A Sinner's Future

Jaye Wolfe has had a pretty rough life. Throughout her childhood she had to deal with her mom's abuse and now in college, her depression got worse and worse everyday. Now here she is waking up after committing suicide, in an all white room with two doors. She could go to live with the demons that have chosen her as a soul tie in the world her choices have created or she can go back to her life and see what awaits her. What will she chose? Find out in A Sinner's Future.

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7. Opening up

“Jaye, it’s time to get up.”

I grumbled cuddling closer to the source of comfort under my head.

I heard River chuckle, “Come on. Dinner’s done.”

“Do I have to get up?” I whined tiredly.

“It would be appreciated.”

I sighed forcing my eyes to open. I then realized I was still resting on River’s stomach. I turned so my chin was resting on her tummy and I was looking up at her.

She smiled softly brushing her fingers through my hair, “Feeling better?”

“Yea… I’m sorry about breaking down like that.”

“It’s okay to break down Jaye. I know you don’t like to rely on others but… we are here if you need us.”

I smiled at her before finally sitting up and stretching, “What’s for dinner anyway?”

She giggled, “Marsh made Philly cheese steak sandwhiches for you.”

My smile brightened, “Well come on! Let’s go!”

She chuckled getting up and helping me up as well. We headed downstairs and into the dining room.

Haven smiled at me in his usual calm way, “Feeling better?”

I nodded with a small smile, “Much.”

I sat down next to him as Marsh brought out the last plate. We began eating in silence.

“I…” Everyone looked to me at the sound of my voice. “I’m sorry for breaking down like that.”

They all looked at each other before Marsh smiled at me, “It’s alright to break down. That’s why we’re here.”

Haven nodded in agreement, “We told you when you came here, we want to help you through your issues.”

River giggled, “You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t break down a few times. Given all that’s happened to you.”

I smiled at them brightly, “Thank you. It means a lot that you guys are willing to help.” I looked away slightly a little ashamed, “I don’t know. I just feel like I should be over this, or at least able to talk about it without crying.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s been over two years since my mom has even been near me! I shouldn’t be so… dramatic.”

Marsh gave me a slightly surprised look, “Jaye, you were molested. Abused sexually and mentally for over 12 years straight.”

“I should still be able to say the word ‘pussy’ without freaking out inside! I can’t even call myself pretty anymore! And any time someone does call me pretty, I shouldn’t immediately feel disgusted with myself!”

“Why are you so ashamed?”

Everyone’s eyes snapped to River in shock.

She simply looked curious instead of harmful, “You know I can feel your emotions. Every time you are reminded of any aspect of your mother or what she did to you, you always pulse with an ashamed feeling. At first I thought it was my imagination but I can see now it isn’t.”

Haven and Marsh turned to look at my blank face in expectance of my response.

“Why, out of all the mothers in the world, did mine have to be the pedophile who was into little girls?” River flinched at how sharp and emotionless my voice sounded. “Why, out of all the little girls in the world, did I have to be the one to get molested? Why, out of every thing they could have put me through, did they chose to make me get tortured in a way that would make me disgusted with myself for the rest of my life? Why would anyone with a soul put a little girl through that kind of hell?”

“I-I didn’t-”

“You start to wonder about all those things when you realize what’s going on. You start to think ‘Maybe it was something I did’ or ‘Maybe I wasn’t worth enough’. At first you find every reason to blame everyone else around you but then you realize that it’s you. You are the only reason it happened. Because for some god forsaken reason, you were the one they decided to fuck over.”

It was dead silence. Neither of the boys new how to break the small battle going on and River was just giving me an apologetic look unable to find the right words.

I stood up finally breaking the silence, “I’m not hungry anymore.”

I turned and walked out the back door. I walked to my tree, scaled it, and sat in my nook. My entire body was screaming for me to cut my leg a couple of times but my heart reminded me of Haven’s sad face when he made me promise to stop.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I had come to have feelings for the demons who called me their soul tie. Why they chose me is still beyond my comprehension but I’m glad they did. They’ve proven they care for me…

And I’ve done nothing in return.

“Are you okay?”

“What do you think Marsh?”

He flinched slightly noting the my tone was still sharp and emotionless, “Okay, bad question.”

I sighed looking at the tree tops beside me, “I’m just in a bad mood.”

“She didn’t mean any harm.”

“I know.”

He scoffed, “Then why the hell did you chew her out?!”

I chuckled, “Because that’s what I do best.”

“What?!”

I gave a bleak grin, “I hurt the people I care about.” I was met with a silence that made me laugh at myself, “Think about it Marsh. Instead of telling someone what happened and getting help, I took the coward’s route. I wrote down as much as I could stomach, Then chugged sleeping pills. I left anyone who even bothered to care about me to wonder why I didn’t come to them for help.” I scoffed bitterly, “God only knows why anyone would bother to care about me. I’m worthless.”

“Stop it.”

I looked down at Marsh in shock of his dead serious tone, “Wha-”

“You are not worthless just because your mother was a psycho.”

I scowled my depression flaring and fueling my misplaced anger, “How am I worth anything to anyone Marsh!? I’m a used up sex toy! I was good for nothing else in my own mother’s life! Why would anyone give a fuck about me!? I’m-”

“Beautiful.”

I blinked at River in shock, “W-What? No! I’m not! I’m-”

“Stunning.”

I could feel a blush begin to grow on my cheeks at Haven’s sweet tone, “W-What are you guys doing?” My anger was fading fast, to be replaced with embarrassment.

Marsh smirked, “You’re really caring.”

“You’re amazing with animals.”

“You are incredibly strong.”

“Despite not needing to, you help with anything you can.”

“You’re an amazing singer.”

“You have the cutest freckles.”

“And despite being partly forced into meeting us, you care about us.”

My entire face, from my neck to the tips of my ears, was red. I was definitely not expecting the barrage of compliments, especially after I had just fought with one of them. I had never had anyone point out so many good things about me.

“W-Why?”

Haven smirked slightly, an odd sight on him, “Why what?”

I blinked trying to form a coherent sentence, “Why, after I just berated River, are you giving me compliments?”

River smiled softly, “Because we care about you Jaye. We don’t like seeing you destroy your own confidence when it’s just starting to rise.”

Haven chuckled, “We want to make you happy. That’s kind of our job as your soul tie.”

Marsh smiled at me caringly, “Despite being able to go back to your life and correct your sins, you chose to go with us. Whether that was out of fear or not, you still managed to care about us despite everything.”

My heart melted to my feet. I could tell my face softened as well, despite it still glowing red.

I sighed slightly looking away from them to the tree tops next to me, “I’m sure there were plenty of other girls for you to choose from, why would you pick one that… that has so many issues with herself?”

“We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, we want to help you. You just have to let us.”

I hesitated before I looked over at them, “I’m not good at opening up to people. You’ve seen how I reacted from telling one story! I… I’m not used to telling people about myself. I’ve kept a whole side of me hidden from the world.”

River smiled at me, “Then let us be the ones to help you learn to open up. We can take it as slow as you need to. You can tell anyone of us anything you’re comfortable with telling at any time.”

“Are you guys sure about this? It’s not going to be easy or instant.”

“We’re willing to wait,” Haven said with his usual calm smile.

Marsh chuckled, “We’ve waited this long haven’t we?”

A smile broke out onto my face. It had been a long time since someone was patient enough to care about what I had to say.

“Fine,” I agreed still grinning, “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I climbed down landing next to River. We went back inside and quickly finished dinner.

 
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