Lost In The Shadows

I’m Brooklyn Addison. I prefer to be referred to by my middle name which my dad gave me: Malia. Brooklyn screams your typical stuck up, bubbly and full of life teenager but that was the old me...

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15. Lost and There.

Chapter 15

I gazed at Maddison, staring into her piercing blue eyes as she struck her strawberry blonde locks of hair behind her, I realised why he had done it; she was beautiful, perfect. Her horrible personality had driven my thoughts away from her face: her defined eyebrows, the slim figure, her sense of style. What wasn’t there to like? She was like the Cinderella after the Fairy-God mother had placed her spell on her and me? I was the Cinderella after twelve o’clock.

“Malia? Are you alright? You look like you’re in a deep trance.” Before I did something I regretted, I stormed out of the bathroom letting the door slam behind me. Maddison didn’t deserve to get a reaction out of me, I wouldn’t let her see my pain. It wasn’t even her fault, Aiden and I weren’t official and they probably had been spending time together while I was away. This didn’t mean he was getting away with it though. How could he do this to me? Talks to me about trust and then he does this, with someone who tormented me.

This was the second time I was outside his door, last time I knocked on his door with the hugest smile, now I was banging on his door ready to kill someone. I wasn’t even just hurt, I was furious. He opened the door and obviously wasn’t expecting me because he looked confused. “Maddison! Really?” I said pushing my way in. As soon as he realised that I knew, he buried his head in his hands, sighing. “You had the audacity to talk to me about trust? Out of all the people, you pick her?” I shouted, pacing around the room trying not to look him in the eye. “What was it Aiden? Was this some petty attempt at revenge? Because, well done.” I started clapping like a maniac, “You succeeded, I feel horrible.” He still hadn’t said anything, he was right not to. There wasn’t any exact proof that they had done anything together but I could see it in his eyes, the guilt.

Aiden came closer to me, he tried to take a hold of my hands but I snappishly dodged him. Cold tears started rolling down my cheeks and I was screaming, “Say something! Say anything. Tell me it’s not true. I don’t want to believe you've done this.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t Malia.” He murmured as if he didn’t want the words to come out. I turned around facing the window and he gently placed his hand on my shoulder. It felt like the old Aiden was back however I couldn’t let him in again. “You don’t get to touch me.” I stomped towards the door, before closing it behind me I asked him, “Did you really love me?”

I don’t know why I even asked, I didn’t want to hear the answer because I was afraid it would break me, for good. Running out of their before he had a chance to say anything, my mascara was trailing down my face and I couldn’t breathe. My eyes were blurry and I could barely see my phone, but I managed to type out words.

ME: I need you.

MASON: I’m on my way.

About an hour later, I was slowly beginning to fall asleep but then the sound of knocking made me jump up and go for the door. Opening it, I looked up to see Mason with his messy dark waves of hair but today he wasn’t wearing his normal leather jacket, he had on a black hoodie as if he just got out of bed for me. Nervously, he tapped his fingers on his thigh in a rhythmic way. When Mason realised I had opened the door and was watching him, he held up a brown paper bag in his other unoccupied hand and smirked.

I tried to cover up the mattress quickly with an old blanket I fell asleep with, I was too distressed earlier to put sheets on. We still hadn’t said anything to each other, he knew what I needed; I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my problems I just wanted someone to be there. Slowly, the waterworks started to come back and the mascara I had under my eyes started to multiply. I wasn’t the type of person to cry in front of someone normally and he knew that so he tried his best to not acknowledge that fact that I was sobbing hard in front of him. Mason and I were alike in that sense, so he sat down next to me and started to open the bag pulling out candy bars, bags of Cheetos and of course because he was Mason, a miniature bottle of Jack Daniels. He offered me a Hershey’s bar but I shook my head sluggishly; my eating right now would intensify the mess I looked. After he placed the bag on the floor, I leant in closer and rested my arms on his shoulders hugging him like I never wanted him to let go. His arms locked around me as I sank my face into his chest.

We sat on the bare mattress with the old blanket neatly covering both of us, he was there for me unlike Aiden. It was a spur of the moment thing but I reached up and placed my lips against his, when he didn’t kiss me back I knew something was wrong. He hesitated for a second however then pulled away rapidly, like I had the plague.

“W-what’s wrong?” I asked, stuttering my words.

“Malia, I can’t be there for you in this way; I see the way you love Aiden and I get it because that’s the way I love you. Plus, you only want me now because you feel unloved by him and the sad thing is, is that I have loved you more than I have ever loved anyone. You have not only loved me like a friend, you have cared for me like a mother and protected me like a sister and I cannot un love you Malia. Every time Aiden doesn’t want you, I will be your second choice and I can no longer be here for you because you were always my first choice.” Mason’s voice was croaky but not like the sleepy type more like he was holding his tears back. He got up before I even had a chance to deny it but I couldn’t the words couldn’t even come out because everything he said, deep down it was true and I hated it.

Mason walked over to the door, not angry just hurt and calm. That’s what made it worse, why couldn’t he just be livid at me? Throw stuff around, it would make it so much better.

I lay on the icy mattress, I had just lost the two most important boys in my life, the only two people that had loved me harder than I could ever love myself. But how could I expect people to care for me and trust me when I couldn’t even love myself? I needed some time away from here, everything reminded me of them. The Santa Monica pier now reminded me of my love for Aiden, every time I saw a motorbike, I thought of the pain I had caused Mason. Maybe London was a clever idea, what did I have here?

Suddenly, I was not tired, my thoughts overwhelmed me, they ate me up inside so I rummaged through my boxes and picked up my laptop. I flicked the dust away from keyboard and switched it on, starting to write an email.

Dear, the Cosmopolitan Team.

I was delighted to see the apprenticeship offer and it would be my pleasure to accept the proposition. I am ready to fly out whenever you need me, understanding the cost of the tickets.

Yours Sincerely, Brooklyn Addison.

 TO BE CONTINUED…

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