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7. Simon Scowl

 

 

Scott noticed that his small house was really starting to stink. Like really stink. He wandered around checking for a source. At first he’d just assumed it was coming from him but on closer sniffspection he found the odour was leaking from underneath his toilet door.

It was so bad that he didn’t even enter the room, just stuffed a towel around the cracks so nothing could get out and called a plumber for a sewerage leak.

Scott ate breakfast himself and throwing cat food into Simon Scowl’s overflowing cat bowl he decided he might as well start the next item on his list;

2-Have someone I care about die. Attend their funeral and swear that I’m going to devote my life to fighting injustices.  ( Bring: Tissues and decent clothes, not Levis.)

“Well that should be easy,” he thought aloud, “I’ll just attend a funeral.”

Leaving his door open so the plumber would know to get started without him Scott pulled on his deputy pump operator jacket and bought a paper from his local dairy. Scanning the obituaries he found this:

William Crump, dearly loved uncle of Leter Larker died after being exposed to chemicals at the FORTCON treatment plant last Saturday. The company offer it’s apologise to the deceased’s family members.

Not quite, he thought scanning the list until he came to another entry;

David Jones, Gas station, pump operator. Bashed to death while cycling home from work. The Porkbelly Police Department is investigating and offers it’s condolences to family members and friends.

Seeing someone who was a pump operator just like him made Scott feel like he had a connection to him, unfortunately the funeral was being held next week and he wanted to be at number four on his checklist by then. He scanned the list once more. Saw that all the funerals were being held tomorrow at the earliest, circled a few that looked promising and returned home with some more Red Bull for Gorgy, a bag of kibble for Simon Scowl and some sausage rolls and chips for lunch and dinner.

When he came back his door was open a little wider then he left it. Someone was inside, fearing it might be a villain coming to destroy his secret hideout Scott crept on his tip toes, holding Simon Scowl’s Kibble like a club to hit the intruder with.

Luckily Scott’s house is only one room apart from the toilet so Ben the plumber had enough time to explain himself and not get kibble-bashed. Scott leaned against his bench as they talked.

“So, as I was saying. I’m just getting my tools out. I haven’t even got a look at the job yet.” Ben the plumber pulled several lengths of telescopic rod from his briefcase and stacked them out.

“How can you stand the smell?” Scott asked already feeling like puking up breakfast.

Ben shrugged, “I just turn my sense of smell off while I’m at it.”

“Really?” Scott quirked his head, “You can do that?”

“Yeah, sure” said Ben without even a trace of a smile. “But it takes weeks of training, months even.”

“Right.”

As Ben pulled out the towels Scott had placed under the bathroom door Scott indiscreetly wrote;

1-Learn to turn senses off. (Especially pain.)

Ben opened the door and there came a crashing from inside. The tradesman’s feet pounded on wet  tiles, “Are you alright in there?” Scott called, he wished he could turn of his sense of smell.

“Yeah, there’s no sewerage leak after all. It’s just a blockage, look I’m using my rubber crowbar I’ll see if I can get it free.”

A soft squishing sound came from the toilet. Then silence.

“Hey guy,” Ben called, “Did you ever have a cat?”

“Yeah, still do as a matter of fact, his name is-“

“Does it look like this?” Ben came out of the toilet wearing a gas mask, carrying a cat-body that used to belong to Simon Scowl.

“Simon!”

They took him outside and laid him on the grass in front of Scott’s house. The creature absolutely stunk, like nothing had stunk before. The smell made Scott’s eyes water and Ben gave him a pat on the back, “It’s okay guy, I remember when my cat died. I cried too.”

By the time they chatted their way through Plumber Ben’s various cats the odour had gone from the house and even Simon Scowl was beginning to smell less.

They went inside, had sausage rolls for lunch and finally Plumber Ben left saying that he couldn’t charge someone who’d just lost their cat.

Scott pulled out his phone, opened the free economy group chat and wrote;

Scott- Hey crew, it’s Saturday tomorrow. What are you all up to? I’m having a funeral at mine 10am if you’re interested.

 Within minutes he’d received replies from the other three;

Gorgy- Will there be food?

Josie- Is it someone you know? Are you okay?

Gorgy- Seriously man if you expect me to bring something…

Josie- Don’t be sefish Gorgy, someone’s just died!

Al- I’ll be there.

Gorgy- It’s one of the hazards of being a celebrity chef – everyone wants my food

Josie- I’m coming too

Gorgy- There better be food

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