2AM Thoughts

thoughts of an insomniac

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33. Concept.

Concept: You stay up all night just to tire me out. Talking about the crazy day we both had, laughing at how ridiculous some people can be, and then dancing down through the kitchen to the garden, where we spin for hours, under the starless sky, until...until I'm ready to close my eyes and let sleep take me. 

You help me fall asleep.

Concept: I stop caring too much of what other people think of me. My palms stop sweating, my heart stops thumping. I'm able to take a deep breath in, and let it out, without my knees feeling shaky and my head feeling dizzy. The paranoia dilutes as my common sense begins to break through. 

I'm free of the burden of worrying.

Concept: The days I think of you grow less and less. The days I smile grow more and more. Where people comment on how alive my eyes are starting to look. Shine. Where I find the way to kill the parts of me that are just poisoned with you. To kill my sadness. Where I can finally grasp at why I'm easy to forget, and not care. 

I guess, where I can let go.

Concept: I eat three meals every day, each full plates, till I feel my stomach fill up. Where I hold it back and swallow down the tempation to just puke it all up. Where I force each mouthful, because starving myself was never the answer. I'm glowing. 

I'm healthy.

Concept: I understand what goes on in my mind. The corners of my skull are no longer a mystery. I fill up the emptiness inside. I stop my wandering and start my marching. Where my heart no longer pounds in my head. Where I embrace my thoughts and not let them scare me away. The solitude I find no longer makes me feel lonely.

I accept myself.

Concept: I reach a day where I'm happy enough to forget why I was sad in the first place.

Concept: I find someone who wants to never let me go.

Concept: I understand that I love myself before anyone else. 

Concept: I make someone dizzy with love, their mind occupied by when they'll see me again.

Concept: I realise there's no need for this fear to not be able to live without you. 

Concept: My energy is healing, I'm fixing.

Concept: I forgive you.

Concept: I let go.

Concept: I love you.

Concept: I love myself.

Concept: I'm sorry.

Concept: No more apologies.

Concept: I am your vision.

Concept: You're my burden.

Concept: I'm a hero.

Concept: You call me darling.

Concept: My heart squeezes.

Concept: No more concepts.

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