Why Do I Love You?

I don't know why I love you. I've tried to end it so many times, but I just keep coming back to you. *Entry for the Beauty and the Beast Competition*


1. Why Do I Love You?

Why do I love you? I ask myself that everyday. You are not the man I fell in love with all those years ago. You aren't the shy boy with the dorky glasses that sat in the back of the class. You aren't the sweet boy that stuck up for me despite the fact that you knew your own tormenting would get worse because of it. You aren't the man that got down on one knee and proposed to me in the middle of graduation when I went up to get my diploma. I don't know why I love you. I've tried to end it between us so many times, but I just keep coming back to you. I let you beat me, abuse me, yell at me, and I can't leave. What happened to make you the monster you are now?

We don't talk to each other anymore; we fight. You sleep on the couch every night because you don't want to spend any more time with me than you have to. When we go to work, you don't kiss me goodbye, and you get up hours before me so we don't even see each other. I find myself crying in the bathroom every night because we fight, nursing bruises and cuts because you hit me. I hate you with every fiber of my being, so why do I love you?

 It's because I remember. I remember why I fell in love with you. You were always so flawed, with your introverted ways and yet you were arrogant. I fell in love with you anyways because you treated me different from everyone else. You were sweet to me. You trusted me with all of your secrets. You were always able to talk to me about anything. I was your verbal trashcan as you say, a filter for you to rely on and use to ease your burdens.

It's because you still cry. You cry because you hate yourself. You always have. Even when we were in high school, you told me you thought no one would ever love you because you were a freak. I never thought you were a freak, and I told you so, but you didn't believe me. You just started crying again. You cry when you get angry, you cry when I tell you I will leave you, and you cry when you hurt me and beg for me to forgive you.

It's because of all the small moments. The small moments hardly ever happen anymore, but they're still there. After we fight, you don't apologize, but I always find a small gift or a sweet treat waiting for me on my pillow later that day. You still give me the occasional cute smile that makes my heart flutter when you're having a good day, and you kiss my nose when we cook dinner together. You still tell me you love me. You take me into your arms and convince me to stay. You tell me you can't live without me, that you hurt me because you can't help it and you wish things were different, but they aren't and you're sorry. 

Why do I love you? It's because despite all your flaws, despite the fights we have, despite the fact that you despise your very existence, you would do anything for me. You love me more than anything else in this world. You hurt me and you fight with me, but you show me that you love me and treat me so gently after you hurt me that my heart nearly stops. That's why I love you, my dear, and don't worry. I will never leave you. 

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