EXCERPTS FROM MY LIFE

Selected journal entries from my crazy life

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February 23, 2013, 3:10 pm Lake Tahoe, CA

Will I ever be happy. I cant remember ever being truly happy. I have come close to happiness but never really had it. When it comes down to it there is only one thing that will make me happy, women. Not just any women. All men can have or acquire some woman, but I don't want some woman. I want her. Only her. I was close to getting her but as always when I get close I failed. I have always failed. Always. I tried for love but love didn't want me. Every time I try to make love happen I only get hurt. Why is this? Is it me? The way I look? The way I act? The way I try? Do I try to hard for love? Do I not try hard enough? Will I ever know the answers to these questions? I'm tired of failure which leads to deep dark despair and depression. Man needs woman for happiness. Its been 21 years now and I have yet to find it. Day after day that gun looks more and more appealing. I can see the barrel in my mouth now. I don't know how much longer I will last.

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