2AM Thoughts

thoughts of an insomniac

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14. Here's to you.

Your eyes always glisten with the wetness of tears.

They’re gold-specked dust and bright violets.

 

Your pupils make me feel something breathtaking,

Through igniting embers and velvet embraces.

 

Your soul entraps my own,

squeezing the life out of me,

but I’ve never felt more alive.

 

I'm sorry,

that I wanted you to love me

the way I love you.

 

I’m sorry,

I asked for too much,

when there was already

a shit load of stuff happening.

 

But,

you see,

You lured me in,

until I fell so hard,

hopelessly in love with every single part of you.

 

Curls to brush aside and eyes that need to be wiped.

Cheeks to caress, and hands that seek mine to squeeze.

Words to reply to, and those lips that I need to kiss.

 

But,

I guess I'm sorry,

for not knowing my place by heart.

For the meddling and the prying.

I'm just a naive, angsty, dramatic teenager,

remember?

 

It's just,

you led me on, until you had a place in my heart,

But where did I fit in yours?

We were supposed to drown out each other's loneliness.

Because before me,

I know,

you were gasping for too many breaths,

and I was shaking with too many clumsy feelings.

 

Together we found the perfect balance,

to love ourselves just enough

and hate everyone around us too much.

 

Then again,

you brought out this bitter taste on the tip of my tongue,

making me grimace each time I tried to swallow.

It was like this toxic medicine, that somehow left me feeling weaker,

but asking for more.

Manipulation, I wonder?

One big game to you? It must've been.

 

We weren't supposed to do love remember?

It was just a bit of fun,

this craving of being misunderstood.

Your motto

that nothing is free.

 

But I couldn't. I lost the game.

 

And I thought…

I'd hoped

you would sacrifice your pride and do the same.

But it's not about pride, is it?

You're incapable of feeling any hope.

 

Everything is one fucking game to you.

Making me lose track of who I really am.

 

And yet,

You told me I’m your home.

That's enough to show your twisted idea of love, right?

So why do I still feel so alone?

 

No worries,

I was stupid.

We both know that.

 

But you,

You didn't know how much of a jackass you were.

 

Well,

now I'm telling you.

 

To all the crazy times we had of doing absolute shit.

Cheers, I guess.

 

Oh and one more thing.

 

Fuck you.

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