I got used to things pretty quick and I took new things pretty well which made me glad. I don’t know what they would do if I had a panic attack over something.

It had been the same sort of routine since I got here. I’d wake up, get River up, get dressed, spend the day talking with all of them about what life was going to be like in these plains, cook dinner with Marsh, and then I go to bed. River had been staying in my room every other night. She told me she doesn’t like being alone in new places.

The only thing that had been bothering me lately had been that Haven was awfully quiet when I was around. At first I thought it was something I did but River reassured me that he was simply a shy person around new people. I could understand and respect that seeing as I was a rather reserved person myself but even after this whole week of me getting to know Marsh and River, Haven still seemed to elude my attempts at conversation.

I think Marsh might have picked up on this because he decided to go into the market world with River leaving me and Haven alone. Part of me was glad he was trying to help but the other part was picking up my almost forgotten social anxiety.

I sighed hugging my arms around myself and walking back into the house. I didn’t stay in there for long instead easily navigating the rooms until I was in the back yard. It had easily become my favorite part of this little world. Most people would be afraid of the trees, given that they are metal and have sharp blades for leaves, but I love the way they look. I assumed since this world was created from my choices that the trees represented my cutting habits.

I walked over to a tree that was a little shorter than the rest. I quickly scaled it to a little nook in between two branches. I let my back rest against one of them while my legs hands off the side of the other. I began to swing my one leg back and forth. Each time it swung back towards the tree it would slide across a low hanging blade and gently cut the skin.

I wasn’t able to truly cut like I used to but this had been able to satisfy my craving. I figured out that this worked just as well about two days after I got here.

Part of me hated the fact that I needed to feel that familiar sting of a blade slicing through my flesh but I couldn’t help it. I was so addicted to the rush that, that pain gave me that it felt like I needed that to be sane.

“Could you stop that?”

I jumped at the sound of Haven’s cool voice. I stopped swinging my leg as I frowned down at him.

“How did you find me?”

He rolled his eyes, “I can see you from my bedroom window. You’ve done this everyday since you discovered this spot.”

I hugged my arms around myself feeling more than a little awkward that he’s known this whole time, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

He blushed lightly looking down, “If Marsh or River found out it wouldn’t have ended well.”

I faintly remember Marsh saying Haven’s secondary power was being able to see visions of the future.

He sighed rubbing the back of his head, “W-Would you like to see something?”

I blinked a little shocked at the offer, “S-Sure, I guess.”

I climbed down landing on my feet next to him. I kept one arm hugged around myself out of nerves. He began to lead me through a small path that was almost fully clear of any branches. We walked in silence until we reached a beautiful aqua blue colored lake.

My eyes widened in amazement as I walked closer and knelt down next to the water, “It’s so pretty.”

Haven chuckled quietly as he sat down next to me, “I found it while I was exploring the woods one day.”

I let out a small giggle as I gently touched the surface of the water making ripples appear. I then gave Haven a smile, “Thank you for showing me.”

His pale cheeks tinted red once again, “I-It’s nothing. I just figured this would be a better pastime than… sitting in that tree.”

My smile dimmed a bit as I looked back to the water, “It… probably seems silly to still cut myself even after I’ve died.”

“Well, it’s weird to me because I’m a demon. Demons don’t injure themselves on purpose for any reason and I’m not familiar with human traditions,” He said calmly.

I sighed deeply, “It’s not really a tradition… It’s… something humans do to cope with pain.”

“By causing themselves more pain?”

I chuckled, “I guess it sounds weird when you put it like that. Hmm…” I thought carefully on how to word things, “I’ll try to tell you the reason I do it, or did do it. You know that when I was younger my mom molested me.” He nodded quickly. “Well that caused me to develop depression when I realized that what she was doing was not normal. It was… like I was lifeless. I lost all interest in everything, I didn’t want to eat or drink anything, hell I didn’t even want to leave my room at all. I spent a few weeks trying to do anything to make me feel alive again. I couldn’t figure anything out until I broke a plate when I was going to put it in the sink. When I was picking up the larger glass shards, I accidentally sliced my hand.” I showed him the small scar on my left palm staring down at it sadly, “When I felt that pain, it… felt like I was living again. It gave me such a rush. So I began to do it when I was feeling down, but it quickly became something I did all the time.” I pulled my hand to my chest frowning deeply, “I got addicted to the adrenaline rush it gave me. It became a way to feel like I wasn’t lifeless anymore.”

Haven frowned a bit, “So… why still do it here? You seem so happy now.”

I half smiled at him giving a small shrug, “Because it truly is addicting. It’s just the same as being addicted to drugs or alcohol. You like the feeling it gives you so much that you feel like you need it.”

Haven seemed to hesitate before looking back to me, “Will you… be able to stop? If it’s like an addiction then it can be hard to stop it, right?”

I nodded slowly, “I guess I just don’t have much to do here. When I’m talking with the others or helping with something then I’m distracted but the free time I have to myself leaves that nagging feeling in the back of my head.”

Haven bit his lip seeming to think hard about what I had said, “What if I help distract you from it when you’re not busy helping the others?”

I smiled a bit, “I mean it’d be nice to spend some time with you while I’m not busy. I’ve gotten to know a bit about River and Marsh but you never seem to want to talk.”

He blushed with a sheepish smile, “So… you noticed?”

I giggled, “It’s kind of hard not to. You’re always so quiet when I’m around. In fact I think this is the most we’ve ever talked.”

“S-Sorry about that. It’s just…” He hesitated before giving a shy smile, “When we saw the picture of what you looked like, I didn’t expect you to be even prettier in person. Your ginger hair is so soft and shiny and your freckles are just adorable a-and I get really shy around pretty girls!”

I blushed lightly letting out a warm chuckle, “That has to be the sweetest reason to avoid a person.” I gave him a kind smile, “Plus I can understand where you’re coming from. I wasn’t exactly this social when I was alive. In fact anytime a cute guy said anything to me, I’d usually just run off.”

He laughed lightly rubbing the back of his head, “Thanks for understanding. Though I can’t seem to picture you running away from anybody. You seem so confident around us.”

“I’ve never been confident around people. If I was with close friends than I could try and act confident but I never truly was.” I sighed slightly smiling faintly as I looked out at the water, “I guess I just lost any kind of confidence when I…” I stopped myself unsure if I should go on.

“If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine but I’m sure I won’t judge you for it.”

I hesitantly looked over at him trying to analyze his calm expression. It was pretty obvious that none of the Kersey siblings would judge me for any reason but I still had my doubts. I mean even if they knew of some of the basics of what I went through, they still don’t know the extent of everything.

I bit my lip hesitantly before giving Haven a small hopeful smile, “I’d appreciate if I didn’t have to tell you now. Maybe I will some day but I… just don’t feel fully comfortable with telling you guys my life’s story yet.”

He searched my expression before nodding silently. It was silent for a bit aside from the sounds of me playing with the water. It wasn’t tense or awkward, which surprised me a bit. I’d have assumed that they would be more upset when I kept things from them. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad they understand, I just have never experienced that before.

“Would you like to see a trick?”

I looked over at Haven in surprise, “Oh, uh… Sure.”

He smiled before lifting his hand. I watched in amazement as some of the aqua colored water lifted up into a bubble. I touched the surface lightly watching as ripples moved around the bubble fluidly.

I giggled slightly my caramel brown eyes lighting in wonder, “Wow, that’s so cool!”

Haven chuckled, “It’s our inherited power.”

I tilted my head as he gently placed the bubble back into the lake, “Inherited power?”

“Oh, I guess no one had to explain that yet. Demons get two powers at birth. One that’s inherited from our demon parent and another random one that is chosen by fate,” He quickly summarized.

I nodded slightly in understanding, “I guess that would explain why you all have different secondary powers.”

“We should probably head back now. River and Marsh should be home soon.”

I smiled, “Okay. Thanks again for helping me today.”

He blushed lightly, “N-No problem.”

We headed back and greeted Marsh and River when they came home. We all had a fun time joking around as we put the groceries away.

You know, dying isn’t that bad.


Btw the title is a joke. I couldn't think of anything, I am very sorry.
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