A Sinner's Future

Jaye Wolfe has had a pretty rough life. Throughout her childhood she had to deal with her mom's abuse and now in college, her depression got worse and worse everyday. Now here she is waking up after committing suicide, in an all white room with two doors. She could go to live with the demons that have chosen her as a soul tie in the world her choices have created or she can go back to her life and see what awaits her. What will she chose? Find out in A Sinner's Future.

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6. Breaking down

“You’re… really willing to talk about everything?” Marsh asked hesitantly, “You’re usually finding every way to avoid the topic.”

I sighed looking away from them, “I’m… not exactly an open book Marsh. I’ve had to keep an entire part of my life hidden away in fear of being hated.” I hesitantly looking back at them with a nervous smile, “You guys can ask me any question you’d like and I’ll answer it honestly.”

River frowned obviously sensing my nervousness and fear, “Are you sure Jaye? We don’t want you to feel like we’re forcing you to tell us. If you want to wait-”

“No,” I cut her off gently before taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. I gave a less tense smile, “You all have waited patiently for this past month and didn’t even attempt to push me when I hid things from you. I’ve come to know almost everything about you guys and… you know nothing about me or my past. I want to do this, to show that I care about you guys just as much as you care about me.”

They all looked at each other before Haven broke the silence between us, “If you’re really sure…” I nodded once. “Fine, do you want to go sit inside?”

I nodded once again before we all heading into the living room. They all sat on the couch while I sat in the chair. It was reminiscent of when I first came here.

I forced myself to relax slightly, “I would like to ask one thing before you ask your questions.” They all nodded for me to continue. “What all do you know about what happened between me and… my mother?”

“The file we read only said that your mother had abused you sexually and mentally since you were around 6. It didn’t say any specifics on what happened or what sparked your depression starting early,” Marsh explained calmly.

I nodded slowly before sighing, “Alright, you can ask me anything you’d like.”

They all looked at each other again before River spoke hesitantly, “W-What caused your depression to start so early?”

I was a little surprised that this was her first question but answered anyway, “When I was 13 I learned about sexual abuse… it made me realize what my mother was truly doing. Up until that point, I had just thought that what my mom did was a normal thing for moms to do. There were small signs, like when I started to dislike people touching me but all the other kids in my grade were fine with it. I guess I was in denial for a while but when I realized what was going on… I became very, very depressed. I started cutting to cope with it. That’s pretty much what my life was until I went to college.”

“I know this will seem forward to ask but… W-What exactly did your mom do to you?”

I blinked a little shocked that Marsh was the one to ask, “W-Well, um… Depends on which part you mean. Do you mean the first time she… abused me or do you mean what she did most often?”

He hesitated almost as if he was scared to push me.

I sighed giving him a soft smile, “Marsh, it’s okay to ask. I told you I want to do this.”

He sighed, “Sorry, I just don’t want to offend you or something.” I simply rolled my eyes making him chuckle, “I guess I mean both. I-I guess I’m just confused because demon mothers are usually very loving and kind.”

I bit my lip thinking of how to word things, “The first time it happened… I had just turned 6, only a few days prior, and my mom came into my room while my dad was out on another business trip. She… said we were going to play a… s-special game that only big girls were able to play.” I hugged my arms around myself to prevent myself from scratching at my skin. I swallowed hard to push away the lump in my throat, “She… said I had to take my clothes off. She was my mother so I didn’t think anything of it and followed her instruction. T-Then she…” I took in a deep, shaking breath and closed my eyes tight, “She said to sit on her lap. I again didn’t think anything of it and obeyed. S-She… began to touch me and tell me what a p-p-pretty girl I was,” I forced the words out of my mouth like they were poison. I cleared my throat before continuing, “S-She-”

“You don’t have to continue… I get the idea,” Marsh’s voice interupted gently.

I shook my head opened my eyes to give him a serious look, “I’m not going to get over this if I can’t even say what happened to me.” He hesitantly nodded for me to continue. I took in another shaking breath looking away from them slightly ashamed, “She kept touching me and m-making me say how much I l-loved her. After a while, she um… she took of her underwear and lifted her skirt up. S-She said…” I swallowed the lump in my throat again, “She said that really good girls would…” I took in another breath closing my eyes again, “Would know how to m-make mommy feel good. So she… f-forced me to lick her… area. After she had finished she cleaned us up and said we would p-play again soon.”

I felt gentle but firm hands grab my wrists and pull them away from my upper arms. I opened my misty eyes to see Haven giving me a small frown.

“You were hurting yourself.”

I blinked looking down at my arms at the already healing scratches on my skin, “I-I-I didn’t-”

I couldn’t find my words. It felt like my brain was clouded with emotions and flashbacks of what had happened to me.

Haven moved to kneel in front of me still holding onto my wrists, “Look at me.” I hesitantly looking into the familiar pools of blue. “It’s alright. You’re safe.”

I clenched my fists tightly biting my lip to prevent my sobs from escaping. I didn’t want to cry in front of them. I hadn’t ever had a panic attack in front of anybody but… I never really told anyone what happened to me either.

River moved to sit on the chair arm next to me putting an arm around me, “It’s okay Jaye. Breath.”

I closed my eyes tightly trying to ignore the pounding feeling in my heart.

I heard movement before another hand was placed on my back.

“It’s okay to cry Jaye. We won’t judge you.”

Something in me broke at Marsh’s kind words. Sobs broke free from my chest as tears flooded from my tightly shut eyes. I could feel Haven moved before his arms were wrapped around me. I buried my face into his shoulder trying to quiet my cries a little and clenched my fingers around his tee shirt. I hated to break down, especially after all the work I had done to avoid doing it in front of people, but it felt kind of good. To get it all out and have people listen without judgment. Usually when I had break downs, I was alone. There was no one to hold me and make me feel safe.

But here I am now, in the arms of three demons and feeling completely sheltered from any harm that would come my way.

Slowly my sobs weakened until they were small whines and the tears had stopped flowing from my eyes. I still didn’t move away from them, not wanting to lose that safe feeling I had.

“Feel any better?” River mumbled quietly as if not to spook me.

I nodded slightly in response still unable to speak.

I felt Marsh’s hand rub over my back gently, “How about you get some sleep?”

“B-But I-”

“No, no,” Haven hushed me gently obviously hearing how strained my voice was, “We can talk more later. You’ve had a long day. You can take a small nap and we’ll wake you up for dinner.”

I hesitantly nodded in agreement. I couldn’t exactly argue at the moment, I was barely able to talk at all.

Haven didn’t even give me a chance to stand. He simply picked me up bridal style from the chair. I didn’t object simply snuggling closer to his chest. I felt tired from my break down so why not let him carry me?

He carried me up the stairs and into my room. He laid me down and covered me up. The other watched from behind him obviously worried about me.

Haven and Marsh kissed my head quickly before heading back downstairs. River kissed my head as well but I caught her hand before she could leave. She turned to look down at me in question.

“Stay,” I mumbled tiredly.

She smiled laying down next to me. I surprised her by rolling closer and laying my head on her stomach. She put one arm around my back and the other on my upper arm. She gently rubbed my back in soothing circles.

I drifted off lulled by her soft breaths.

 
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