Why Am I Here?

This girl wants to know if she is here for a reason and what it is because she is on the verge of killing herself. People tell her that she is beautiful, that she is not fat, etc.; however, she still feels fat even though she is only 100 pounds. She is always cutting herself and she wears long-sleeve shirts & her boyfriend worries about her.


5. Sports & Clubs

Abby- All the sports here at school aren't for me. Soccer: I could never do it because I am not would never be fast enough to keep up. I can't dribble a ball anyway, so what's the point? Cheer-leading: people say it is not a sport, but there is a lot of workout involved, so it kind of is. But I would never be one because I don't want to cheer for other people. I don't want to cheer at pep rallies and then fuck up and then be the laughing stock of the school. Basketball: I'm not tall and a lot of people on basketball teams are freaking giants. Like I said earlier, I can't dribble a ball.

All the clubs seem a little stupid and preppy to me. I don't know why, but I just don't want to join any kind of club or sport because then I would get labeled. If I was on a sports team, I would be called a stupid jock because usually jocks are stupid. If I was in a club, then I would probably get called a nerd. So, really there is no place for me to go except class.



Chris- I love being on the football team. I mean, it clears my head from all this girl drama. If I would have never met her, then maybe my life would have been a little less drama-free, but she would have probably killed herself. Who knows? But I do know one thing and that is that she has never joined any club or sport and I think that she is bored with her life. Maybe if she joined band, she would be better than she is now. But she refuses to join anything because she hates labels and I do too. People label me as "Stupid Jock" and it has stuck with me ever since this person band geek called me that 1 time. High school is so shitty. Everyone thinks that it is all about labels, so they join every single club, but high school is not about labels. I enjoy being on the football team and I just ignore the bitchy comments that people throw in my face. If people would just worry about their own sorry-ass lives, then the whole school would be at peace.


Abby- If I had to pick a sport that I would join, then I would probably join track because running clears my mind. If I'm pissed at something, I run all my frustration out. When I get depressed, I cut. There is no time when I'm happy because my childhood has been taken away from me. When I was 4, my father beat me. My mom was too drugged up to do anything to stop it. By the time I was 10, I had ran away from my parents because I couldn't live with them anymore, and I don't even see how my mom can live with him because he beats her and she doesn't even care. All she says is "Oh, baby. I love you so much, and I will never leave you." My dad probably thinks she is crazy for staying. I'm pretty sure that he wants her gone. They cheat on each other all the time but they never leave each other.

Look, deep down I will always love them because they are my parents, but on the outside, I will never love them again. They have changed me for the worse. I will never be the same person ever again and they know that. I wish that they would have given me up to foster care instead of keeping me because I hated my life back then and I still hate my life now. If I had the chance, then yes, I probably would kill my dad because he doesn't belong here. I would never kill my mom, but I would suggest that she get some mental help. She should know that if your husband is beating on your 4-year-old that you should not be drugged up, you should be doing something to stop it. The only family member that is not fucked up is my brother. He is smart, athletic, in a club, and is just the perfect son. I wish that my parents could love me the way the way they love my brother. If you don't love someone for who they are, then you are being a bitch.


Chris- I love Abby. I will always love her, no matter what. No matter what she wears, if she is skinny or not, etc. I will love that girl till I die because I have known her for a while but we never thought that we would ever get together. I would never want her to die. She needs to get her act together because honestly I want her back. Maybe I can get her back, I just have to try different things until I get it right.




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