Ed & I

the story of my first summer love and how it changed my life


11. moving on

It was now October and the friend sleeping with ex drama had ended. Milly had spent so much time convincing me that it wasn't true that it was just a fake rumour she had un -intentionally got herself involved in. As always, I was still not sure about the real truth but with no evidence as to who was telling me the truth I decided just to let it go and move on.

I started talking to Ed more, mostly because we had been at a few of the same events and parties. I had heard that his ex-girlfriend had moved back home to the UK. To me this meant that we could be friends, I found that he wasn't avoiding me or whatever the gossip was about him not wanting me to meet his girlfriend.

Sometime in November, I went over to Eds’ house for a movie night. I truthfully knew what he was expecting to get out of the night, but I had been convincing myself I mostly just wanted to see what had been happening in his life since New York and find out the truth about some of the rumours I had herd.

We got take away and watched movies for most of the night. It was all pretty relaxing and fun. We talked about life and laughed at the crazy rumours id herd. He wasn't completely comfortable talking about his 'ex' girlfriend with me, which I kind of understood. He explained that they had had an intense relationship and a kind of messy break up, but he and she were just friends now.

After a while we went to bed. I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would or as I probably should have. But Ed was Ed and I'd always feel comfortable and happy around him, as long as he was happy and comfortable around me. The talking got more meaning, we ended up getting cuddly and everything felt right again.

Ed and I started catching up more regularly as the summer holidays began. We would have dinner or lunch and watch movies or play games. We talked about everything and made each other laugh. We knew it was never going to be the type of relationship like before, but we had fun and it was better than ignoring each other.

We agreed to not really share the details of our new relationship with our friends. Mostly so that rumours didn't start, like they had before. So our nosey friends didn't persuade or effect the situation, like had often occurred when we had been dating.

Ed and I had been having fun for the past few months. I was back at work and he was back studying. A few of our friends had found out about our new friendship, which kind of had its positives and negatives. I enjoyed having Ed back in my life, he was fun to be around. When we or usually just I had issues with what we are to each other or what was going to happen next we would just talk about it. I finally understood how to listen and try not to over complicate things.

It was hard sometimes, not knowing the right things to say or do considering we weren't in a relationship. Casual was surprisingly difficult when it came to Ed. I continued to spend most of my time with my work and girlfriends, and saw Ed whenever he or I had time. Over time I leant to adapt to the differences. I didn't pre plan to much, so that I didn’t get upset when some plans didn’t work to plan

Sometimes I felt like it was a bad idea to be in a situation that didn't suit me or make me completely happy. I liked Ed being around when he was around.  We took separation breaks a few times when things got a too agitated with our usual drama, but we always ended up back where we started.

Overtime I learnt how to in a way compartmentalizes things. I started to enjoy my life more like I had when I was completely independent in America. I planned things that I would enjoy with my friends. I minimized the overthinking and the guilty feelings that always accompanied not being with Ed. After a while Ed and I saw less and less of each other. We moved on from spending so much time together. Life got busy, and we both were unable to priorities each other.
 These days I enjoy remembering the happy times we had together and the memories we made. I feel like we taught each other a lot and were there for each other during some of the most trying times.

No matter what people say, we made each other happy, Thought all the stupid drama and rumours. I will always have a special place for Ed in my heart. He certainly taught me a lot about boys and life. Whenever big things happen in life, he is still one of the first people I want to tell. But I just remember the importance of looking forward and not back.

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