The Suicide Plan

A story of a girl who attempted suicide and failed. This is her story after she wakes up and has to deal with the consequences around her.

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******THIS IS NOT REAL.  NONE OF IT.******

 

     I sat there, watching as my grandma cooked dinner.  Watching as she moved around the kitchen and cooked a hearty meal for her, my uncle, and myself.  She looked so happy, so unbreakable, even though she was 87.  What she didn’t know, what no one knew was that her world and everyone I knew was going to be shattered the next day. 

     I slipped away to her bathroom where her medicine cabinet was, and opened it.  In front of me lay all the medications she took, and the medications that were going to kill me.  I grabbed a handful of pills from various bottles, many of which were blood pressure medications, and slipped them into my back pocket to take that morning. 

     Walking back out, my grandma smiled at me and gave me a hug.  I tried to return her enthusiasm but I just couldn’t.  My smiles were empty and my hugs were no longer warm.  I couldn’t muster any strength to act like I was okay anymore.

     Two months ago, at the beginning of the second semester of freshman year, my whole world turned sideways.  I began to lie, and create stories about who I was, and I pulled in three of my closest friends to do so.  I fabricated lies, stories, and dragged my best friends into a world that didn’t exist. 

     As I got further and further into my stories, I realized there was no point to it, I could trust my friends; I didn’t have to test them.  I didn’t have to lie to them to get them to like me.  All I had to be was me and that was enough for everyone.  But I was too far in and too far deep, and I could do nothing about it. 

     If I told them I had lied there was no going back, they were going to be hurt, I was going to lose my best friends, and my girlfriend.  I wouldn’t be able to change what I had said, but maybe it would fade out, maybe they would forget about it.  However, I had no such luck. 

    My mom had found out that I had lied, and that day, my world was shattered.  Everything around me came crashing down, like a tidal wave, and I was a little grain of sand trying to stay grounded as everything around me was swept away.  My friends told me they would still be by my side even though I had lied, but I knew.  I knew that wasn’t possible.  The mistrust in their eyes shone too clear for me to be able to ignore. 

     I tried, I really did try to ignore it, and be okay with it.  Tried to remember that I hurt them and they needed time and space, but I couldn’t.  I couldn’t stand seeing them hate me so much for what I did, watch as they pushed me away and stayed away.  Watched, as they grew closer while I grew farther from them. 

     Remembered the times when they’d fight over who got to FaceTime me, or who got to spend time with me.  Remembered the times when we would laugh so hard at something so random and when I had the best girlfriend I could have ever wished for.

            So now, you can call me selfish, you can call me a bastard or a hypocrite, call me whatever you want, but I’m ending this.  I’m ending what I started.  They would be better off without me…everyone would be.

 

I put the pills in my mouth, and took a huge swig of water.

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