Lost In The Shadows

I’m Brooklyn Addison. I prefer to be referred to by my middle name which my dad gave me: Malia. Brooklyn screams your typical stuck up, bubbly and full of life teenager but that was the old me...

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2. Lost and in panic.

Tip-toeing into the house, I turned on the light to find my dad waiting for me. “Jesus Dad, give me a heart attack, why don’t you?” 

“Malia, it’s ten o’clock on a school night. Cora’s Coffee closes at 6. What were you doing?”

 “I stayed behind, now can I go to sleep? As you said it’s ten o’clock on a school night.” I smiled sarcastically.

In my bed, I turned on my laptop and I got a Facebook Messenger notification.

Aiden Carson would like to send you a message.

I accepted the message and read…      

I’m sorry, but I’m not giving up. The party will be fun and if you don’t like it, I promise we can go anywhere you want.

I was impressed by his determination; normal people would’ve given up and just let me go by now.  I replied…

You really won’t take no for an answer, will you?

Less than two minutes later, I got a reply…

When it comes to you? Nope.

I laughed.

Well, alright then!

Almost straight way…

I’ll pick you up at 8 :)

 

//

It was Saturday, the day of the party. I was looking in my closet for something to wear, nothing. All I had were black graphic t-shirts and flannel tops. Ava and Mia, my thirteen-year-old sisters, came running into my room. “OUT!” I screamed pointing towards the lockless door.                                                                                                                                                                       

“Come on Brooklyn!!” they both screeched, somehow in sync.                                                                                     “I swear to god, both of you! Do not call me Brooklyn, Brook or anything other than Malia. Now, I will ask you nicely… get out of my room!” 

“Malia… why are you looking for clothes?” Ava questioned annoyingly. 

 “Yeah, why are you looking for clothes when all you do on a Saturday night is sit in your room?” Mia, even more annoyingly asked.

 “Jesus children, I’m going to a party.” They both laughed, hysterically. I rolled my eyes. “Can we help you chose what to wear for the party?” they asked, using quotation marks around party. Their company irritated me but I did need help and my thirteen-year-old sisters were my last resort.

We finally picked out an outfit, it was an outfit that I accidently didn’t chuck away from my “Brooklyn” phase. I wore this black skirt that came up to above my knees, a blue bodycon sleeveless top, my leather jacket and my white converse. I had straightened my hair and put the littlest amount of make-up on.

Bleep. 

I walked over to check my phone, (Aiden)

I’m outside when you’re ready x

The kiss at the end gave me chills.

Coming.

As I walked out of the door, I screamed “I’m going out!” I saw Aiden’s car parked up on the other side of the road as he stood outside waiting for me. He stared at me as I came closer and closer. “Woah…”        

   “Hello to you too, Aiden.” “Sorry, I mean… You look amazing. Hey.” He laughed and opened the passenger door for me.                            

When we pulled up to the party, I took a deep breath and said. “Okay, we need to get this straight. I’m not ready to date or be in a relationship with anyone right now. I have a lot of stuff going on right now and I can’t have boys complicating things for me. It hasn’t really worked in the past.” I said worriedly.

“That’s alright, I don’t mind. As long as I can be with you, I’m good.” I nodded and smiled, trying to hide the fact that I was blushing out of my mind, again. I wondered If he maybe he really was different. Every other boy would’ve headed the opposite direction in a blink of an eye, if I told them I didn’t want to date them and I just wanted to be friends.

We walked into the party, people from our school and people that I had never seen before were drinking and dancing. I spotted Maddison, Alexa and everyone else from my old friendship group. They all stood around drinking from red cups and dancing to the pop music. Aiden gave me a reassuring look and lead me to a corner of the room. He pointed to the drinks table and asked, “Do you want a drink?”                                                                                                                                                                     

“Yeah, whatever you’re having. I’m going to need it.”  As I watched Aiden make our drinks, someone blocked my view. Liam, my ex-boyfriend from my “Brooklyn” phase, came over to me. “Hello, miss suicide! Does your boyfriend know you’re kind of mentally disturbed? He must have noticed your craziness by now, no?” as he shouted and shouted, my head span around in circles. I could see everyone in their little corner laughing, I could felt the panic beginning, like a cluster of spark plugs in my abdomen, tension grew in my face and limbs as I replayed my last attack. My breathing became more rapid, but shallow. The words spun around my mind, “Crazy”, “Crazy.” Suddenly. Everything, stopped when Aiden grabbed my hand. When I regained my breathe, I looked around. “Don’t you dare talk to her like that or I swear to god.” Aiden shouted back at Liam.  

“Oh, what you going to do? Set you’re crazy girlfriend on me?” 

“Don’t test me!” Aiden got closer to Liam as I stood behind him. He clenched his fist, the hand that wasn’t occupied by holding mine. 

“Alright, I get it. But watch out with this one, she might turn into a completely different person and dump you out of the blue. She tends to do that.”

When we got outside of the house, Aiden let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me. I felt protected as I rested my head on his chest. After a few seconds, I pulled back. “Thank you, I-“  

“It’s fine, he was being a douche. But is the…” 

 “The suicide thing? I can’t explain it but I can show you.”

We got in his car and I directed him to Santa Monica.

Half an hour later, we pulled up next to my favourite place in the whole world. “An apartment?” He asked.

“You’ll see.” As I lead into the building and up the stairs, his face grew even more confused. We finally got to the roof and I let out a deep breath. The view was always so amazing at night, you could see all of LA and Santa Monica beach. It was so scenic and peaceful and that was what I loved about it. “Woah.”                                                                                                                                                                                “I know right.” We just sat there in awe for ages but I knew he was burning to know “my story”.  

I exhaled and said, “After my mum left, I guess you could say I changed. Liam was right, I did just dump him, I pushed all my other friends away too. But, I didn’t try and commit suicide. I haven’t told anyone this before and I’ve never brought anyone up here until now but a couple weeks after my mum left, I was wondering around Santa Monica after an argument with my dad and the key was in the building door so I came up here and well… It stuck. Someone saw me up here standing on the ledge, they obviously thought I was going to, you know. But I just liked the feeling that I was basically holding my life in my own hands, I was never going to take it but I liked having the control. To know that any second now my problems would go away forever. It got around school, I had got the key taken away from me but luckily I made a copy.” He didn’t say anything, he just held my hand and squeezed gently. I was glad, I didn’t want him to say anything like, “it’s going to be ok.” Him holding my hands was a way of saying, “I’m there for you.” I liked that.

We stayed up there for hours, just watching the sky and talking about life. Aiden took a deep breath and said, “Malia, I like you. A lot.” He got closer and pressed his lips against mine. For a minute, I kissed him back. I wanted to kiss him but I couldn’t let someone into my life, giving them a chance to walk out and leave me messed up all over again. I abruptly pulled away and got up. “Where are you going?” Aiden said.

“God, I really believed you were different.” 

 Confused, he said. “What are you talking about?” I began to walk away, heading for the door until he pulled my arm back softly.

“I can’t ok!” I shouted. He let go immediately and sighed. “Jesus Malia! This is what you do: You get close to people and then push them away when all they wanted was to be with and there for you. I don’t need this. Have a nice, lonely life Malia.”

He was right, he was so right. I knew he wasn’t like all the other boys at my school, he was different but I was scared. I was scared that once I admitted I liked him, once I let him in, he would hurt me just like my mum did.  

TO BE CONTINUED…

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