What if she killed herself? What would happen then?
Let me tell you what would happen, if the people that love her the most, is forced to say goodbye to her.


1. What if she killed herself?

What if she killed herself? What if she said goodbye in the worst way possible.


Her best friend

She was laughing in her room with her old friends. She saw them for the first time in a long time. It was 8 am. when her mother and father came crying into her room and asked her friends to leave. They did, but with the thought, that something terrible had happened. And they were right. Her mother told her the awful news and gave her a letter. A letter her best friend wrote just for her. She looked into her fathers eyes. And her parents saw the light in their daughters eyes turn into darkness. The laughter turn into crying. And her smile turn upside down. While tears running down her cheeks, she hugged her mother. Her brother tried to hold back the tears, but seeing his younger sister break down in tears, made him be the older brother he had never been. The space next to her, is now empty. Why did she not see it? Why did she not notice the suicidal girl who had been her best friend for so long? How did she not know? She is now staring at the moon and all the stars. Wondering where her best friend went. 


Her younger brother

He teased her and called her whatever came to his mind. Not knowing his older sister was on the edge of committing suicide. The night his mother and father woke him up, to tell him what his sister had done. He could not cry. He just sat there without saying a word, while his heart slowly broke into a million pieces. Now he is breaking down in class. Thinking about what he could have done different. Wishing he had been a better brother. And his friends tries to keep him happy. But they know just as well as everyone else, that for a long time he would not be okay. He would not be himself. 


Her mother

She knew. She had known for a long time. But she thought she was better. She thought her little girl was finally happy. Now she regrets not talking to her. Not asking her if she was okay. Not getting her help. She blames herself, while tears makes everything blurry. And she can not believe the tragedy, that she have to live with for the rest of her life. 


Her father

He found her. On the bathroom floor at 3 am. A glass of pills were dropped on the floor. He called an ambulance. But it was too late. Now he is working late. Trying to cover up the pain. And when he comes home, his daughter is no longer there to fill the silence. What he called terrible music is no longer playing through the walls. And his son is crying in the arms of his mother. He kisses his wife. And hugs her. He can't sleep anymore and he barely eats. He is missing his daughter and will forever be without her. 


The girl 

She never thought this would happen. She had no idea how bad she was. She had known her since grade four. Seven years ago they met for the first time. Her father died when she was seven and then her mother when she was ten. Now she lives in a foster family, who is taking good care of her. She's barely seeing her sister and brother. Why this? Why her? Why is everything in her life falling apart? She lost the persons who gave her life. She misses them every day, and now there is one more  to miss. The person she always thought would be there. She is thinking about the memories. The time before everything got so serious and fucked up. Before any of them worried about their bodies or their futures. Before a stupid kiss could ruin anything, and before they became less close and secrets were something they kept from each other. The smiles and the laughter never died when the were young.


Her old friends

They had almost forgotten about her. They barely thought about her anymore, only a few of them still did. Because she was just another one. Another one they fell out of touch with. Until that morning their parents told them, what their old friend did while they were asleep. And now they don't know what to say. They wonder if they are allowed to cry. Deep down some of them know they are not. Especially one person is dying to cry. But she knows, that she is the reason why it happened. And she will never be able to forgive herself. Others know for sure that they are allowed to cry. Just a few of them meant the world to her. But one boy. He was the one she had been dying to talk to. The one she had been missing, but never talked about. She had been dying to hug him. Because she was deeply in love with him. But he, he never loved her like that, or that much. She never told him, because she was to scared. 


The boy

She had been seeing him three years ago. They never kissed. They were so young. When they got older, they still talked once in a while, and he fell in love. But she never felt the same. Maybe she liked him a bit and maybe she had some feelings for him, but never the way he did. Now he can't breath. Now he can't stop crying. He is dying inside, because he lost the girl he was so terribly in love with. He is wondering how he is going to live the rest of his life without her. Maybe he can't do it. He was almost committing suicide himself. And maybe if no one saves him either. He'll do it.


Her cousins

They are crying at her funeral. All sixteen of them. Remembering memories from when they were younger. All the fun they had. All togehter. That is one of the perks about having a huge family. No one ever gets left behind. Some of them are sitting in the church for the first time after losing a cousin. Others. They lost one more. 


Her aunts and uncles

They don't understand. Some of them are saying goodbye for the first time to a family member that young. Others. They lost one more.


Her grandfather

He lost his granddaughter. He lost a grandchild more. He cries. And he wonder why two of his grandchildren had to leave this world before him. But he hopes they meet in heaven. That they boy and girl he lost, hug each other when they meet again, and hold hands because they are terrified of whats going to happen if they lose each other again. And maybe they will meet their grandmother. And she will know it's them, she will recognize them in a heartbeat, before they tell her their names. Because even though she passed away, when they were still very young, a grandmother knows her grandchildren, no matter how long it has been.


She did not kill herself. But if she did. The world around her would stop.


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