1. 1

i wrote this in like 2015, sorry its bad












For each of the things they call me i make a new cut, it feels good but i also want to scream in pain







Walk out of my empty house to get on the bus. I put my headphones in and listen to American Idiot by green day. As i climb on the bus, the bus driver gives me a dirty look- she spits out her gum and replaces it with a cigarette- disgusting. As i head to the back of the bus, I’m tripped buy the sluts

"Watch where you're going fat ass, gain any more and the bus won't be able to move!" That’s was Kathryn- the school's slut, her band of other sluts laugh along with her.

"Hey rookie here it's fatty!" says Zayn smiling

"Lexi, how long ago did you look at yourself in the mirror?"

I roll my eyes at Niall's rude comment "This mooring"

He snickers "Did it shatter?" I keep on moving and i sit at the back of the bus

Louis turns around in his seat "Why are you so goddamn ugly?"

When the bus stops i run to the front "Open the door." the driver responds

"Look! The pig is running away, what a baby!" Screams Harry from the other bus

I run home and change into my riding gear- who cares if I’m ditching school

Pull out my horse Moon Shadow, a Clydesdales Shire Black Forest, i tack her and i jump on the saddle, which is western style. I trot her out into the woods and i find a nice path that has a few rocks but I’m sure M. can handle it. I have her go onto a canter. My hair moves swiftly in the wind- because I’m not wearing a helmet- oops. I bring her to a walk when i hear voices I look over to my right and there's Zayn, Luke, Niall, Michael and Harry. I start turning around when Michael sees me.

"Why does the slut look taller from here?" He asks

"She's on a rock you dumbass" replies Zayn

I ask Moon Shadow to go into a gallop so we can get away, she instantly responds

"Were gonna get you fatty, you can't run fast!" Harry screams while chasing after me- or us if you include Moon shadow.

I do an emergency dismount when i get to the barn. "Where the hell did she go?" Harry says- damn there right outside the barn.

"Try opening the door." Niall says softly

Harry slides the door open and i hide behind hay barrels "Woah these horses are, whoa."

"There’s no way these are here’s, cause she's poor." Michael says still in shock because of the sight in front of him.

"True, but how does she know they're here?" Luke asks confused

"I don't know and I don't really care. Can we just go back to mine and eat now, we can get the slut another time." Niall spits out angrily because he's food deprived.

I start falling over, fuck, and the hay barrel moves a bit.

Then it fully falls over...I quickly put my hands over my face and manage to get out one single word...


Then it starts again I hear things such as...

"Pig, slut, bitch, whore, cunt, fates, ect. ECT."

I didn't even know they started hurting me i guess when it's happen so much your body learns to just go numb. They keep kicking and hitting and the only thing i can feel is the cold tears falling down my face.

"Ok, i think piggy here has had enough for now but, don't think we won’t come back, we will." Zayn says then spits straight into my left eye.

I hear the barn doors close so i know they're gone. I crawl over to my fawn, snowflake, and just cry even more than i already am. I look down and discover i just covered my pure white snowflake in my deep red blood.

"Fuck" i murmur under my breath "uh, let's get you clean up."

I put out the hose and fill a bucket with warm water. I gently rinse off rubbing my hand on her back and use a lavender soap to get any stains off "it's okay" i say softly. She’s nudges my arm, basically asking if I’m okay "I’m okay snow, don’t worry" a tear runs down my cheek and she presses her little nose to my cheek. It's soft and warm and i can can feel her soft steady breathing. "You’re just like your mum" i whisper and i look over at Oreo "you're the best" Moon shadow makes a noise "is someone jealous?"


A shiver runs down my back, someone's watching me....

I grab a white fluffy towel from the closet and wrap Snowflake in it "we don’t want you getting sick now do we." She lets out a little sneeze and i giggle "Oh you're just too cute” I lean against the wall and she rests her head on my lap, when sleep is taking over me, i see a silhouette of a person. I shrug it off- I’m going in Zayn (Sorry i had to that- she actually thought insane. Carry on)


Niall's POV

I hate doing this stuff to Alayna, she doesn't deserve it, and she doesn't deserve any of it. I always end up feeling so bad after I do it and I know I should just stop but, it's not that easy, well at least it isn't for me. I mean not to be rude or anything but, I'm a pretty popular person and I can't go back to being the lonely loser I once was. By stopping I could lose all my friends and automatically become just like her. And God forbid if anyone found out I liked her my life would become a living Hell. Plus she would never like me back, I mean who would fall for their bully, no one, right? "Okay Niall you're going crazy just go back home, get some food, then go to bed” I think to myself while I walk out of the barn silently closing the door as I walked into the darkness of the night.

Alayna's POV


I open my eyes "Holy shit it's already dark?" I open the barn door and lock it behind me. It’s really dark and i can’t see anything "hopefully i don’t kill myself walking a goddamn mile to get to my house." i say to myself. I walk slowly, rubbing my arms since its cold out. “should start bringing a coat with me" i huff. I start jogging to warm up, forgetting about the hill, i trip and fall and roll down it. Smashing my hip into a stump of a tree "FUCK!" i scream in pain as i stop rolling down. I lay there looking at the night sky, coldness taking over me. I’m breathing hard and my heart is racing "fuck" i say softer. I hold my arm, it's wet and sticky- blood lots of it. I rip of the sleeve of my shirt, it already ruined and warp my arm, a homemade bandage.

Niall POV


I heard aloud "FUCK" spread the forest. "Oh shit is that Layna?" i question myself. "Okay I think it is, should i go back and help her or just go...um...okay I'm not that much of a bad person, okay  final decision I’m going back."

I start running back towards the barn while trying to pull up the flashlight on my phone. I get it out out and yell "HELLO, ALAYNA... ARE YOU OKAY" all i hear back is a faint "Please don't hurt me anymore than I already am" hearing this makes my eyes start to water. "Alayna where are you?" "Over here" she says and i walk slightly to my left and seeing her just makes me start crying...hard.

"I can't hide this anymore, Alayna I am so sorry i've done this to you for so long I never wanted too, I just kept doing it because i'm a selfish asshole that didn't want to go back to being a loser, everyday i come home and think about how terrible of a person I am because you don't deserve any of this Alayna. I have really liked you for a long time but, i didn't want anyone to know so I just kept doing it. Alayna everything i've ever said to you i haven't meant i think you're actually really beautiful." I managed to get out before another huge sob left my mouth.

"Niall...I...I. I like you too but, I am still kind of in payne (you know what I meant) so can you just help me get back to my house or somewhere where i can just take care of myself? “She asked with tears slipping down her face.

"Of course i can, I'll carry you through the dark, here get on my back" i said while lowering myself down with one single song running through my head...Through the Dark...

 You tell me that you're sad and lost your way. You tell me that your tears are here to stay. But I know you were only hiding. And I just wanna see ya.


You tell me that you're hurt and you're in pain. And I can see your head is held in shame. But I just wanna see you smile again. See you smile again.


But don't burn out. Even if you scream and shout. It'll come back to you. And I'll be here for you.


Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love. And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough. When the night is coming down on you. We will find a way through the dark.


I wish that I could take you to the start. I'd never let you fall and break your heart. And if you wanna cry or fall apart. I'd be there to hold ya.

You tell me that you're hurt, it's all in vain. But I can see your heart can love again. And I remember you were laughing. So let's just laugh again.


But don't burn out even. If you scream and shout. It'll come back to you, Back to you.


Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love. And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough. When the night is coming down on you. We will find a way through the dark


And you don't need, you don't need to run. And you will see it's easy to be loved. I know you wanna be loved.


Oh, I will carry you over fire and water for your love...


Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love. And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough. When the night is coming down on you. We will find a way through the dark.


Oh, I would carry you over fire and water for your love. And I will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough. When the night is coming down. We will find a way through the dark.

Lexi's POV


Niall freakin horan likes me, my bully- or he's lying. Nah, he was on the verge of bawling. Still mind blown! I wrap my hands around his neck, i really hope he's not gonna hurt me. I burry my face in his neck, and i feel myself shaking- probably nerves.

We arive at my house and he puts down at the front door- i fall a little- my hips hurt so much. I look at him and give him a half smile- "uh, thanks, for yeah you know." i push the hair out of my face "alright uh bye niall." I open the door and my Australian shepherds, Bud and Duster, greet me. They shove past me and they go over to Niall, "um, you could've left you know." He just stands there with his hands in pockets, c'mon Duster c'mon Bud let's go inside. They obey instantly "um nice dogs" niall says awkwardly "Um, thanks" and i close my door and lock it. I look through the window and he's looking at the house, he slowly backs up and he gets in his car, he has a lambo-woah


I feel dizziness take over me, fuck- blood loss. My dogs start barking away to get someone's attention. For some odd reason Niall didn't leave or start his car yet. Since i have a dog door in the back, Duster runs out it and heads towards Niall's Lambo. I open the door to call him back when everything goes black.

Niall's POV


I hear a lot of barking, probably rambunctious dogs. Then is see, i think Duster, running toward the car, barking like crazy... He doesn't want me here. Then i see the door open and Alayna just falls to the ground. I run out of my car and i sprint over to her. I check her pulse, okay still alive, her shirt is completely blood soaked- blood loss. I remove the sleeve then i take gauze out of a drawer- it was hanging out, she probably was gonna get it. And i gently wrap her arm. I pick her up Bridal styles and carry her to the closest bed room, which I’m guessing is hers since there's a sign saying ALAYNA

I gently lay her down on her bed and put a blanket over her.  I go into her bathroom, i hope she won't mind to wash the blood off my hands. When i look for a towel, in a drawer the are freaking blades- BLADES! One has blood on it- she cuts herself and i'm one of the reasons to it.  I air dry my hands since i can't find a towel- oh well. I shut the bathroom door and i head to the other door, that lead to the hall way. As I’m closing the door Alayna says softly "Niall?"

"What is it love?" i say reopening the door

"Can you stay with me?" I blush a little "Yeah" i say lying next to her "always."

The always was a lie, but i want her to feel happy. I wrap my arm around her and i feel her cold tears dripping on my arm. "Did i almost die?" she asks with a shaky voice "NO, no you didn't" i say softly and kiss her on the top of her head "no you didn't"

When she falls i sleep i get up and leave, i don’t want the boys to wonder where i am. "id told them i'd be home around 11:00 and is 10:00 now i said 'I’m gonna  go out with my gramma tonight, before you know.." which was a total lie, my grandma passed away when i was 3.

I get in my car, and i start it. I take one last look at her house and i drive away.

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