Ahs a critical review

a critical review of the tv-show American Horror Story. In these reviews i will go in debt about what i like and don't like about the tv-series

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1. Cynical Critic. Ahs Episode 1

 

So, it is the prelude and the first thing that I hear is, is that… Alan Silvestri? Okay that is a pretty fitting piece of music. Then we have a shot of a little girl and then we hear the first line of the whole series. “Troy you’re a dork. “the dialogue for the two ginger twins is rather odd, or not just rather odd, really odd. I mean who the fuck says: I hate trees? Then we have quite a fun scene with the two boys smashing everything, while I enjoyed the scene I do think the music could have been used in a better scene but still the montage of them destroying the house it quite amusing. I should say the boys acting Is decent for boys in their age. Then we get a very subtle, and by subtle, I mean not subtle at all, foreshadowing, because, right after demon baby kill the two twins we cut to Vivien talk with a doctor about her period -_- well how fucking subtle.

 

 

 We find out that, Viv’s husband, Ben is cheating on her. I always ask myself why could they not wait until the main title had been shown, to show this scene?

 

 We then get yet another obvious, hint of what is going to happen by images of babies, babies, and even more babies. Although I will say the whole other idea of everything burning gives it a nice creepy touch, because while it is not very subtle, it is creepy.

We then have a car scene where we are introduced to, Viv’s and Ben’s daughter, Violet. The first thing I am thinking is, we are going to have an interesting character which is not just a stereotype of a depressed teenager. Boy, was I wrong, why was this a good idea? Why does people think like they must do this? So many questions, but so few answers. While we teenagers do tend to be moody at times, that is not a mood we are in all the time, we can also be happy, sad, scared a lot of different feelings and emotions, not just sadness, anger, and satirical happiness all the time. As you can read I already, find Violet annoying as hell.

 

They have an ordinary but funny conversation about, how Violet wants to pee.

we have an awkward moment where Ben tries to hold Viv’s hand but is quite subtle but harshly rejected.

 

 

They get a tour of the house, or we would have, if Miss Edgy, didn’t come and fuck it up. Just after the family have been told that the passed owners died in there, you can even see the “fuck this shit “in Ben’s eyes, and then she just says “we’ll take it “and then they just buy it, overparenting much?

 

 

Then we have a scene about Ben and Vivien’s relationship. The dialogue is okay, but the acting is what makes this scene so good. Both Dylan McDermott and Connie Britton did an amazing job. Connie Britton have been in some of the very greatest TV shows, such as: West Wing, Friday Night Lights, and 24 Hours. I haven’t checked out so much by Dylan McDermott, but I much say after this performance I am going to check more out from him

 

 

We then have a scene of Violet spitting someone in the face, yes, I know, the girl was a prick, but still that does not excuse Violet for her behavior. O.o.

The whole scene is a mess of things that should not happen in real life and don’t you dare make the excuse that. “Uhhh, Uhh, you reading too much into it, it is a horror show It shouldn’t be realistic. “well then I have one thing to say. “you don’t know fucking jackshit about good horror movies. “because when a horror movie is more realistic, or subtle with its surrealism it’s in some cases more effective than the cheap jump scare we see nowadays. But the scene is overall, just laughable.

 

 

 

We then have a very cheap jump scare, and unfortunately it is one of the moments, where I go “fuck you. “because it is just a woman saying you’re going to die in here. The problem with jump scares nowadays, is that there are no consequences, nothing happens, you get scared and that’s it, same thing with comedy, What?! Oh, yeah, right, back to the episode.

 

 

 

Sorry, but Constance’s accent just really kills every god damn time. The whole part of the scene, where Adelaide is in, is the best. From the dialogue, to Vivien’s really confused expression to the dialogue, the scene is just really amusing to watch.

 

We then have a scene with Constance and Viv, the writer has done a great job putting both Character and Lore, into this dialogue. But again, I love the actors, one of the funniest moments of the episode is when Viv, says. “it has been so nice meeting you. “while shaking her head and her eyes having a look of, fuck off and drop dead. This is one of the better scenes of this episode, besides the very annoying jump scare in the start of the scene. But other than that, this scene is great.

 

 

Then Vivien gets scared by a kinky rubber suit, well wasn’t that an awfully weird line to write? But anyhow she gets scared. Although I wonder. Hadn’t they checked the house before buying it. Oh wait -_- I just forgot that the teen depression stereotype existed, and then Ben throws the suit out.

 

 

Tate is introduced in, a very good manor, that fits his character, the dialogue and acting is good, but the use of cinematography and imagery is astonishing, it almost has a Lyncian feel to it.

 

 

WELCOME TO SQURRIELS EXPLAIN WORDS (THAT SOMETIMES HE DOSEN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND) (BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED)

 

This Is the part where I explain a word or a concept in less than 5 lines.

 

The word Lynchian comes from the film director, and writer, David Lynch. It describes a feeling of unease. Example if you have a character that talks forewords but it sound likes he talks backwards, that is Lynchian. It can also be used through the ideas of wacky imagery, for instance in a scene for twin peaks a woman is seen going back and forth between to chair while screaming backwards. Now that is Lynchian.

 

Tate has a spectacular interesting character that I am looking forward to see more of, we then have some cuts to a striptease of Tate shooting up a bunch of people. Although I don’t see why people seem to like Tate, yes, he is hot. But that still does not take away the fact that he’s a mass murdering psychopath?!

We also have some cuts to Violet who… wait…. What? Seriously. No really. She Cuts?! That is just the cheapest way of shocking people I have ever seen, let’s just forget that happened and move on.

 

 

Ben wakes up to find out. Omg, he’s a moron. What a twist. But no seriously he wakes up and starts to hear voice that apparently tells him. “go down to the chimney without close on and then turn It on, for no apparent reasons other than for shits and giggles. “And Ben obeys, as the moron he is. Then, Skylar is like “what the fuck Walt, you’re peddling meth?!” Oh shit, wrong show, wrong show. And then Viv is like what the fuck are you doing Ben? To Which Ben replies. “am in a dream. “

 

Now it’s day time, and Viv is hanging some clothes up, while suddenly, she gets scared by another person coming up from behind, seriously give this woman a lot, she’s been through a lot like: Being a victim to Ben, being a victim to cheap jump scares, being a victim of lazy writing. Wops did I say that aloud?

 

The Old ginger lady asks to get a job, but Viv is like “fuck off.” But Old ginger lady is like, “I’m goanna try to impress you to hire me. “Then Viv is still like. “fuck off. “Then ginger lady is like. “can I use you phone?” and then apparently, Viv ask her to have a cup of tea with her whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

 

 

And then Viv is like. “I don’t like gossip, but I do.  “Old ginger Lady now tells the story of how she finds the two bodies. Viv asks if Old ginger lady, ever gets tired of cleaning other people’s messes. To which Old ginger lady replies. “we’re women that’s what we do. “Wait how does that make any sense, both figuratively and literally, I clean the kitchen every evening when I’m home on vacation. But in figurative sense boys also clean up a lot of things, I’m still cleaning one my friends messed up relationship, and one of my other bros clean up my messes, like basically we are all cleaners and all get cleaned, no matter what kind of gender. So, Fuck off with that shit!

 

And suddenly Old ginger lady, is now Hot Ginger lady. A good concept, that really ads a lot of depth to the different characters. Basically, Hot ginger lady makes people, horny.

 

 

 

Ben then have a talk with Tate about, how he’s afraid that his weiner won’t work because he has girlfriend. Oh yeah, by the way, Ben rambles on about, how everybody can get better, and how he won’t call the police, but wouldn’t you know it, a few days later he calls the police, Ben if you want to calm down a fucking psychopath, don’t lie to him.

 

Tate and Violet now talk about their cutting marks and their crippling depression, okay, writers I know you’re trying to flesh out the characters but can you at least not do It in a obvious stereotypical way, like I get, that they’re depressed and shit, but you don’t talk about in an ordinary conversation, unless you really don’t know how to talk to people or writer teen character, like I don’t get how they could fuck up this badly on writing a character, while Tate Is clearly very well written. They are about to talk about angsty teen music, when they are suddenly interrupted by my hero, Ben. Tate gets mad (oh wait he already is) and runs off.

 

Then Ben sees hot ginger lady, and gets horny. He jerks it off, and cries. What. The. Fuck. The writers, must have been like, “let’s base a really fucked up and unnecessary scene out of our cards against humanity game. “and then they all played cards against humanity and had lunch

 

Burning man, now has a jump-scare where he appears from curtains… again. Wait, what? Writers, don’t you get it, horror is like comedy, if it gets done more than one time it isn’t funny anymore.

 

Nan scares the shit out of Vivien. Again!? Guys didn’t we just talk how you shouldn’t do the same thing again. “sorry. “It’s allright but like this is the last, time. god dammit. But anyway, Constance threatens Ben and Viv and then proceeds to leave.

 

Violet busts Ben getting seduced by hot ginger lady, and we have some very over the top, the shining style fast paced close-ups. 

 

 

Violet gets the shit, bitch slapped out of her, and lit another girls hand with a lit cigarette. Because remember kids when you’re being bullied, that means you have the right to burn someone with a lit cigarette, because that’s okay.

 

Then Bill and Hillary argues about the election, oh wait… Political joke. Look, how intelligent I am. So, I get that they are mad at each other but it’s just the same scenes over and over, like what the fuck, this reminds me of the worst movie in existence. I think you all know what that is…

(insert you are tearing me apart Lisa meme)

It’s the room, the movie I’m referring to is the room.

The dialogue and the acting is fucking dreadful. It’s like a school play of a Shakespeare play but written by a toddler.

 

 

Tate and Violet plans to scare the shit out of the bully, by offering her drugs. This is a dumbass plan, like the risk of the bully, figuring out that she doesn’t have drugs, is enormous. But the Bully is apparently completely clueless about what the fuck is going on around her. A little 101 in how to be a pusher, just kidding, but you don’t just come up to a person and say I have drugs, wanna buy. Unless you’re atrocious at peddling drugs. You can’t just say: “I’m a good pusher, buy something from me. “ and expect everybody to suck your dick, you have to build a reputation  And what’s up with the dumb hat. What the fuck?

 

Viv have sex with some guy in a rubber suit. It’s clearly not Ben, because he’s down in the kitchen playing with fire again. Then Constance tells him “Go bed. “

 

Then Tate and Violet, scares the shit out of the coke hoe, by making an epileptic scene and scratching her face, then Violet is like. “what the fuck was that? “then Tate tries to avoid the fact that he’s a demon baby, Violet ask why he scratched her. And then he’s like. “maybe she ran into a wall or something.” What? You don’t get big parallel scratching marks by running into a wall? And then he gets mad again.

 

 

Desert festival runs after Ben, just to say that his family is in danger. Because stalking a family-father is a great way to warn him. (Here’s a secret) It’s not. He of course gets the shit scared out of him and is like what the fuck? The editing in this scene is completely the shining, only difference is, the shining actually does it well, so you don’t get confused as fuck.

 

 

He tells the story of how he once burned his family alive, I must give credit to Denis O’Hare, he really is my favorite actor on the show and in my opinion a bit underrated. Not to say that the other actors are bad, not at all, but Denis O’Hare is the best actor on the show. But his character unfortunately is goddamn stupid. Like how can you get out of prison because you have cancer, how does that make any sense? That would be like saying, “Oh, Hi Charles Manson. How are you? ““not good I have brain cancer. ““Well that’s not good, you know what you’re free to go.” I will say the story line of a person killing his own family is quite dark and sad, after that it just gets dumb. But then Ben is like, “Fuck you. Leave me alone. “and runs off.

 

 

 

Constance steals thing but, Old ginger lady. “Yo get the fuck out of my house, bitch. “ And then Constance is like. “I do whatever I want. “and then plot twist, old ginger lady is a ghost. It seems like it should be a surprise but I really feels like it was obvious, but maybe I’m just an arrogant asshole oh wait, I am.

 

In some way I would say the last made up the rest of this mess of a pilot, but it doesn’t. but the last scene is actually pretty good, the music is effective, the acting is natural, the writing is subtle while still strong. It’s just a great scene

 

 

So what did I think of this episode, well for a normal episode, I would it was alright, like it wasn’t all that bad but it wasn’t all that great either. But for pilot episode, this was a total mess, yes, I know that pilot episode tend to be a bit weird at times, but not on this scale. 



 

The authors thanks to: Alvi Sumberg-Olsen and Asbjørn Nordklittgaard for reading my long review through.

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