Lost Memories

Being in a mental hospital could never be easy.

That's what nineteen-year-old Amelia realises when she meets Bradley Hunter. A guy who manages to make her feel like she's worth something, in the midst of battling her own demons and walking the road to recovery. They develop an intense, strong emotional connection that is unlike anything the both of them have ever experienced.

But Amelia feels as if Bradley is oddly familiar, the sense of safety and comfort she feels with him is something she has never witnessed.
Bradley struggles with the memories that come back to haunt him, but will they be the reason for Bradley to lose Amelia forever, or to heal her wounds?


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3. Chapter Three.

Amelia

 

These same four grey walls were beginning to seriously haunt me. I'd stared at them for God knows how long, and I was sure they were starting to drive me insane. 

I held the pencil in my hand, with a blank piece of paper staring back at me. Dr. Johns had told me to make a list of the things I remember from my nightmares and episodes. I only found my hands to shake uncontrollably when I tried to write any names down, so I'd been sitting here for hours, not getting enough courage to paint any letters. 

I cursed myself for being so weak and vulnerable. A knock was heard on my door and I told whoever it was to come in, and I was faced with Dr. Johns. 

''Can I come in?''she asked quietly, after opening the door and standing in the doorway.

I nodded, feeling embarrassed by my empty papers. 

She took a seat opposite me, setting her hands on the desk provided.

''I think you should go talk to some people tonight,''she offered, a small smile forming on her lips. 

I let out a sigh. ''I don't know what to say to them.''

And I didn't, I always found myself short of words when I talked to someone else. I'd built such huge walls and a steel barrier to my past that haunted me, and I wasn't capable of taking that down. It would take too much effort, and way too many tears. 

''You don't have to talk about your problems. Just talk about anything. Amelia, you've been here for 7 months and you haven't yet made a friend. This is only for your benefit, I want you to at least try,''she said genuinely, looking at me through her glasses.

''I guess I could try,''I shrugged, toying with the corner of the paper in my hand.

''Good. I'm glad. We'll speak tomorrow?''she asked, standing up and facing me from above. I nodded, and she left me on my own once again.

I took myself together and decided to go and at least try to socialize with others. I took a deep breath and started making my way down to the room where I heard everyone chatter and even a few laughs found their way into my ears. 

When I stood at the entrance, I was close to saying fuck it and go back to my room, but I forced myself to stay. My eyes instantly shot to Bradley's, who's eyes were looking at me with a certain emotion I couldn't name. But it was intense, and overwhelmed me. 

He was sitting next to a short guy, who seemed interested in the conversation he was having with Bradley. I hesitantly found a place in the far left corner, next to the piano that had been delivered if anyone had the wish to share their musical talent. I fiddled with my fingers in my lap and looked around, not seeing any familiar faces besides the one I'd specifically told to leave me alone.

Bradley stood up and began making his way towards me, resulting in my heart rate increasing and my palms beginning to sweat. He'd caught me crying a week ago and I felt so small in that moment, that I lashed out on him. I shouldn't have, and perhaps if I wasn't so god-damn afraid of human contact, I would try to communicate more with him. 

''Don't usually see you here,''he sat beside me, the chair creaking against the floor. 

''My therapist thought it would be a good idea for me to come,''I said, not daring to look into his eyes just yet. 

''I'm sorry about the whole thing last week, I shouldn't have-''he started, but I cut him short.

''No, it's my fault. I let my anger towards all of the shit in my life out on you, and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry,''I apologised, surprised that I was actually saying all of this out loud. 

And if I couldn't be surprised even more, he let out a chuckle. 

''Don't worry about it. I relate to you more than you know,''his tone of voice suddenly grew quiet, as if something had come to his mind. I stole a look into his eyes, that were full of desperation and I saw right through him and something inside me told me he felt the same pain in his heart as did I.

A lot changed that night. In me, in the both of us. Something made me realise I could trust this guy. So the rest of that night, we spent talking about the most basic things you could ever ask a person.

Starting with what our favourite colours are, then moving on to what our favourite animals are. Oddly enough, the conversation I had that night was like a breath of fresh air and after 7 months, I fell asleep without having a nightmare.

 

-

 

The next day, when I had a session with Dr. Johns, she noticed I was acting differently.

''So..how did last night go?''she asked, fiddling with the gold wedding ring on her finger as she eyed me.

A grin tugged my lips as I said, ''It was good, actually.''

Her eyebrows shot up and a pleasant emotion of surprise lined her features, as she leaned in closer.

''Who did you talk to?''she inquired, her eyes full of hope. 

''This guy called Bradley,''I said, as images of our laughs shared last night fill my mind, taking away the darkness and replacing it with light and happiness.

''That's great, I'm very proud of you Amelia,''she gave my hand a small squeeze and I thanked her with a smile. During my time here, I'd got close with her and she was the only one who almost knew all of what happened in my head.

''Just be careful with him. I'm not allowed to share this with you, but..''she trailed off, placing her glasses down as a stern expression filled her face. 

I waited patiently, hoping she knew that I was trustworthy of this big secret she was hopefully, about to spill.

She waited a second before sighing and looking into my eyes. 

''Bradley, he's come from a very broken family and has serious anger issues,''she explained quietly.

It's funny how from yesterday I could never have imagined that he also, came from a messy past. I knew that he had a temper, but anger issues? I didn't know if I should be scared, but something told me he'd never lay a finger on me like that. 

''I will, don't worry,''I smiled, the curiosity in me only growing about this guy. 

 

Bradley

 

I stared at the black floor, my hands on my knees as my heavy breathing was the only sound I could hear. A trickle of blood dripped below me. 

How had I gotten this low again? I wasn't a good person, I knew that, but any hope of me bettering myself was long gone after destroying my knuckles earlier.

''Bradley?''

Amelia's delicate voice said from outside, and I quickly grabbed a tissue and started dabbing my knuckles, hoping she maybe wouldn't notice.

''Yeah,''I called, my eyes on my hands, not wanting her to see the look in my eyes.

''Oh my God, what happened?''she asked in a panicked voice, rushing to sit next to me.

''Nothing, I just..''I squeezed the tissue in my hand, not finding the right words to say how fucked up I am.

''It's okay, you don't have to tell me,''Amelia said quietly, and took the tissue from me. She began patting my knuckles one by one, slowly making the blood stop oozing out. 

Once she'd stopped, she crossed her short legs under herself and positioned herself on my bed.

''You know, I had a dog called Buddy once. He was a labrador,''she chuckled, looking down at her hands.

''I love dogs,''I replied, my back leaning against the wall next to my bed.

''I loved playing with him, he was always so hyper whatever time of day,''Amelia smiled, her eyes fixated on the door as if a memory was replaying itself in her mind.

''What happened to him?''I asked, but when she lowered her head and I saw her lip quiver, I wish I hadn't.

''My parents gave him away because they thought I was too crazy to handle a puppy,''she spoke, and wiped a tear from her cheek.

My heart ached in my chest, but I also felt an overwhelming feeling of rage towards her parents. I clenched my fists and felt the pain in my heart take over every limb and bone in my body.

I scooted closer to her and brushed the falling tear away from her cheek, and I felt her skin tremble underneath my fingers. 

''I'm so sorry,''I said quietly, my hand finding its way to her neck, and her eyes looked into mine. I saw a sense of relief, of happiness in them and it made me smile internally. 

That was, until she stood up and stormed out of my room like I'd just slapped her. 

''Amelia!''I called after her, but she'd already gone.

I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling once again like I'd always felt. A total and complete fuck up.

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