On accident


1. The party

Amanda P.O.V

I really don't know how I ended up here. Well I guess that's not really true , I do know. It's just not something I thought I would ever do. I guess I should start off with how I ended up at a party miles outside my hometown. It started earlier off in the day. I woke up went for a run like I always do, got home , took a shower and sat on my couch half watching tv half texting my friends.

I could hear my mom yelling for me from upstairs. I sighed as I slowly made my way up. I opened the door to find her wrapped up in blankets watching some romance movie with tears running down her face. Everyday. This is all she did now. Lie in bed, watch any romance movie she could find on Netflix, cry and slowly drink herself into a coma. Most times I could barely understand her. She wasn't always like this , from the little I could remember she was very energetic and outgoing when I was younger. My dad broke her , when he left it's like her whole world caved in, I was still here but I might as well have left to, it's not like she would've noticed either way. I personally think we're both better off without him. We were never close , but that's a different story that were not gonna get into right now. He was a toxic person . Especially towards my mom , he was the type of man that seemed so perfect on the outside that everyone wanted to be him , but on the inside he was all sorts of fucked up. Maybe deep down the pressure of seeming perfect destroyed who he was inside, honestly at this point I couldn't care less that he left. Sadly thats not how my mom saw it , he had left us over a year ago and she still couldn't get over it, even though he mentally abused her for the majority of their relationship. She started making more inaudible noises at me, I snapped out of my daze and walked over towards her bed. As I got closer I could see remains of puke on the bed. I tried to ignore it the best I could, I really couldn't stomach doing this today. It was almost a daily routine of mine , take her off the bed, assist her with taking off her clothes and helping her into the shower. As she cleaned away the throw up on her body I cleaned it off the sheets , throwing it into the washing machine after a good scrub and helping her back into bed. Today I decided to let her lie in it, she's doing this to herself. No matter how much I encourage her to look for a job or tell her dads not worth her time, she barely gives me any acknowledgement. After ten months of trying to get her back on her feet I finally realized that there was no helping her, she was way to far gone. In reality she was gone before my dad left us, the abuse he inflicted had already taken its toll years ago, my mom was no longer a person, but a shell of a formal women who was capable of so much love that she could love a man who treated her like garbage. I heard her mumble something like we're out out of vodka and to run to the liquor store and get some more, I don't think she realized I was still only sixteen and couldn't legally buy alcohol. Telling her that would just anger her further , so I stuck with "alright mom , I'll be back love you" to which I got no response , I wasn't surprised though, I hadn't been told I was loved by anyone since I was about five years old. I don't know why I said it to my mom, did I even love her anymore? How could I be sure when she hadn't been a mother to me in so long?

I thought about this as I began to walk towards my boyfriend Matt's house. He always left his doors unlocked and didn't mind when I walked in. So I opened the door, took my shoes off and headed to his room. I could hear voices coming from his room , him and a girls. My body was on autopilot as I walked up to his door and pushed it open. Honestly I wish I could say I was more surprised to see what I saw but I think at this point I was already numb. Matt was fucking a pretty blonde girl by the name of Cassandra. Believe it or not this girl was actually suppose to be my good friend , I mean it's not like I ever really trusted her but I didn't think she would go as far as to sleep with my boyfriend. No tears fell down my face. I was just boiling with anger, not with Matt but at everything wrong in my life, what did I do to deserve the shitty end of the stick. After about another minute of just staring at the two of them, Matt finally seemed to have sensed another presence in the room. He pulled his lips away from Cassandra's long enough to get a glance at me. The look on his face was priceless, the kind of shock you only see in movies. I couldn't help laughing a bit. Now given the situation it probably looked like I was crazy, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to care. Matt pushed himself off of the girl who looked almost as shocked and embarrassed as he did. He ran up to me butt naked not even trying to hide anything and started to repeat my name over an over again like he was saying a prayer. Funny enough this was the first time I had ever seen him naked , we had never gone past heated make out sessions on his couch. I looked at him with the most amused expression I could muster up in my moment of eternal hurt , and said "well hope u guys had fun! Don't let me stop ya". Matts pure look of confusion had me wanting to fall on the floor and cry of laughter , but I knew I had to get out of this house before him & his new toy told everyone how physco I am. I swivelled my body around and made a b-line for the stairs. I felt him grab at my arm as he spun me around. He started pleading with me, saying all types of 'sorrys' and 'I didn't mean it's'. I pulled back my hand as quickly as possible and ran out the front door. Part of me was surprised and disappointed that he didn't run out of his house naked in an attempt to chase after me, that would've been a real sight for the neighbours. I quickly walked down the road laughing to myself just thinking about it. I know what your thinking, do you have feelings ? Don't u care? And the answer is I honestly don't know anymore, sometimes I feel so numb and when I do feel, I try to cover it up with humour. I hate the feeling of vulnerability, I see it on my moms face everyday or when I look at myself in the mirror without putting up any walls. It sickens me to think that anyone can have the sort of power over another person. I began to think about all the guys who had tried to talk to me while I was with Matt & out of respect for him and our relationship I had turned them all down. I laughed harder about that until I hit the ground. I think I sat there for a solid thirty minutes half crying and half laughing before I told myself enough was enough and walked my ass back home. I went straight to my room trying to be as quiet as possible so my mother didn't notice my presence and ask about the alcohol I didn't buy her. I laid in bed and looked at my phone to see twelve missed calls from Matt & thirty seven text messages. I didn't even bother to read them, I quickly deleted our conversation then put his texts on do not disturb so I wouldn't get any notifications from him. I'm so glad throughout our six months of dating, I had never told him where I lived. Now that was more due to my mom and her current situation, but it was definetly coming in handy now. I decided that I would do what every couple who shows off there relationship on social media would do. I deleted all my photos with him and took his name out of my bio. I had nothing better to do so i decided to do my makeup and hair and post a new selfie, captioned "I'm better off". Yes I know it's petty, but after the day I've had I think I'm aloud to be just a little bit immature. Immediately comments and likes started to flood in, clearly a lot of the boys at my school realizing I was available started giving me compliments, I got a few texts from some of my girl friends asking if I was okay, I decided to ignore them. I don't think okay was a good word to describe how I was feeling right now. I started getting notifications of dm's from multiple different ppl , most asking if me and my bf broke up, some saying hey. I just scrolled down until a certain dm grabbed my attention. It was a guy who I had no mutual followers with and he was inviting me to a party outside of my town. I could've jumped with joy at the moment. Getting to party with people that I didn't know and they didn't know me? I think I may have won the jackpot. I then thought about how I didn't have any liquor to bring, damn it I didn't think this through. He quickly responded telling me it wouldn't be a problem and he could hook me up with some. I sent him some flirty emojis in which he replied "can't wait to see u hottie". I had never really done anything like this, I mean I had drank a bit and gone to a few parties in my area but I had never gone on my own and got alcohol from someone i didn't know. It felt exhilarating and dangerous.

I decided to go for one of my more revealing outfits. I started looking at all the outfits I had avoided for so long due to Matt always telling me to "cover up". I got dressed in my black tna leggings that shaped my legs and ass perfectly and a striped low cut crop top that showed just the right amount of cleavage. I double checked my makeup from earlier in the mirror and fixed up a few things. I straightened my hair and made sure my thick winged eyeliner made my deep green eyes pop. I grabbed my phone and put it in the waist band of my leggings and grabbed some change for the bus. I tip toed as quietly as possible past my moms room, I quickly poked my head in just to see her completely passed out. I shut the door and made my way to the bus stop. After about an hour and a half bus ride I got off at the end of the street where the party was taking place. He told me it started at nine and it was around quarter to ten now. I rang on the doorbell only to be greeted by a whole lot of drunk girls who looked around my age. They pulled me inside and took me to the kitchen where a bunch of people where playing truth or dare. I decided I was gonna skip out on that one. The girls started swarming me and screaming in my ear about how pretty I was and how drunk they were. I decided that I was definetly way to sober for this, I told them I would be right back as I made my way around the house in search for the guy who said he would hook me up with some alcohol. After about ten minutes of guys stoping me every two seconds trying to flirt I found him. I went up to him trying to be casual and he pulled me in for a hug. I was shocked for a split second then realized from his strong scent he was totally wasted. I talked to him for a few minutes before I mentioned the alcohol, he then proceeded to pull a bottle of whisky out of his backpack and hand it to me telling me to take a few sips. I put it to my lips and titled my head back and immediately the burning sensation flowed down my throat, I couldn't get enough of it. Not for the flavour, but for the feeling it was giving me. After chugging about half of the huge bottle I heard the guy telling me to slow down. I gave the bottle back to him right before I gave him a peck on the lips telling him thank you. I slowly started to realize I hadn't ate in hours and the alcohol was going to hit me pretty hard. I decided to ignore the nagging feeling at the back of my head telling me that it could've been drugged. Tonight I just wanted to have fun and not have a care in the world. Dance music started blasting from the speakers all through out the room. Guys were approaching girls while the girls started grinding on the guys. Honestly I was a good dancer but Matt had no rhythm, so I never got the opportunity to dance like that on a guy. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the guy who had given me whisky approaching me as I was swaying to the beat of the music. He came up behind me and slowly I started dancing on him. I felt so free, like the world was mine. In that moment there was no alcoholic mother at home or cheating ex boyfriend calling me non stop, there was just my body swaying to the music. As I was still dancing on the guy who's name I never found out my head titled up to survey the room around me. As I looked around the room I saw that most of the girls who had been grinding on the guys had began to lock lips with there dance partners. Just when I was about to do the same, I locked eyes with a boy with shockingly blue eyes and bleach blonde died hair. Usually I would probably make fun of his hair in my head, but something about it worked for him. His face was hauntingly beautiful with a strong jawline that made him almost angelic. He was staring right back at me like we where the only two people in the room. It felt like we had been looking at each other for an eternity when in reality it was about three seconds before some drunk girl pulled him away. I dropped my gaze and continued to dance. I don't know exactly why but I didn't feel like kissing this stranger anymore. Eventually as I got tired I stopped and told the guy I needed a break, he looked like he was gonna protest but decided against it and just smiled at me before walking away. The Alcohol was starting to wear off from all the dancing I was doing, so I searched the house for more. Eventually after pretending I was interested in what some drunk dude was saying to me I asked to try some of his stuff, he responded with a "yea" and I took a big gulp. The familiar drunken buzz returned and I decided to go find another dance partner. When I got downstairs I started dancing with the guy from earlier.

At some point during the song I could somewhat hear a voice asking to cut in. I looked up to see that blonde hair blue eyed boy again, my dance partner was hesitant but yet again he didn't say anything, then again i didn't give him much of a choice when I spoke up and yelled "sure" over the loud music. We danced like that for a while. I could feel his dick print through his pants and I started grinding up against it. Dancing with him was different then dancing with the other guy, I don't really know how to explain it but something about him had me wanting to do things I hadn't done before, not even with my ex. Eventually I turned around to him and we made eye contact for a split second and before I could talk myself out of it, I kissed him. It didn't take long for him to respond with as much hunger and desire as me if not more. We pulled apart for a split second before I dragged him up the stairs to one of the bedrooms. I could hear yelling and cheering coming from the other boys. It's not like it mattered anyways, after tonight I would most likely never see any of them again. I locked the door and we continued to make out for what felt like forever, but the weird thing is unlike with matt, I wasn't getting bored of it. I didn't even know this guy? How could it feel better to kiss him then someone I was dating? It was a hard feeling to explain. I knew even in my now buzzed state I was not ready to go all the way, but I was curious, I looked up at him as I unbuckled his pants making sure it was okay, he licked his lips and looked at me determined. I pulled them down along with his underwear and my mouth went to work. After a few minutes of this, sirens started to blast from outside the house as everyone started screaming "Cops!".

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