Inside My Head

What if you could hear what people are thinking? Would you listen to the words or work to ignore it?


2. One

At the end of the day I get into my brand new Audi I was given for my “sweet 16” that I didn’t have a party for but I still got a good car, since I’m an only child of two doctors who couldn’t be more out of touch with life but want to keep up all appearances. I crank the music up and pull out of the parking lot loosening the bow tie and unbuttoning the top three buttons of my high collar shirt. I just want to go to the one place that no one is around, I drive an hour and a half out of the city limits where there is no one around and there is just a field and lots of grass nothing else. It’s the one place I have never had to worrie about what I might here and don’t have to have the headphones on. Its my happy place where I can just be with all my oddities.

            An hour into my relazing nap in the field my phone goes off, The great thing about a phone call I cant hear a persons thoughs as long as they are not close to me. Now I’m still not sure what close is but I find that as long as we are not in the same house I can almost pretend that I am normal. My mothers voice streams out of the ear piece “when are you going to be home? I know this is your time to yourself that we agreed I wouldn’t intrupt as long as your grades stayed at a 4.0 but your father wants us all to sit down for dinner at 6.” I glance at my Fitbit on my wrist that flashes a time of 4:45.  “I’ll be home at 5:15 is that enough time?” “Yes that will work we will see you then, and dress for the club.”

            I force myself to sand up knowing that dealing with the Country club tonight is going to give me a headache that could rival a hang over, or what I assume a hang over would feel like I have never actually had one. I get these killer headaches just from being in a room with more than 10 people I feel like doing that wile drinking something that lowers inhibitions, and just aids and abed in stupid decisions would not end well for me. Also I have no friends so drinking alone would just make this sad story worse and may lead to fortune alcoholism so I just stay away from the alcohol. I start my care and flip off the radio I can usually get a few miles down the road before the house get to close together and the voices get to loud.

I walk into the grand forer at exactly 5:13pm and walk to the staircase that will take me down to the basement where my suit is. Once safely in my room, that has cleverly been mostly sound proofed I pull off my headphones and drop my Prada backpack on the floor. I walk to the walk in closet that would make Cher on Clueless jealous and begin to find the most appropriate Country Club outfit in the place. Once dressed, with the proper amount of make up on, with the proper accessories and my hair pulled into a fishtail over my left shoulder I emerge from my room. I walk up to meet my parents by the door.

“ You look lovely dear” my father states without even bothering to look up from his phone to see what I’m wearing.

“ Thank you, you both look nice as well.” My parents have come to expect this polite formality from me, in fact it was what my mother taught me. Politeness is good it can be used to avoid offending someone but also to hide emotion. Some days I think she will announce that she is going to run for public office to test some mind games on the American public. What is scarier, I think they would work because I am not doing to bad in my life with my mothers polite rules running like a close caption through my brain along with all the thoughts I hear I still appear completely normal.

            We are seated at my fathers usual table and we sit quietly as my father chooses dinner and drinks for us. I settle in for the stream of thoughts that are hitting me all at once.

            “What am I even doing here I have 3 cases I need to be working on but if I don’t say for the whole dinner she might leave and I do not need that publicity”

            “If I eat the salad and the fish then work out when I get home on the elliptical for one hour, do a jog on the treadmill for 3 hours keeping my heart above a 98 I could even eat the green beans on the side.”

            “Dad will give me early access to the trust fund if I do this all I have to do is ask, I know she will say yes all she did at school was husband hunt.”

I settle in and try to refocus on our table knowing what is going on around me helps to block them out some days, thankfully there isn’t as many people in the dinning room with the unseasonably nice weather most people are sitting outside.

            Once our food is ordered my parents have their wine that costs an absured amount and I have a sweet tea my dad starts talking.

“So I wanted to talk about something important tonight, I wanted to tell you both that I have accepted a grant to study Brain maping and finding a way to expaned the consciousness.” 

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