Why Am I Here?

This girl wants to know if she is here for a reason and what it is because she is on the verge of killing herself. People tell her that she is beautiful, that she is not fat, etc.; however, she still feels fat even though she is only 100 pounds. She is always cutting herself and she wears long-sleeve shirts & her boyfriend worries about her.

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4. School

Abby- I walk to school because I don't want to ride the bus because of the fucking humiliation every fucking single day of my fucking lame ass life. I get to school and I have to face all the bitches who call me a whore, slut, nasty, bitch, fat, ugly, etc. I fucking break down and run to the bathroom and sit on the toilet and just fucking cut myself till I fucking feel like I'm about to bleed to death but I know I'm not going to. Then, I cover my arms up with my long-sleeved shirts and go to class. If there was an assignment to speak up in front of the class, the teacher would usually pick a student to speak & I would always go first and I would always hear people making fun of me, laughing at me, making fun of what I was wearing, etc. I would do the assignment and then ask to go to the bathroom. I would keep on cutting myself because these fucking bitches won't stop making fun of me.

Sometimes I skip 2nd period because I'm too depressed to go to class, so I just stay in the bathroom. I have never got caught because no one notices me. I get to lunch but I don't eat anything, I don't even get a milk. I have stopped eating so much, it's unhealthy. Sometimes I will eat like a sandwich for the day and I'm done. I don't like eating a lot because if I will suffer the consequences if I do eat a lot. People like to call me stupid names just because I'm fucking anorexic. My ex thinks that I should eat to where I get healthy again, but I think that if I do, then I won't stop eating and then I will be fat. And then I will have more names and I don't want that happening. See, no matter what happens to me, people still give me nicknames and that is fucking retarded. They need to get help, not me. At least I don't judge other people, I just let everyone be themselves without judging them. Do I think that people need a little help to get to where they can go to school and not get judged? Hell yeah, I do. A lot of people need that. There is this girl in my science class and she dresses like a 6-year-old. It's like "Are we back in 1st grade?" and then there is this guy in my English class who definitely needs to take a shower, or 3. He stinks OMG and his hair is so greasy. I feel bad for saying this shit about these people, but it's true. And if the way they are is for a certain reason, then I can't judge them. I just want people to stop judging everyone.

I even feel like I'm being judged by my parents, the way they push me to be on a sports team. I feel like that they are saying that if I'm not on a sports team, then I'm nothing. But even though I'm not on a sports team, that doesn't mean that I'm not alive, it doesn't mean I don't exist. But they think the exact opposite.

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