Daily Life.


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1. Is it bad..

Is it bad that all that I want to do right now is leave. I don't wanna be here, I never wanted to be here. But that choice wasn't mine sadly... But this one is... I fell that if I was the perfect person that maybe then I'd want to be here.. So before anything I'm going to try a few things to try and become the perfect person, I know that nothing will work, but I want to be able to say that I tried.. I haven't felt this way in a while but for some reason everything is just coming back to me... All the self hate, all the pain, all of the bad memories, the rude comments, for some reason it's like all the things that I thought that I finally got rid of are just flooding back into m head.. I want them to just go away, I want them to go away, I WANT TO GO AWAY.... But i can't... I just can't... I just wish that I was dead..  I wish that I was never born... I wish I was never seen... I wish that all this could just go the fuck away, and never come back... I wish that I could just go away and never come back... But some say that it's not my choice.. But if I was really meant to be here, then I shouldn't feel this way.. But the sad thing is... I do... I do feel this way.. It ma seem like it just came back to me, but if I really think about it, it's been here the whole time, I've just pretended like it wasn't there... I wish I could go back to that moment in time.. It was so peaceful... Not hating myself... But what's to love honestly.. I'm fat, ugly, stupid, ignorant, non-lovable, I'm just all around horrible, and there's no way to fix it unless I just kill myself and get it over with... Which is just what I'm gonna do hopefully.. Eventually.. I just don't know when.. I just hope soon.. 

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