Promises

18 year old Maya faces the death of her Nanna, the most important person in her life. New love interest Nathan brings back a spark into Maya's life. She quickly falls in love with him; They both make promises but who will be the one to break theirs? Read on to find out how Maya deals with the challeneges thrown at her.

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4. Regrets

Dealing with my everyday business became a lot harder without Nathan. I hadn’t even realised how safe and secure he made me feel. I used to convince myself that everything happened for a reason; but without Nathan, my life had little purpose. I don’t mean to sound like the damsel in distress here; I am my own person- or at least I was. Oh, you know how it is! You can fall in love with someone and no matter how much they hurt you… you just can’t let go.

I sighed and walked ober to the big mirror in my bedroom. I hadn’t really left my house-or my pyjamas- for the last few days. Not only did I feel disgusting, I looked disgusting too. My eyes wandered towards how messy my hair was; usually sleeked to the sides and perfectly straight, it was now a jungle of knots and most likely crumbs of food. I had no makeup on, and my bare skin looked dull. I had on the oldest pyjamas I could find in my household; A top and bottoms set with Winnie The Pooh that I’d gotten three Christmases ago. Meanwhile I dwelled on my rather scruffy image, my phone began to ring.

I jumped onto my bed (landing with a deafening thud and almost breaking the headboard) and quickly looked to see who was calling, hoping it’d be Nathan. Instead, it was Jade. I hadn’t heard from her since the rum-opening incident. She mentioned something about going on holiday to Amsterdam (Or was it Afghanistan?) but my head was too full to remember.

‘Hello?’ I asked, my voice cracking after finally being used for the first time in days.

‘Hey! You want to meet at the beach in 20?’ The excitement in her voice lead me to suspect this meeting would be enjoyed only by her.

‘Uhm- I’m not rea-’

‘Great! See you soon!’

She hung up. Startled, I stared at the ceiling and asked myself why this totally layed back chick now seemed like she’d just stepped out of a Barbie movie. Nevertheless, I dragged myself off the bed and into the bathroom to shower.

***

Perfect! I actually looked like an emotionally-stable person once again. I pulled my hair into a tight ponytail and thanked God himself for the wonders that a good face wash could do. I had my blue shorts on, paired with white trainers and a bikini top. The weather had gotten so hot in the last few weeks that the thought of wearing full coverage made me sweaty.

I arrived at the beach and felt the warm breeze from the sea glide swiftly around my bare legs. The sun cast a lively glow over my skin. With unsure confidence, I stepped up the pier where I saw a familiar head of messy black hair and tapped Jade on the shoulder.

‘Hey, stranger,’ I said. I gave her a small smile and we continued walking up the pier, arms linked.

‘I like your shorts,’ I said. She looked down at them as if she’d forgotten she had them on.

‘They’re just black?’ She questioned. I giggled a little.

‘So how are you and your little boyfriend doing?’ She continued. We sat down at the edge of a small lifted raft. She was casually looking onto the sea, re-focusing her eyes every so often.

My face dropped a little. My eyes spiralled down towards my feet kicking in the water rather than onto the view. I started fondling around with my fingers, begging to distract myself from answering this question.

‘Oh come on… You two still haven’t spoken?’ She asked. Jade probably noticed.

‘You know, ‘Nathan’ or whatever his name is, he seems like a good guy. Go talk to him. Besides, I need to go now. I’ve got to… uh… do something I think. Go!’ She said. I bit my lip with hesitation and then energetically jumped up to go get my man back.

‘Baby!’ I shouted. I was at Nathan’s doorstep, knocking down his door. Soon enough, a sad-looking Nathan opened up. He stood shirtless, showing off his thin body, and grey Nike shorts. As soon as he realised it was me, his eyes widened, reawakened with that special glow that only came about when we met.

‘Maya… What are you doing here?’ He asked, confused.

‘Nathan, I can’t stand another day without you. I tried to be stubborn and I tried to forget about… us… but I can’t go any more if you aren’t with me. Nathan, I know that you might still be angry at me-’

‘Oh shut up,’ He laughed and pulled me in for a hug. All my worries seemed to wash away when I rested my head in his chest. Feeling his arms wrapped around mine gave me the comfort I hadn’t felt in forever. We pulled apart and he lead me into his house. He sat down on his sofa and pulled me on top. He grabbed my waist and we started kissing. This is what I missed… How his touch felt, how he touched not only my body but had the ability to make my blood flow faster, my heart to race and every part of me awaken.

We were kissing with so much passion; pouring out how much we missed eachother but also the anger still lingering between us.

I pulled away. I looked into his eyes and got lost in them all over again. His lips sealed and I felt it all come rushing back; every second of the emotions, every word and every memory we had made in the last few months. And suddenly, June became my favourite month.

***

October 15th 2017

Dear Diary,

I regret it all. I’ve never felt so guilty before. A month ago, I cheated on Nathan. Jade took me to some party one weekend and one thing lead to another and I broke the only thing I thought I could promise Nathan: Loyalty. I kept it in me for three weeks until my guiltiness got the better of me. I told Nathan. His reaction was the worst.

He said it was okay. He said he forgave me. He said he understood.

The last few days I have had my heart broken because he forgave me. I’m forced to watch all the trust he had in me slowly crumble to pieces. I’m forced to see how I have broken his heart and I can’t do anything about it.

I regret everything right now. I regret it all.

-Maya

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