First love//PHAN\\

Dan and Phil fanfic

Not completed, random updates

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Dan has been living with Phil since he started university. Though Phil was five years older, they still got along well. Dan had always been a bit antisocial. However, he never felt like an outcast when he was with Phil, Phil made him feel comfortable. Dan felt like he could tell Phil anything, well anything other than his sexuality. Dan had always kept this a secret, and have never shared it with anybody. Although he had a burning passion inside of him, he would always put it out with the thought of He’ll never go out with you. He’s straight, for heaven's sake! or something along the lines of If he knew you were pansexual, he’d say “You’re not valid” or “You’re a freak” and that he doesn’t want to live with you anymore. These thoughts were always enough to get him to stay closeted.

The Beginning...

Dan and Phil had just finished filming their newest video. Phil said he wanted to watch a movie as he crawled onto the couch and snuggled under a blanket.

"I'm going to start editing the new video for DanAndPhilGames," said Dan.

"Okay." With this reply, Dan started editing the video, which lasted until midnight.

Afterwards, Dan looked across the couch lovingly at his best friend, roommate, and secret crush, Phil. He looked rather adorable cuddled up in a blanket, snoozing comfortably on the couch. Oh, God, why can't he be gay, or even bisexual? he thought. Little did Dan know that Phil was dreaming of a situation very similar to what Dan fantasised about.

Phil's Dream…

"Dan, this the most fun I've ever had on a date!"

"Phil, this is your first date," remarked Dan. Phil giggled joyfully and grinned ear to ear. Dan had finally mustered up the courage to ask Phil out the morning before. This surprised Phil, as he had always assumed that Dan was straight. It was actually funny because Dan assumed the same about Phil. For their date, Dan took Phil out on a romantic picnic at the local park under the biggest oak tree they could find.

That Afternoon...

"Phil! Phil, wake up! Phil, it's one o'clock! We need to finish editing our video so we can upload it!"

Phil sat up and looked around before asking, "How did I get in my bed?" Dan's face flushed with embarrassment.

"Um… I thought you looked uncomfortable on the couch… so I carefully picked you up and carried you to your bed."

"Oh… Um, thanks," Phil said sleepily. I'm so relieved Phil isn't awake enough to think that through, thought Dan.

The Next Morning...

Dan waited in the kitchen with the breakfast he made for the two of them: pancakes made ever so carefully, one with lemons and powdered sugar for Phil and plain blueberry for himself. When Phil strutted in, he was still in a loose white t-shirt and blue flannel pajama pants. He sat down and began eating with Dan.

Dan's insides were burning with a passion to tell Phil how he felt, but no matter how hot that passion became, Dan could never reveal his secret. He was surprised that Phil hadn’t figured it out yet with all the fangirls posting pictures and pointing out the way Dan would lovingly gaze at Phil in all of of their videos. These thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Phil thanking Dan for the breakfast before getting up to change into an all black ensemble.

Knowing Phil would have to leave soon to pick up Tyler Oakley, who was coming for a collab, Dan began to fantasize about himself running his hand through Phil's hair as his head lay rested on his shoulder while they watch anime and how he wishes they could hold hands as they walked down the street.

While Phil changed, he thought of how he wanted nothing more than to run his fingers across Dan’s jawline, while looking lovingly into his eyes just before stealing a kiss with no warning. His eyes glanced up at the clock across the room. He realized that to able to pick Tyler up at the airport he would have to leave in five minutes. Phil rushed to get ready and left just as the five minutes were up. As Phil left he decided to pick up a frappuccino at Starbucks for Tyler as the plane ride was probably tiring.

He got to the airport and held the cold frappuccino in his hand waiting for Tyler. After going through security, Phil got lost and started wandering around, until Tyler jumped out and startled him. Before getting in the car, he texted Dan “hey can you set up the camera? thx”. When Dan received it he instantly started setting up the camera and lights in Phil’s bedroom. He fantasized about Phil and him laying in the bed, not talking, just grateful they were finally together, happy at last. When he was done he got on Crunchyroll and started to watch Iwatobi Swim Club.

After about fifteen minutes, he was interrupted by Tyler and Phil walking in. “Did you set up the cameras?” Phil asked. Dan glanced up from his MacBook and nodded, put on his headphones, and then continued to watch his favorite anime. After about three minutes, Dan could hear Phil laughing uncontrollably, “Why couldn’t it be me with Phil?” he thought as a jealous rage built up inside him. “Why does he like Tyler so much? I mean, wow, Tyler! He was my friend first!” While thinking this Dan did not realize that he was moving his hands furiously and making faces, until Tyler walked into the room.“Hey, Dan are you okay?” asked Tyler very sincerely. An aggravated “ugh” was all Tyler got for a reply as Dan left the room with his laptop. When Dan went grouchily into his room he felt like he was either going to explode with anger or have a mental breakdown. Dan decided that with Tyler over, the second one would be the best choice, so Dan grabbed clean clothes and a towel before entering the bathroom. There he started the shower before getting in, fully clothed, slowly sliding down the wall to the floor, where he began sobbing the lyrics to their single The Internet is Here.

After noticing Dan was no longer in his room, Phil and Tyler were walking around the apartment looking for Dan when Phil heard the familiar sound of Dan sob-singing, as this happened every time he had an existential crisis. So quietly and carefully he leaned against the door and softly sang along, “The internet is here. The internet is great. When you've got lots of followers who need a real mate.” By the time the song was over, Dan had gotten out of the shower, changed and was no longer crying.

The Big Reveal…

Phil opened the bathroom door and hurried in to comfort Dan. “Dan! What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” replied Dan as he tried to hide his face.

“You can’t ignore me this time, Dan,” said Phil as he sat against the door next to Dan and wrapped his arms around him.

Dan swallowed hard and his lip quivered as he said, “I…I…I got jealous of how you and Tyler look at each other, and of how you are so comfortable with him, and how you laugh together.”

“Why would you be jealous? You know that it’s only for YouTube.”

“Phil, you have no idea how hard is this for me, seeing the way other guys look at you.”

“Why would that even bother you?”

“Phil... I love you,”

“I love you too, Dan.”

“No, Phil, not like that. I love you, in a way that makes me get butterflies inside, and makes me want to hold your hand, and make me want to run my fingers through your hair as we watch TV, and give you kisses, and just lay in bed next to each other holding hands, except we can't ever be together because you're straight.”

“Dan,” said Phil calmly, “I don't understand why you would think that. I’m not straight and I love you in a way that makes me want to run my fingers across your jawline, looking lovingly into your eyes just before stealing a kiss.” Dan’s face reddened as he heard this.

“Phil, I wish I would have known this before,” he said as they looked deeply into each other’s eyes and leaned into a kiss. But before their lips could meet, Tyler knocked on the bathroom door. “Hey, is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” replied Dan as he looked at Phil and got up before helping Phil up. Dan grabbed Phil’s hand and they opened the door together with a big grin. Tyler looked at Dan, Phil, and their hands, which united them in a strange yet comforting way.

“So, wait... Are you guys an official thing now?” asked Tyler curiously. The couple then nodded. “YASSSS!! SLAY!! QUEENS!! I KNEW PHAN WAS REAL!! ” fangirled Tyler. “I need to tell everyone!”

“Um… Actually, we want to keep it a secret for now and see how it works out,” said Dan as he looked at Phil and blushed looking downwards. Tyler nodded, understanding the hardships of coming out. “But when we do tell the internet, you can brag that you knew it since the beginning of our relationship.”

“Okay,” replied Tyler. “Where is the nearest Chipotle?” Phil explained how to get there, and Tyler left. Since Tyler was gone Dan and Phil started editing the video they made yesterday.

Later That Night...

“Hey! I’m home!” shouted Tyler as he bursted through the apartment door.

“Why did it take so long for you to eat?” asked Phil suspiciously.

“Well… When I was at Chipotle, I met this cute guy… So we went back to his place,” replied red faced Tyler. Dan and Phil nodded in unison. “Do you want me to go somewhere else so you two can have some privacy?” he asked.

“No, I think we’ll both be staying in Dan’s room tonight,” said Phil as he looked at Dan, “I’ll go change my bedding so you can stay in my room.”

“Sure. If it’s not too much trouble, then go ahead.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” said Dan before looking at Phil and saying, “Race you!”

“Not so fast!” exclaimed Phil as he ran after Dan. Phil tackled him and they laid in the middle of the hallway, giggling, as Tyler walked by.

“Are we going to make the bed, or just lay on the floor giggling?” asked Tyler jokingly.

“Ugh,” groaned Dan as he got up, “I guess.” Then he bolted to his room. When Phil entered the room, they started to unmake the bed.

“Go get the clean sheets out of the closet, Dan,” commanded Phil. When Dan came back he had the sheets in his arms. “Thanks, sweetie” said Phil. When Dan heard the name he blushed.

After they finished making the bed, Tyler looked at the clock and realized that is was only 10 o’clock. However, his brain was still on California time and he was exhausted. Tyler told Dan and Phil that he was still exhausted from the plane ride and was going to take a nap. Dan and Phil nodded, understanding what is was like being in a time zone completely different from your own, and left him to rest.

Why Did I Do That?!...

Dan and Phil decided to relax on the couch and watch Attack on Titan. Slowly, as they watched, Phil climbed onto Dan’s lap so his head was on Dan’s shoulder. Dan reached up and ran his fingers through Phil’s hair. Once Dan had stopped caressing Phil’s head, Phil paused the anime and leaned over and gave Dan a kiss. When he pulled away, Dan’s whole face turned red. He tried to hide his face in his hands. Dan could hear his heart racing. Phil tried to look Dan in eye, but Dan wouldn’t look up. “Hey, Dan? Are you okay?” asked Phil.

“Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting that,” replied Dan, finally looking upwards. His face slowly faded from red to pink and eventually to its natural pale color. Phil gazed at Dan who looked adorable in his baggy yeezy sweater, black skinny jeans, and his curly brown hair. Phil wouldn’t have kissed Dan if he knew it would make him uncomfortable. Phil stood up and looked at Dan who frowned and said in his most kawaii voice, “Senpai! Don’t leave me all alone!”

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” said Phil as he walked away.

What just happened? Could it be? Is Phil in love with me?! thought Dan.

As soon as Phil got into the bathroom he locked the door. He leaned against it, slowly sliding down to the floor where he sat and thought, What did I just do? Why did I do that?! He doesn’t even like you back!! With all of these thoughts racing in his head, he became overwhelmed with emotions and started to silently cry.

After about five minutes, Dan got worried and got up to go check on Phil, worried that his self-destructive behavior may have relapsed. He knocked on the door. “Yes?” replied a shaky voice behind the door.

“Phil, are you okay?”

“Yes, Dan, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fine,” repeated Phil, frustrated.

“Sorry. I was just worried about you.”

“You were worried? About me?”

“Well, duh! I love you, Phil.” Phil then stood up and opened the door before being embraced in a bear hug. Dan held Phil’s hand as they walked to Dan’s room where Phil sat on the bed as Dan made them both tea. When he came back, Phil was under the covers, sleeping. Dan crawled into bed with him and fell asleep.

The Next Day…

Dan woke up unusually early and decided to make breakfast again. When he walked out of his room, Tyler was sitting up in bed checking his social media. Dan asked Tyler what he would want for breakfast and they settled on muffins. After about ten minutes, the smell of freshly baked muffins awoke Phil. He crawled out of bed and walked out to see Tyler sitting at the island in the kitchen. While Tyler was eating a chocolate chip muffin, Dan opened the oven to put a batch of blueberry muffins in. “Good morning!” Dan said cheerily.

“Guh mrnin,” said Tyler through a mouthful of muffin.

“Good morning,” said Phil as he pandiculated. Phil looked at Dan who was wearing a loose-fitting grey t-shirt and black pajama pants. Phil was still wearing his clothes from yesterday - a pair of black skinny jeans and a light blue shirt. He had thought about changing, but his hunger won. He grabbed a chocolate chip muffin and took a bite. He could feel the warmth of the melted chocolate spread over his tongue as he chewed.

“Are they any good?” asked Dan, grinning, as he already knew the answer. Tyler and Phil nodded their heads in response.

“What do you want to do today?” asked Phil.

“We should play Never Have I Ever,” suggested Tyler.

“On or off camera?” asked Dan. “Because I need to upload a video onto my main channel.”

“Okay, we can film it. That is, if it’s okay with you,” said Phil looking at Tyler.

“Sure. But then can we play the Whisper Challenge on my channel?”

“Yeah,” said Dan and Phil in unison.

Never Have I Ever…

Dan set up the camera and lights and they began filming. “Okay, Tyler. You start.”

“Ok. Never have I ever went on tour.”

“Noo!” whined Dan. “That's not fair.”

“That’s how the game is played,” said Phil sympathetically, as he ate a jelly bean. “Dan,” said Phil sternly as Dan refused to eat a jelly bean.

“Ugh. Fiiiine,” groaned Dan as he ate a jelly bean.

“It’s my turn now,” said Phil. “Never have I ever ate food off the floor.” Tyler looked at Phil in astonishment.

“Never?!” exclaimed Tyler.

“Never,” said Phil.

“Wow,” said Tyler as he and Dan each ate a jelly bean.

“Never have I ever hooked up with a guy I just met,” said Dan.

“That was targeted!” exclaimed Tyler as he ate a second jelly bean. “Never have I ever shared a bed with a guy I haven’t slept with.” Dan and Phil each ate another jelly bean.

“Never have I ever gotten drunk,” said Phil, Dan and Tyler were both down to two jelly beans each.

“Never have I ever had contacts.” Now Phil was down to two jelly beans, and Tyler one.

“Never have I ever worn all black for more than a day in a row,” sassed Tyler. Dan was now down to one jelly bean.

“Never have I ever bleached my hair.”

“No fair!”

“You’re just whining because you lost,” fired Dan. “Never have I ever played Shelter.” Phil frowned, and ate a jelly bean.

“Never have I ever fallen out of a chair while playing FNAF.” Dan ate his last jelly bean, as he sent a hateful glare at Phil. Dan then finished his outro, and had Tyler and Phil leave before he filmed himself doing the sexy end screen dance. Phil and Tyler came back in and Phil asked “Are we going to film the whisper challenge?”

“No, I really don’t feel like it”

“That’s fine, what do you want to do?”

“Well I was going to go to ‘Chipotle’ again,” said Tyler as a big grin spread on his face. Dan nodded understand the innuendo.

“Okay,” replied Phil.

“Well, I’m gonna get get going,” said Tyler as he walked out.

“Bye,” said Phil as he looked to Dan and winked. Dan blushed looking down at the comforter as he fidgeted with it.

“So, what do you want to do?” asked Dan.

“I dunno we could do what you want,” replied Phil.

“Okay, can we… maybe… um go to starbucks?” Dan

“Sure, I’ll use the app so it will be ready when we get there,”

“Okay!” exclaimed Dan blushing, “Just let me get ready.”

“Okay,” said Phil as he left the room and shut the door. What to wear. thought Dan, as he picked out a large pastel pink sweater and black skinny jeans. He walked out to see that Phil had changed into a tight fitting blue shirt, and grey jeans.

“You look cute,” commented Phil, as Dan’s face turned red.

“Thanks,” he replied nervously, “so do you.” Dan opened the door and held it open for Phil who rushed through grabbing Dan's hand pulling him close, closing the door. Dan looked at Phil in shock as the event just ran through his head, Phil grabbed his hand and they began walking to Starbucks.

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