Shadows

Life gets complicated after the death of Magnus. Especially as the only person who makes Alec feel anything, even if it is only hate, is Clary Fray. However, its not smooth sailing when you're boyfriend and his Parabatai both love you. But, with Jace moving further away, will he push Clary into Alec's arm.

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7. Kiss?

Songs For Chapter 

I wish (you were mine) - Anders

Helpless - Ashanti feat. Ja Rule

All Alone - F.U.N

Thank You and Goodnight - Scouting for girls

Clary's Pov

I woke up with a pounding inside my head. We had partied until the early hours of the morning after the inspectors of the institute had left. Me, Izzy, Jace, Alec, and Raphael. A couple of other shadow hunters from the team came along too. 

- - - 

We had all changed into something more comfortable, all except Izzy, who traded her ball gown for some tight leather pants. 

I had sat on the sofa with Jace for a long time. His arm around my shoulder, all of us drinking and acting like normal people. 

"Are we going to carry on with the mundane activities?" Izzy had said, "What do you mean?" Raphael had frowned at her, "At house parties they play truth or dare, or seven minutes in heaven, something like that?" She beamed, and if Izzy wanted us to do something, we all had a hard time saying no. 

"Me and Simon used to play truth or dare all the time, it was a little bit pointless though, because there was nothing we didn't know about each other." I sighed, smiling at the memory and hurting with ache of it. 

Izzy had all us all playing, and from what I can remember, from when I played with Simon, it was fun. 

Raphael took Izzy to another room for seven minutes in heaven.

Jace had to have a lap dance from one of the other girls in the institute, flow, who may I add, had always had a thing for him. And, if you ask me, he enjoyed it a little too much, and spent a large remainder of the evening with her. 

As Jace continued to entertain flow, I had spotted Alec on the balcony. 

"Don't do it!" I called in an over dramatic voice, and he turns and flashes me a smile, and I can't help but grin back. 

"You look a little lonely out here." I smiled at him, and pulled myself up to sit on the ledge of the balcony. "You could fall." he told me, and I shrugged, "How much do you think I have actually had?" I laughed at him. 

"Why aren't you with Jace?" Alec asked me, adverting his eyes from mine, "Why aren't you?" I question him back, "He's your Parabatai." I tell him, and he turns back to me, "And he's your boyfriend." he reminds me, "Touché." I force a smile. 

"Jace is entertaining." I pointed through the door, where jace was sat on the sofa with Flow. "You'd think he'd know a good thing when he had it." Alec turned back to face me. 

"What's it like?" I asked him, and he looked at me confused, "Being parabatai with Jace?" I asked again. 

"It's like nothing else in the world. It's like i'm split in half, half if here, and half is within him. I know what he feels, like I can just sense it. It's not all nice like that though, sure, having someone who will always and unconditionally love you, is great. 

But, sometimes, like right now. It weakens the bond. Because, I think he's out of order, or he's done something that is wrong. The way he treats you, more so recently, that tests the bond. It's almost unbreakable. Jace is probably the person I love the most in the entire world, but sometimes, he can be the person I hate the most too. Having someone had this 24/7 link to your soul is kind of draining." he finished. 

Alec took a quick look back to Jace, who was still looking at Flow.

"So can you tell what he is thinking?" I pursue the idea, "No. Its more spiritual, like emotions." he explained, and I nodded. 

"Is he happy?" I looked at the way he was smiling at Flow, and he pulled my heart down a little bit. "He is." Alec had told me, and then put a hand under my chin, to tilt my head up. 

"Are you happy?" he asked me, and I reach my hand up to touch his face, and run my thumb over his cheek. "I am, here." I smiled to him. 

Alec looks at me for a moment, and tosses a loose curl from my face, "Do you ever think-" he pauses, and I feel my heart beat getting faster. "Forget it , you're not- you're in love with Jace." he stops himself. 

I realise then, he is stood between my legs as I am still sat on the balcony wall. He has one hand on my waist, and my hand it on his face. We are chest to chest, and I can feel his breath on my lips. 

I wondered if I was in love with Jace.

Because right now I had Alec.

And I wanted to kiss him. 

-  - -

But for the life of me, I couldn't remember if I did. 

I sat up and the cold light of day made everything worse. I showered quickly, pulling on yoga pants and very over sized jumper, pulling my hair into a bun. 

Aspirin, that's what I needed. 

You'd think they'd have a rune to get rid of a hangover, but here I was without one.

I didn't want to step outside the safety of my room, because outside these four walls lay the secrets of what happened last night. I wasn't ready to know if I had kissed Alec Lightwood.

But, the door needed opening. 

I walked outside, and it was quite, was anyone awake yet?

It was 11:30. 

Maybe everyone had the same thought as me, not knowing what they did last night was too scary an idea to think of.

I heard cluttering in the kitchen, and prayed that it was Izzy. I didn't want to face either boy after last night. Instead, I was greeted with Raphael, making breakfast. "Morning, Clary." he spoke without looking at me.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" I asked him, and he turned around slowly. "You've got black out blinds, I'm fine." he smiled over at me. 

"Did you stay with Izzy?" I asked him, grabbing some of the coffee he was brewing, "Do you even need to ask?" he smirked over at me, and I laughed and shook my head.

"Who did you stay with last night?" he asked me, and I distinctively remember waking up in an empty bed. "Myself." I frowned at him, he continued to toss eggs in the pan. "Well, I remember busting a steamy situation with, Alec." he smirked at me. 

"What?" I turned to him quickly, moving towards him. 

"You. Alec. He's between your legs, you're sat on the wall. Do you remember?" he asked me, "It wasn't steamy." I defended, "We are friends now." I continue to talk, letting my cheeks get redder. 

"Friends, kiss?" he cocked his head at me, "I must have been doing it wrong all these years." he rolled his eyes, and mocked me. 

"We didn't kiss." I tell myself, and Raphael turned to face me with a heavy sigh. "Who knew it would be Clarissa Fray who made Alec Lightwood question his sexuality?" he said with the straightest face. 

"I didn't kiss him." I tell him, more so to convince myself it didn't happen.

"No, you're right, you didn't." he turned from me, and now I wondered if he was lying. "You didn't quite get there, me and Izzy stumbled outside, caught you two." he explained, "We were just joking." I tell him, "Whatever." he shrugged. 

I heard staring behind me, and I turned to see and hung over Izzy pulling herself into the kitchen. "I need coffee." she groaned and sat down at the table, Raphael handed her one with some aspirin. 

"Where are Alec and Jace?" she asked as Raphael handed her some eggs. She'd always said he was a good cook, for a vampire. 

"They went out this morning, about eight. They said they were going training." Raphael explains, "How can they function? They had more to drink than me." Izzy sighed, and I smiled down at her. 

The pressure was off. Knowing the two boys weren't here made it easier to breath. Then I remembered they'd have to come back eventually. 

Alec's Pov

She was about kiss me. I was stood between her legs and we were going to kiss. I didn't know if it was because of the alcohol we had consumed, or if it was something else. 

Our chests are against each other, and her warm breath is tickling me lips' and she is looking up at me with innocent eyes, begging me to kiss her. 

It was the simplest thing in the world for her to stretch just a little bit more and kiss me. If she kisses me, the world will crack open, and it will never be fixed. But for just a second, wouldn't it be okay if it was broken?

If she kissed me, I wouldn't be responsible, she would be.

The entire thing would be here fault. 

I was just in the right place at the right time. 

"Are you happy?" I asked her, touching her face softly, and she sighed deeply and smiled up at me, "I am, here." she said. 

I think about how much I am feeling in this moment, and I can't help but  want her to know that I'm having feelings. I'm having dreams. Ideas of what could be. Maybe it is the alcohol, and in the morning I will consider myself foolish, or maybe this is what was supposed to happen. 

Maybe I was supposed to end up alone with Clary Fray on the balcony?

"Do you ever think-" I pauses, and I feel my heart beat getting faster, because what was I expecting her to say. "Forget it , you're not- you're in love with Jace." I stop myself.

But, she doesn't question me. Clary still looks at me with the same hopeful eyes. We leant in, closer and closer until simple miller metres were between our  lips. This was one of those ideas.

"There you are!" was called to us, and that put that distance between us back. Clary looked flushed, those red cheeks were back. I made every effort to slow my breathing down. 

"Don't sneak up on us." Clary began to laugh, and changed so quickly. Seconds before Clary was about to kiss me, here she was laughing at the surprise Izzy and Raphael had caused. I didn't find it as funny.

"Come on, lets go and get some more drinks." Raphael spoke, looking at me, but talking to Clary. Which told me that Izzy had wanted a word with me before she was too drunk to talk. Raphael put his arm around Clary, and took her away from me. 

"Alec." Izzy held her hands out for me to hold, only so she could balance herself. "Izzy." I say back to her, and she reaches up to my face and sighs in pity. 

"Of all the people you could have chosen to move on with, you've chose the one taken girl in the institute." she smirked up at me, "I have no idea what you're talking about." she sighed, and shook me. 

"I thought you were gay?" she asked me, and I grunted in annoyance, "I don't know what I am." I moved away from her and leant over the balcony. "You can love whoever you want, Alec." she smiled at me, and I rolled my eyes and retreated, "No one said anything about loving Clary." I defended myself. 

"No one did. No one but you." she teases me. 

"Alec, you look at her like she is the only thing you can see. I don't know if this is just you trying to fill the Magnus shaped whole in your life, or something els. But, you don't do what you two were just doing with friends." she explained, but she wasn't done.

"I just don't want the two of you to hurt Jace." she frowned at me, "You think that its intentional?" I asked her, and she sighed at me, again. 

"It's not like he's perfect, Izzy." I shake my head at her, "I know. But, he's your-." I cut her off, "My Parabatai, I know." I continued to pace because I didn't want to stop and think. 

"Just think about it, Alec. I love all three of you, but its her choice. You only get one great love, Alec. Maybe you've both had yours." she smiled and kissed my cheek walking back in. 

I looked through the open doors, Clary was still sat with Raphael and he was teaching her poker. Jace still had Flow to entertain. Izzy was looking for another drink. I stayed outside, looking for something.

But, I was left with nothing but thoughts of kissing Clary Fray.

-------

Hello All!

Thank you so much for reading this far. I'd really appreciate votes, but more so COMMENTS. I love to write what you want, so don't be afraid to spam. 

Ly - G x x x

 
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