The Alighieri School of Fandom

Welcome to the Alighieri School of Fandom. I'm from class Heta-8. The magical box me and a few other guys were working on, uh, brought some Hetalia characters over to the real world, so prepare for some (many) fanatical USUK shippers and extreme ship wars. Reality AU sort of thing.


1. Intros and Tacos

I apologize beforehand if anybody takes insult at anything.

Disclaimer: memes


Marble columns, white arches, a disturbing amount of people holding cups of instant ramen.

This is the Alighieri School of Fandom.

I'm Jennifer Yao. Class Heta-8, connoisseur of memes and anime.

It's like a normal school, really. Classes, tests that make you wish for death. We learn about normal subjects, like History, and we still have to take the fucking AP.

But we're organized by current interest. We stay together, learn together, and suffer the terror of the MMD teacher together. Together, we learn the fine arts. You know, writing fanfiction, roleplaying, that stuff. If you plan on doing something crazy, then you do it with the people accompanying you in the trash can. If you lose interest in your fandom, you leave.

And in this school almost anything is possible. Try me.

The whole Harry Potter fanbase crashed Universal Studios last summer.

Some people in The Mortal Instruments managed to create a recipe for vampirism... And we ended up having to sweep up some ashes.

People from class Re-19(1) died. And woke up tomorrow.

Me and some other people are working on reifying APH characters, and it's actually working sort of ok. A few days ago we managed to summon Herr Shtick.

We got our own little spot in the engineering room for it. There's me, this Aaron guy, and some girl whose name I purposefully forgot. The fanatical USUK shipping one over there.

Oh, fuck. I think Aaron stabbed her with a calligraphy pen. "Don't worry, man, I don't like her either. Did you draw any blood?"

He was like "It's not red ink."

And I was like "No, I mean did you by stabbing her hit a vein and cause whoever she is to bleed."

"No. We should get lunch."

I'm pretty sure that was code for : Let's haul ass before someone finds out.


Each day a different fandom makes the meals. Unless it's one of those tiny ones, like Twilight, then they're provided money to buy loads of Cup Noodle or something.

It was Shingeki no Kyojin(2) this time. We got bread and potatoes. Not the best food, but made it a hell lot easier to locate my friend James. He's in Kyojin-4 and mostly multifandomal, though recently he got stuck in the SnK dumpster.

"Nya, 睫毛!" He's in the back eating a potato with butter. Ew, sour cream is way better.

"Marie called me a rotten papaya." I stare at him. "And then I called her a 小人." He continued. We walk over to an empty lunch table.

Marie's my friend from Anato-7*. "But the insult won't really work, because she is short."

"Yeah, but if I put enough passion into it, people'll know I mean it as a insult." He returned.

I did a 'what the hell' motion"But it's still not an insult. It's like calling someone a soft grape."

"She called me a rotten papaya! It's like the same thing!"

"Okay, rotten papayas are gross, like soft grapes, and you. But nobody will understand it as an insult because people don't insult others by comparing them to decomposing fruit. Instead, they be less creative dumbasses and call them 'asshole' or something."

"Did you call me gross? I thought you were my friend." He declared quite dramatically.

"You have no friends, James."

He gasped "How did you know?!"

Now, before someone accuses me of bullying or something, this is a normal conversation. We get a kick out of insulting each other and 87% of the time we're kidding.

A pair of extremely white hands landed on James's shoulders."Hey James, did you watch Genshiken yet?"

"Ughh no, Connor, I have homework. Oh yeah, during winter break my mom caught me watching anime."

We laugh. "What did she say?"

"So she was like 'What the hell are you doing?'" He imitated in a bad Indian accent. "And I was like 'nothing'."


I turned around "ALL HAIL THE MEME LORD FOR SHE IS PRESENT and when the hell did you get here?"

Emiko was like "Five minutes ago." She's in Class Kiznai-12(3)

"Did you get the potatoes."

"Aiya they didn't have sour cream!" Marie yelled while running over to us. "James, you're still a rotten papaya."


And then I attempted to split them up "Okay, let's shut up and agree on the fact that you're both hemorrhoidal baguettes."

"Callipygian (4)!"

"Nyeh! What the hell does Callipa-bleh even mean?"

That failed. "Emiko, you know where Angelica is?"

"Eh, she's probably in detention or something."

"We have detention here?"

She shrugged "Well, she bitch slapped this guy during Physics so she's in kind of serious trouble."

"Well then. I'm going to annoy some people in Sword Art. Tell her I said hi, and that sour cream-less potatoes are horrible."


Not as much annoy, as to talk to my bro Emily, who actually likes Sword Art Online. To be fair, it's one that's pretty polarized, you either like it or hate it, and I happened to be on the hating side. "Ne ne Doitsu!"

"Jen! Ugh, I totally hate that Oberon guy I just want him to DIE already!"

"... Are you watching Fairy Dance?" Kill me now why do I even know this.

"YES of course I thought you watched it too."

"Just to where the manga ends."

"I haven't read the manga, where're you talking about?"

I thought back a little bit "Uuuh, when Kiroto and Leafa leave the village thing to go to the tree..."

"Okay but just UUGHH I want to fast forward to the end of this arc but I'll miss stuff and whatever."

Whatever happened to Death Note? At least I liked that one, until volume eight became too boring. "Oh yeah, did I tell you France is probably gay?"

"Whyyy? He's so hot..."

Initiating facepalm. Go, hand, meet face comeoncomeoncomeon gogogogogoMOVE. Insert little slappy sound. Nice to meet you, hand! You too, face! Facepalm completed.

"Jen, you should actually watch the anime."

Insert eyeroll here "That's why you have classmates to talk to. And yergh, Kiroto is a total man whore."

"I don't like anyone in my class."

"That's your problem. Listen, I'm done with my food, so I'll be going to the engineering room."


I guess Aaron had some stuff to do, so it was just me and USUK girl, who was off in the corner reading a doujinshi. Mental note to not look at the cover.

A blonde girl threw the doors open and yelled "I BROUGHT TACOS!" Meet my roommate, Sake. That's not actually her name, but everyone's called her that for so long that we don't even know her real name anymore.

Andbutso my slightly hyperactive roommate wheeled in one of those roller things with a box of Taco Bell on top. Though I don't see why she couldn't have just carried the box.

"I hope you got soft ones."

"Yeah, I did." She held one out, moving it away when I reached for it.

"Dude, I want my taco."

"Promise me you'll update your story in the next few days."

Oh, yeah. I'm taking the fanfiction class, so we're required to post stories online. Sake reads mine. "Okay, okay I will. AoT cooked today, so they had buttered potatoes. No sour cream. It was horrible. Just give me my taco."

"Bitch, no. Swear you'll update in two days."

I groaned "Okay, fine, I swear I'll work on the next chapter after classes. I'm almost done. Now give me my fucking taco."

She threw me the box. "Give me the crunchy ones when you're done."

Sake left, leaving me with a box of tacos and USUK girl "You want some soft tacos?"

"Sure, why not."


(1) Re: Zero fandom

(2) aka. Attack on Titan

(3) Kiznaiver

*Grey's Anatomy

(4) Marie only says it to troll others since they don't know what it means.

睫毛 (jie mao)- eyelash (it sounds like James!)

小人 (xiao ren)- literally small person, which is how James means it, but used as an expression calling someone selfish or bad.

Not much Hetalia, but don't worry! It's coming! And will come sooner if you review!


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