Dear Sarah

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14. Stupid questions make for an insightful time

I just can't resist this song.

"Hey Ya!" by OutKast


Dear Sarah,

I want to make it very clear that the person I wasn't "supposed to like" was not you. I can see how it might seem that way, but believe me I had someone else on my mind. You may know who that is, but it is most likely not who you think it is. I won't say who, as I'd like to keep just this one secret. It is never a good thing for one person to know all your secrets. Furthermore, if you start telling people things, you will begin to miss them. Never tell anybody anything.

Still, I have no idea what to write. I want to write. I've decided to look up some random questions on the internet and answer them to the best of my ability. I'll have to wait for my English teacher to unblock us from the internet first.

While I wait, I'm going to talk about socks. Particularly white, black, and grey socks. I have these three colors, and am able to relate them as a metaphor of myself and others. The white and black socks seem to go with everything I could think to wear. However, they are not my favorite. I love the look of the grey, but they just don't seem to match or fit with anything. Only very few outfits work with the grey socks. I am the grey socks.

Feel free to answer these too. They're pretty freaking interesting and fun.

You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I would tell those who are close to me. I would not tell everyone as I don't all that pity and crap that comes with death. Maybe I wouldn’t even tell those close to me. I would want it to be normal, but I'd also want to go out with a bang. b) I would like to travel, but not I that put my family in any sort of financial strain. Realistically, I would be with family and try new foods. I'd probably also write something to be remembered by. My greatest work yet in the last month of life. c) Hell yeah I'd be afraid. I'm not constantly afraid of death or god-fearing or anything, but I'd fear for how my family, my mom especially, would deal with it. I guess I would have to tell her beforehand, that way we could work through it together.


You can have one of the following two things: trust/love.

Love, for sure. Love is the most powerful thing known to everything breathing, no matter how cleshay that sounds. Love is what drives me and keeps me here. Love is all that I want out of life. I give it, and hope someone shows me love in return.


You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Is that even a real question? What cold-hearted freak wouldn't save the dog? Smh I don't care how much I love that job. No life is worth less than a job. Especially not a life as pure as a dog's.


If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Of course this question comes up. Barcelona, for the culture.


Think of the last person who you really knew that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you?

The only person I have known that was close to me that passed away was my twin. I'm not sure if that one hour would have done anything for them. I really don't know how to answer that question. I would though, if I knew it would do something to better them or others.


Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Sometimes. Isn't that sad? Sometimes I'm a good friend. I'm unreliable and not trustworthy. Maybe I can be fun, but I'm not really friend material atm. I don't know. Depends on the person.


Does love = sex?

No. I mean, people have meaningless sex all the time. Still, it does bring people closer together. But no sex does not equal love.


Your best friend dies, what would you do?

Geez that's a tough one. Whatever I can to honor them. Maybe finish their unfinished projects or have some sort of gathering in the honor. Nothing sad, though. Need some sort of sendoff that they would enjoy.


When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt? when was it? during the day. how was it?

It's depressing that I can't answer this question. I don't tell people how I feel, unless really forced to. Maybe it would feel good, but I don't see it happening that way. People always want to help me, and frankly I don’t' want the help. I always don't want to turn it down because I'm a pushover



What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?

This one's easy for me. I can't wait to tell someone I love them That is the day I look forward to more than any other. I'm a sucker for love and romance. Telling someone that you don't love them back is the worst thing, in my eyes, you can do to a person.


What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?

Myself, and love. Seems to be a common theme now.


Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Just like a simple "love you" to my mom but nothing too special.


If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had “no regrets” what would it be?

Ruining things with you and with myself. I would go back and realize what is really important to me and what would be better for my health. Now I'm just broken and bitter and need some serious change in my life.


Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?

Uhh 911? Sorry but I am not dealing with that, nor would anyone else I know. Then, if I didn't have to stay on the phone with the 911 correspondent, I would call my brother just to have a familiar voice to talk to. I probably wouldn't even tell him about it, but would just talk about something normal to keep my mind off the potential intruder. In reality I would be way more panicked but hey that's alright.


Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?

Yeah definitely. I did this amazing service trip over the summer where me and a bunch of others stayed in Xavier dorms for a week then went to different organizations. We did some work with people experiencing homelessness (served and prepared food, and walked with a man named Lee who sold newspapers on the street). We served drinks at a dinner too and it was just amazing to hear all of the "Thank you" and "Bless you." That was probably the most rewarding week of my life. I'd like to talk about it more some time. Anyway, I don't care if they're homeless or an axe-murderer, they are people and deserve a chance at life.


Are you old fashioned?

Geez that's a broad question. Old fashioned in the family sense? Like woman stays home and cooks and cleans while the big manly man goes off to work? If that's what it means then no. It is a little hard to be "old fashioned" when you're a gay woman who intends to work. Still, broad question that I don't completely understand.


Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?

True love with a guarantee of heart break! I want to experience love! Everyone should have the chance to experience this, and I wouldn't want to live if I never got to.


If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish?

Eternal happiness for my family.


Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people?

No. The killing would be by my own hand, while the others would not.


If you had three wishes from a non-tricky genie, what would you wish for?

Wish for more wishes, right? In all seriousness though, 1) have the genie open my eyes to what's really important (I usually don't realize until I lose them) 2) happiness for my family (my mom wants to go to Costa Rica) 3) repaired relationship with my brother


Where would you go in a time travel machine? Would you stay?

Do I have to choose just one time? I'd like to go to all, but really I'm fascinated by the roaring 20s. I could live like Gatsby and the flappers. The life just seems exciting. This was during prohibition, so I could visit speakeasy's and witness the Chicago mobs. There was also Charles Lindbergh. That would've been exciting. I probably wouldn't stay, as of course the Depression would come in 29' and I would become very very homesick. Maybe I would stay for love, if I found it. Also, it would be tough to become accustomed a different time period. Then again, the revelations of radio and cars would be some wonderful to witness. We're witnessing that type of thing now, and we just don't realize it.


What's the absolute best vacation you can imagine?

Backpacking in Europe, like everyone else. Also a longer stay in Barcelona.


Do people really get any wiser as they get older?

Sure, as long as they aren't some hermit that is holed up in their house all their life. As long as you have to make mature decisions in your life, then you will get wiser.


Invisibility or flight?

Do you have any idea how much I could mess with people if I was invisible?


There's a ship going to Mars, and you can go, but something physically changes in your body when you go, and you have to stay there for the rest of your life. Do you go?

My brother always says that if he had a chance to go to space and knew he would die and never come back, that he would still go. I'm conflicted about that. Sure, you would be able to see a miraculous, beautiful thing (ah taboo) but you wouldn't get to tell anyone. I don't know.


That's all I feel like answering right now, and I'm sure you can't stand to read more, so this is it. If you would like to answer any, just search "deep questions" on Google. Sort through the crap and there are some good ones.


*nobody has the right to know everything about you



may fifteenth

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