Why Am I Here?

This girl wants to know if she is here for a reason and what it is because she is on the verge of killing herself. People tell her that she is beautiful, that she is not fat, etc.; however, she still feels fat even though she is only 100 pounds. She is always cutting herself and she wears long-sleeve shirts & her boyfriend worries about her.


1. Her Life Story

Hey. My name is Abby and I am 14 years old and I will admit that I cut, that I am always depressed, I burn myself & I tried to drown myself in the tub. I also try to suffocate myself, and I tried to hang myself but my boyfriend walked in and stopped me. He got me down and I broke down in tears in his arms. I have tried to kill myself multiple times in so many different ways. My life is so fucked up you wouldn't believe it. My parents don't give a fuck if I die. They don't even know that I do all of this shit because they never pay any attention to me. All they pay attention to is my fucking brother who is what they wanted me to be: someone who is on a sports team or some other shit to where I could get a scholarship to an amazing college, but I don't do sports. I have never been good at them and they know that and they are still pushing me to be on a fucking sports team.


This shit all started when I was 7. I went to school that day and some bitch told me I was ugly. Didn't bother me none because it was only one person. But then the whole school started calling me ugly, nasty, a whore, & a whole lot of other names. And all of this shit kept going on until Summer break. That was when we moved to a different school district. You would think that that shit wouldn't follow you to a different school, right? Wrong. I got called a whore every single day of my fucking life and that is when I started to try to kill myself. Middle school got worse. I just got more names that people would call me and I couldn't a single thing to stop it. I tried to get my parents to do something, but they are always watching TV, and like I said, they don't give a fuck about me. So I was stuck with the name "Nasty Abby" and it made my life miserable. People called me fat and I wasn't fat and I knew it, but I stopped eating a little and I got a lot skinnier and then that just made people call me different names, so I was just like "Fuck it." I tried killing myself a lot. And it didn't work. The only person that cares about me is my boyfriend, Chris, and we met in high school and things got a little better, but the names never died down. He tried sticking up for me, but he just got some nicknames too and it's all my fault because I'm his girlfriend. I feel so bad for him. I feel like I need to die, but he would not let me kill myself. I love him for that, but I know that I need to leave. He needs to stay because maybe if I leave and he stays, then he won't have the nasty nicknames anymore. I hate them fucking bitches. All they want to do is bring people down.


I wish that I never got called ugly in the first place, but you can't control what people say. You can only control what you say and do. But honestly, I don't want to control myself. I want to just go up to her and all of the other people and punch the hell out of them. I don't care what happens, if they fight back, if they don't fight back, but I just want to punch the hell out of them. My parents won't care, either. I'll tell them that I punched a group of people and they'll say "Did it hurt?" That is how much they care. I just want the parents that loved me when I was a baby back because I miss them so much. I don't think that I am going to get them back though unless I join a sports team and I am never doing that. I am not going to be like my brother. I don't care how much my parents push me to be like him, I will never be like him. Yeah, I love my brother, but I don't want to be him.

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