Ever Since New York

"I've been praying, I never did before.... Understand I'm talking to the walls... And I've been praying ever since New York."


6. Inspirations for Songs

I wasn’t going to wast anytime with my stay here in New York. Vanessa was the one reason I wanted to stay. She just seemed to make everything worth while. Even though meeting her parents was a challenge, Vanessa seemed to think that they had taken a liking to me.

All I wanted was to make a good first impression. I kept thinking that it was difficult to make it believable that I was her boyfriend that she had been dating since college and not some random guy she met at the bar. It wasn’t. Vanessa had made every transition smooth.

She talked as if she had known me for years and that really helped me with the confidence to pull it off. I admired that she could be so easy going. I had stayed in New York with her for as long as I could until I had booked a flight back home. So badly did I want to ask her to come with me, but she had a job and a life in New York.

There was nowhere else in the world I would rather be than right by her side. I could almost imagine how her eyes lit up when she smiled and when she laughed. Suddenly as soon as I had boarded the plane and left for London, I suddenly felt empty again.

When I arrived back home, the guys had called for another music writing session to happen in just a few days, which I reluctantly agreed to. Liam could tell that something was eating at me on the inside. It almost made me want to get on another plane and head back there to her place.

The days had passed, and we were all in the backyard together. The guys and I had a few beers out with a pen and paper sitting on the table. Niall was strumming out a few chords, stringing together a melody. It had been a while since we wrote music like this. Honestly, it reminded me of the days when we first started to perform as a band.

We were just scribbling down random sentences, words about anything that we could make sense of. I stared at the blank page in my lap. Then there was a melody that Niall had randomly put together. “Let’s use that.” I suggested.

Louis then asked, “And do what? Write a song about one of our girls? We’ve been through a lot lately Harry.”

“No, something different. We just need… a different sound.” I thought about Vanessa and how she was such a mystery to me. Her eyes held stories of her past, unspoken truths. However, I felt that she spoke no lies when I asked her a bit about her ex-boyfriend. It got me thinking.

I have no idea how many hours and pages we’ve torn writing songs we felt would be good for our next album until Liam suggested something. He turned to me and said that we should write a song about Vanessa. “Just don’t use her name or mention it in the song.” said Liam.

“She’ll know it’s about her.” I said.

“That’s the point, right?” asked Niall. “Don’t you want her to know how you feel? Though, I don’t want to be cheesy here and say that’s what we should do.”

“Yeah, Niall’s right. But it’s not a bad idea.” spoke Louis. It was a challenge to write a song about a woman I had barely known. I couldn’t always be in New York to see her. I’m sure that she would eventually have to tell her parents the truth and find someone new.

It wasn’t easy for me to think about our situation. Someone had to. If not her, then me. The guys and I started to get our lyrics down, then went about hashing out a few harmonies to fit along with the melody.  Soon, we had one song down and more to go.

During our song writing session, my cellphone had gone off. Her name appeared on the screen. I picked up and excused myself from the room to talk with her. "Hey Vanessa, what's up?" I asked her. She told me that she was just missing me. I told her that I was missing her too. 

She described briefly about her days at work before she asked me about what I have been up to. I told her that the guys and I were just writing songs. "You guys will come up with something. You're all pretty talented in my book." I could sense her smiling on the other end.

Knowing this had only made me smile. "Anyway, I should let you guys get back to writing. I keep forgetting how late it is over there." said she. I told her that she can feel free to call me anytime of the day before bidding our goodbyes. I hung up the phone and joined my friends.

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