Why Am I Here?

This girl wants to know if she is here for a reason and what it is because she is on the verge of killing herself. People tell her that she is beautiful, that she is not fat, etc.; however, she still feels fat even though she is only 100 pounds. She is always cutting herself and she wears long-sleeve shirts & her boyfriend worries about her.


6. Sick


I was at my house doing my homework like a normal kid and then my stupid, drunk-ass father walks in and slaps my face and my homework off my lap. I pick it back up and start working and he gets pissed and then punches me in my stomach. Then, I feel.....oh, shit. I puked right on my dad and he just kept beating me up. He didn't give a shit that I threw up and it just kept on coming out. After I finished I went to the bathroom to wash my face and then I left the house. I took a walk for a while and I didn't know where I was going, all I know is that I was in the woods. I walked and walked and I didn't notice that it was dark and I was too far away from my house to walk back, so I just slept in the woods. I woke up the next morning and somehow, I had a blanket on me............IN THE WOODS! The only that could be possible is if I took one, and I didn't take anything with me when I left the house. So, obviously someone was in the woods with a blanket and they laid it on me to keep me warm.

I really need some soup because I feel so sick. But I think that there are 2 causes to me feeling like I am. I'm not feeling like your normal sick. I don't have that nauseous feeling or a headache, or anything else that you would feel if you were normally sick. This is a different sick and I think it is because of all of my self-harm, but I could be wrong. I just think that sometimes self-harm is the right thing when everyone else says it is the wrong thing. Everyone tells me to save my skin, not hurt myself, not try to kill myself, but I don't listen to them. I go to school and I sit at the lunch table, and I hear people telling their friends: "She should die in a hole.", "Why is she still alive?", "That fucking emo needs to just kill herself." And it hurts, bad. I tell my brother and he says "Well, that sucks. Just ignore them." I try to ignore them, but then they catch me outside the school and push me against the wall and they say "Why the hell are you ignoring us, emo whore?" Then they punch my stomach and let me go and I just lay on the ground until someone finds me, which never happens. 

Chris walks up to me the next day at school and asks me what I was doing in the woods.

Abby- "I had to leave the house for a while because my father had been beating me up."

Chris- "Why didn't you call me?"

Abby- "Because when I left the house, I didn't take anything with me."

Chris- "Well, that is kind of stupid. You should have at least taken a blanket or a big jacket."

Abby- "Wait. Were you the one that put the blanket on me in the woods?"

Chris- "Yes. I didn't want you to be cold and you actually looked comfortable so I didn't bother you, but I just want you to know something. I will always love you, even if we are not together anymore."

Abby- "I will always love you, too. And thank you for that blanket. It was very warm, Chris."

Chris- "I just wanted to make sure that you were safe."



I love Chris, he is sweet. I don't know why I ever let him go. He was the only thing that basically kept me alive because without him, I would probably be dead, but with him I stayed away from the gun. If I didn't have Chris, then I would be dead in a heartbeat because either my dad would kill me or I would kill me.

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