Puzzles are lies.

Puzzles are lies...


1. I'm sorry...

Puzzles are weird. It’s just a jumble of random shapes and colors that make no sense. Until you put them together and they make a beautiful picture. Why am I not like that?? I’m broken, into a million weird shapes. Maybe because they’re all the same same shade of brown. Have you ever tried to do a puzzle but there was no color, or reference photo? It’s hard. That’s why I’m still broken. I always will be until I can learn to do a blank puzzle without a reference. But that won’t ever happen. Do you want to know why?? I’m going to tell you. Life doesn’t want me to figure it out. All the thoughts, all the worries, all the sadness, emptiness, loneliness, hopelessness. I just want all of it to stop. But it will never stop until I figure out the puzzle. I think, that when you die, you figure everything out. Your puzzle gets solved. And as soon as you realise it, your body stops working, and your heart stops pumping, your lungs stop breathing, your brain stops thinking, and finally some peace and quiet. Your eyes stop seeing, your ears stop hearing, your hands stop feeling. Your feet stop walking, your mouth stops talking, your music stops playing. Your pen stops writing, your pencil stops drawing, and your life is over. Everything, and that bland, boring, ugly mess of a puzzle becomes something beautiful. But only once everything is over for you so you never get to see it. You never get to witness your life be worth something to someone. I’m lucky. My puzzle isn’t solved, but someone thinks my life is worth everything. Worth her own life. I guess. But she lies. Everyone lies. I lie. My teacher lies. My therapist lies. My doctor lies. My sister, my mother, my best friend, everyone. How do I know? I see it happen. My friend lies

about being on task in class. My teacher lies about caring about me. My therapist lies about that too, she’s paid to tell me she cares. My doctor lies, she lies about me getting better. My sister lies about me all the time to her friends. My mother lies, she says she’s happy. My best friend lies. She says I’m beautiful, funny, smart, nice. No! She lies just like everybody else I’ve seen her do it! I’m not crazy! She does! It’s always hard to figure out when somebody is or isn’t lying. Because everyone lies. Even you. You lie. I don’t know who you are, but I know one very important thing about you. You lie. Don’t pretend you don’t. Telling someone they don’t have food in their teeth when they do. When you say someone should sing in chorus when they have a horrible voice. Telling someone they’re going to get better when they aren’t! They’re all lies! Everyone lies.

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