my life is kinda interesting i guess | trans boy diaries

i'm asher and i'm often told that my life is really chill, which it can be mostly, but it can get hectic and weird sometimes. so my logic is to write it down and post it for everyone on the internet can see.

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2. [entry 2] stalking other cute trans boys

hey hi hello,

alright before i start the actual story, i have small lil things to say:

1. i saw a cmv of killing stalking to 'meant to be yours' from the musical heathers. and can i just say- how frEAKING GOOD IT IS. IT MADE ME AND MY FRIEND KAI WANNA DO A CMV OF MEANT TO BE YOURS BUT WITH TSUKIYAMA AND KANEKI FROM TOKYO GHOUL.

2. speaking of tokyo ghoul, i'm only on episode 5, but GODDAMN is it GOOD. and can i just say- tsukiyama is just- ugh- so beautiful and so gay- (just like me). i already have the same length of his hair and i was already planning to dye it purple at the end of the school year, but goddammmit i was already planning on cosplaying touka. TORN BETWEEN TWO BEAUTIFUL ANIME PEOPLE.

3. there's a psychological horror rpg coming out soon by omocat called 'omori'. it looks super interesting and wHY DOES OMORI LOOK EXACTLY LIKE ME?? so similar, i made him the cover of this book. check omori out, it seems hella cool and the soundtrack is 10/10.

3. don't know if you know, but i recently got accepted into this hella hard-to-get-into art high school. the conservatories are: music, visual art, theater, dance, and creative writing. (conservatories are the art that a student is focused on) i applied, scored an audition, passed the 2nd round callback, and got into the creative writing conservatory !! (which is a huge accomplishment, because there were 1,100 applicants, who knows how many at the auditions, and only 15 were picked for the freshman creative writing class) the school is what this story will be based on.

*clears voice*

it was a really good thursday so far. first week of the new trimester and i started off with straight a's in my classes. plus, the chest binder i SECRETLY ordered came in the mail that day, so i could wear it when we were planning to go to the art school's open house that day. my outfit was black ripped jeans, a grey hoodie (with chest binder underneath), and an army green bomber jacket over it. keep in mind that the only reason i bought a grey hoodie and green bomber jacket was to look like isak from skam, because that's the literal outfit he wears (except the black ripped jeans).

so mr. isak valtersen (me) comes waltzing into the art school and my family n i stand in line to confirm that i'm going to the school in fall (which i am!). anyways, this really excited lady at the table who checked us in told us where all the tables were and where the creative writing conservatory table was specifically. so yadayadayada, we go to the creative writing table and i see about five students:

-a sophomore asian girl with shoulder-length, bleach blonde hair (i could see the dark roots) who smiled at me in the hallway and also appeared in a video of the art school once, so i recognized her. (i found out she way gay a day later... ahem, i'll get to that part later)

-a sophomore person with short, light brown and blonde bangs wearing a black and white striped sweater who looked oddly similar to my friend elysia.

-a junior latina with also short, bleached yellow, caramel-ish hair wearing a red and black flannel and blue jeans.

-a junior person (whom i later figured out was a fellow trans boy.. i'll also explain later how i knew) with short dark dark brown hair in a black beanie, wearing a black muscle tee shirt (and i think he was wearing a chest binder - either that, or he just has really small breasts) and blue denim jacket with a heck load of pins with the logos of bands, superheroes, sayings, etc. on them. one of the pins read, "ask what pronouns i use" which is one i noticed most and also made me smile, knowing i wouldn't be the only kid in the queer community. this boy caught my attention the most. (not to mention he was pretty damn attractive, cough cough)

-another junior girl in a soft grey sweater and long, light brown hair and braces also smiled at me, she seemed really nice and also like my friend elysia, haha.

my mom is pretty talkative - she claims to be a real introvert, which she is, but she has since strayed away from her shy days and asked these kids a lotta questions about the school. i paid extra attention when the boy with the denim jacket talked.

being creative writers, their class apparently published a book full of a compilation of a bunch of the student's works. it was very very interesting, and god, judging by the writing, these kids were so talented.

the next day, i told my friend emma about the art school and what happened last night, including my interesting encounter with the trans boy. she said, "oHMYGOD," took my ipad, and continued with, "read off all the names and let's try to find him!"

emma also took hold of the book i was given and, 'lo and behold, it was a letter to a state governor from a trans boy about the gender bathroom controversy. obviously, i won't type the entire poem here, but it was an amazing letter and it seemed like he was speaking from my exact viewpoint.

emma said, "this one is about a trans boy! look up ____!" let's give him a name. hm, how about grey? i like that name. it isn't his real name, keep in mind, because of my fear of him somehow finding this lol.

when i looked up grey's name, what did i see? a bunch of his social media. and it was frickin amazing. i found his tumblr. 17, he/him pronouns, trans. i couldn't find an instagram - i mean, i did, but it was private. so i looked up the other girl's name i saw yesterday (the sophomore with the shoulder-length blonde hair) and i found her gofundme for a school field trip and somehow, i also found her instagram?? after looking through her photos, i recognized a familiar username. it was grey's username for tumblr, but an instagram account.

so when i clicked on the profile, i found his PUBLIC instagram and when i checked it by that time, he had posted a photo 14 MINUTES EARLIER. SHIT.

i found out grey's birth name, pronouns, his friends, favorite anime, poetry.. one of the crazy things is that grey and i have the exact. same. glasses. that's when emma declared that we were meant to be.

CRAP I'M SO CREEPY.

i'm actually going to the art school for a shadow day in two days.. march 15th, 2017. will i see grey there and possibly fuck up and seem like a creep? (even though i obviously am. shit.) we will never know !!1! tune in next time kiddeos.

your friend,

asher

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