Or so I thought

Imagine those with who you last fought with disappearing, leaving you with a sorrowed heart and puzzled brain. Who could've taken those who mean the world to me? Who can I trust? "Nothing is as it seems anymore and I don't feel safe in my own skin."

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2. Brother who?

The town was in complete shock for a few days. Many search parties were conducted but neither proved useful. Theories and rumors flew around faster than solutions.

I felt sadness not only for myself but for my beloved brother who secretly loved her and I found my cure only in the man of my dreams, my boyfriend Den. His glowing eyes always brought relief to my heart and his smile made me a lucky girl. Den is the schools star soccer striker that led the team to victory in the fall and I am his number one fan. He loves me so ardently; I can tell from even the times that he stares at me from across the room. It is like we communicate on the basis of body language and eyes.

On Friday a memorial would be held in honor of Gina and a party was to be held after; that was the day that everything would happen for Den and I, or so I thought.

I had expectations for the night but soon enough they came crashing down as he lost himself in the famous art of alcohol.

By midnight he was nearly passed out and I, being his girlfriend, tried to steal a dance from him disregarding his state. Who can blame a girl with expectations?

Never had I ever beheld him in such a way, his beautiful eyes now covered in hatred. I thought that he wouldn’t remember me. Oh how wrong I was!

I lost him at “screw you Gina” before he spilled his booze on me fueling my newly built anger.

What I had as expectations turned into dark memories set to crumble me in pieces. This night it was my brother that cured my broken heart.

“I hate you Den Rodkins and I wish you'd burn"-- I cried on my brothers shoulder

This time on a weekend, Saturday morning at 10, awaken yet again by the tumbling down of doors and the sound of sirens in the distance. Thinking perhaps they'd found the body of MY best friend, I tried to contain my feelings while I rushed to the door only to be told of the new disaster.

Den Rodkins held with a knife on neck, or so I imagine it to be..., was reported missing by his parents when he failed to show up at his house after the memorial party. The cops were questioning everyone who was at the party and as I answered the common questions, theories started to fly around in my brain.

“Where was my beloved brother?” I heard the door to his room open during the morning and I could’ve sworn I heard him leave the household.

OH NO, my brother did it to protect me.

...

Or did he?

What a selfish boy, of course he wanted to take Gina for his fancies. Of course, he wanted to eliminate the obstacles.

"How could he?" “He knew how much these people mattered to me”

I will never forgive his selfish desires.

I will never forgive his cruel heart.

I will never forget him for threatening my best friend and boyfriend with a knife.

I will never forget him for ruining my life and my only reasons to keep going.

The town was in outrage after the new events that were taking place under their very noses. One turned into two and soon a third one would be snatched away from me by a cruel brother.

I was unsafe even in my very house. Living next door to a murderer.

“I hate my brother!” “I hate my brother!”

Soon the knocking came back; this time bearing distressing news.

“How could it be?” “He was just in this house the previous day”

“OHH how much anger and sadness I felt, that he, who had caused my misfortunes, was now victim?

...

Perhaps his coward self was was running from them?”

Everything was my brothers fault, even his disappearance. “I hate him”

I hate him because he took away my people.

 

I hate him because he threatened them with a knife.

 

I hate him because he locked them up in the old shack by the trees and left them there to rot.

 

I hate him because he pretends to be innocent.

 

But I know the truth.

 

I hate him because his admiration turned into envy, because his love was in fact obsession.

 

“Oh the beloved heavens, How Much I Hate My Brother, him who called the cops minutes after setting the shack on fire”

.....................................................................................................................................................................................

Tears streamed down my face, unable to withhold the pain and guilt anymore. I HATE HIM BECAUSE I AM HIM, BECAUSE IT WAS ME COULDN'T PUT UP WITH THEIR LOVE, BECAUSE THE GASOLINE SPILLED ON THEIR HEADS WAS MY HATRED NOT MY LOVE, BECAUSE IT WAS HE WHO TRIED TO STOP ME AND IT WAS HE WHO LATER BURNED. BECAUSE ON THAT SHACK LAID THE KEY TO MY INSANITY OR PERHAPS BECAUSE IT BURNED AWAY THREE INNOCENT SOULS AND A DESPERATE UNSAVED ONE.

Goodbye Gina.

Goodbye Den.

Goodbye Brother.

Goodbye to me.

 

 

 

 

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