2AM Thoughts

thoughts of an insomniac

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21. We are nothing.

Last night was a nightmare.
My cheeks still burn from the stinging tears,
my head's still raw from all the pulling I did.

Last night, I got fed up,
of being restless.
So I stood up,
only to collapse in seconds,
from a headache,
that pounded in time with my heart.

Last night was a blur,
and yet I remember everything
to the tiniest of details.
How my thoughts just flickered wearily,
my mind begging me to stop,
to just leave it all alone.

Last night I bit my nails until they were raw,
then dug what was left into my skin,
and let my body quickly be marked,
not caring about the pain it gave me over 
and over again.

Last night I danced with the shadows,
and threw my head back so tired.
My hair a mess, fell down my back,
my legs and feet so cold and bare,
I climbed  upon my dining table,
to sway to the songs in my head.
Clumsily dancing, stumbling, falling,
once again. 

Last night I cried the tears worth a week, 
then laughed like I never have.
I read through some scraps of thoughts
I'd scribbled in the past,
then tore them up frantically,
my fingers shaking with my head.

Last night, my imagination got the worst of me,
and told me what I'm worth,
I tried to cling to all the good feelings I've worked for,
But my own silence won in the end.

We are nothing,
in this lonely world.
We are so insignificant,
so worthless,
so indifferent.
When push comes to shove,
we don't matter. 

And, all I have left,
is the worst hangover from last night's pain.

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