Faery Heroes

Response to Paladeus's challenge "Champions of Lilith". Harry, Hermione, and Luna get a chance to travel back in time and prevent the hell that England became under Voldemort's rule, and maybe line their pockets while they're at it. Lunar Harmony; plenty of innuendo, dark humor, some bashing included; manipulative!Dumbles; jerk!Snape; bad!Molly, Ron, Ginny

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8233288/1/Faery-Heroes

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2. To-Do List

When Harry finally regained consciousness, he was terrified that something had gone dreadfully wrong. The air smelled sterile, like nothing could live where he now was. His entire body ached as if his bones were burning underneath his skin, and once he opened his eyes, he was blinded by the bright light pounding on his face.

A blink and a second glance revealed to him that he was in Hogwarts' Hospital Wing, the absolute last place he wanted to start his new life in. The question that now plagued him was both simple and extremely important: When in Merlin's name am I?

He ran through his memories. Can't be first year, I'm much too big for me to be then, and the only time I was in here, there was a giant pile of sweets next to me. I don't hear anyone else, he looked around to find himself alone, so it isn't when Lockhart vanished my bones, and I wasn't here at the end of that year, so not second. No broom fragments or Hermione and Weasley, so not third. The end of fourth is a possibility. I wasn't here overnight fifth or sixth year, and wasn't at Hogwarts at all for seventh.

So, looking at things logically like Hermione always wants us to, it's the end of fourth, after the Third Task. I was only here for one night, so Madam Pomfrey should be coming over –

"And how are we today, Mr. Potter?"

– right about now.

"Honestly, I would sell you my firstborn for a pain-relief potion," he said.

He knew the admission was out of character for him at this period in time, but he was too afraid of what could happen to him if he were dishonest. When he and the girls first fell into a relationship, their number one, absolutely least favorite of his traits was his habit of saying 'I'm fine' whenever someone asked about his health. They had spent several months attempting everything they could think of to break it, but it wasn't until he had to spend three weeks sleeping on the couch while they were clearly and loudly having sex that he finally got the message. If Hermione found out that he had reverted back to his old ways, she would demand a refresher course, and he was not going back to that.

Pomfrey, contrary to his expectations, did not seem disconcerted by his openness. Instead, she came over to the side of his bed and lightly patted one hand. "I'm sorry, Mr. Potter, but you were exposed to the Cruciatus. There is no potion or spell that can alleviate the pain; that is why the curse is an Unforgivable. If a treatment existed, you wouldn't have to offer me anything for it. The only thing that will make you feel better is time and rest."

She drew her wand and performed a scan over his body. "Thankfully, the aftereffects are disappearing at a far faster rate than normal, so you should be completely pain-free by tomorrow."

"Does that mean I have to stay in here today?" he asked. "Or can I leave and come back tonight?"

Frowning, she considered the question, which was far more cooperative than he had ever seen her. "If you promise to keep from any strenuous activity, and if you have someone to help you when you need it, and if you return if the pain gets worse, then yes, you can spend the day with the other students and return tonight. Tipsy!"

Harry fought hard to contain his laughter as the elf popped into the wing. Elves could do many things, but hold their liquor was not one of them. He still remembered how Winky had been after Crouch had dismissed her—

Winky and Dobby! We traveled in time, so they're still alive! Both elves had died in the Battle of Hogwarts in the old timeline, but that was not going to happen now. They would live for much longer and be much happier, he would make sure of it. In fact, unless I totally misinterpreted Dobby's words, he had wanted to bind himself to me since I freed him from Malfoy.

Harry was so deep in his thoughts that he was unaware of Tipsy's activities until the elf placed fresh clothing on the foot of his bed. His attention back on the outside world, he thanked the elf and put on his clothes, before grabbing the thousand galleon prize and departing from Madam Pomfrey's domain.

Girls, twins, or elves?, Harry wondered. Each choice had its own benefits.

When Voldemort rose for the third time, the trio had been at the front of the new Order of the Phoenix. In their second battle, which was also the resistance's last, both Hermione and Luna had been seriously injured; Hermione had been hit with an unknown spell and was in a coma for five weeks, while Luna had so much damage to her abdomen that she was no longer capable of bearing children. He had been reluctant to have them out of his sight for a long time following that, and they had then spent almost two years constantly in each other's presence. He wanted them next to him, but he also knew that the other two endeavors he had planned would be more successful if he were alone.

He had been unaware of how much money his stake in Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes had made for him until after the Second Voldemort War was over. The twins had only granted him a ten percent share, but in the year since they opened the store, they had made several hundred galleons for him. If he played it smart, he could get a much larger proportion of the profit, as well as some voice in what products were sold there. If he had his way, they would never produce love potions again!

Dobby and Winky would be invaluable to the trio if they desired to restore Potter Manor once more, which he suspected both of his lovers did. They would also be able to find the Weasley twins and his girls and take him to their locations. Of course, Hermione still hated the idea of house-elf slavery, and even though SPEW was no more, she would have kittens when she found out. Hopefully, his and Luna's usual strategy to counter her high-handedness would likely make her stop and think about what she was saying.

His mind made up, he softly spoke, "Dobby?"

There was a pop followed by a cheerful projectile slamming into his knees. Harry laughed and pulled the elf off of him before kneeling to be on the same level.

"Harry Potter sir calls Dobby?" the elf asked, bouncing slightly on his heels.

"Yes, Dobby, I did. I had a question and was wondering if you could help me."

Dobby smiled even wider, if that was possible. "Dobby be answering any questions Harry Potter sir has."

"Thanks, Dobby." Harry ignored his companion's praises and continued, "You see, I recently found out that I have a number of family properties that haven't had anyone to take care of them, so I was wondering if you knew of any elves that were free and wanted a family or any that were in bad situations, like the one you were in with the Malfoys, and wouldn't mind being bought and working for me."

"Dobby knows elves like that," he sadly whispered. "Does Harry Potter sir know of one that he wants special?"

"No, I don't have any I want in particular. Perhaps Winky would be willing to be my elf." Harry paused to plan out his next his words. "If you weren't so happy working here, I'd steal you away in an instant."

"Harry Potter sir wants Dobby to be his elf?" This thought had Dobby's ears perk up. "Dobby is being very happy to be Master Harry Potter sir's elf!"

His little friend's enthusiasm brought a smile to his face. "I'm happy you're happy. There's just one problem, I don't know how to take on a house-elf. Is there some ritual or oath we need to go through?"

"No, Master Harry Potter sir. Master Harry Potter sir said he wanted to have Dobby as his elf, and Dobby wanted to be his elf. Now Dobby is Master Harry Potter sir's elf!"

Harry needed a moment to wade his way through the quagmire that was Dobby's speech, but was ultimately unsurprised by what the elf was saying. Over the years, he had learned that magic was more about intent than anything else, and since he and Dobby intended the same thing, it made a sort of twisted sense that that was all binding an elf to the family took. He shook himself out of his musings and continued with his plan. That's one brought in, now for the other.

"Well, that was certainly easier than I expected, Dobby, but I have a lot of properties that need to be restored. I don't want to rely only on you and have you hurt yourself or become exhausted. Would you be willing to work with another elf…" he backtracked when he saw Dobby's downcast expression, "Maybe one whose responsibilities was caring for the house while yours was caring for the family?"

"Dobby not bes mind having Winky works with him. Missy Hermy and missy Lunie be needing an elf, too, and Dobby knows not if he can take care of alls three."

Harry nodded. "Yes, Hermione and Luna could also need help. Wait…" He stared at Dobby. "How did you know that I'm with them?"

The elf looked at him like he had asked how to turn himself into an blue elephant. "Dobby knows about Master Harry Potter sir. Dobby has to, to be the best elf Master Harry Potter sir can have. But Dobby be keeping his Master's secrets and not be telling that Master Harry Potter sir and his missies cames from the future." Dobby bounced on his feet once more. "Dobby be making sure Winky be able to take care of Master Harry Potter sir. Calls if Dobby be needed." With a snap of his fingers, the exceptionally devoted elf was gone.

Harry stood where he was for several minutes before he made his way from the corridor. He needed to hear someone speak in an understandable manner to get Dobby's peculiar speech out of his head.

Time to hunt down the Weasley twins.

Fred and George were master pranksters, and as their position demanded, had a large workspace in addition to a number of small caches hidden around the school. Normally, finding their inner sanctum would be impossible. Normally, no one would be able to even get close.

Normally, the one pursuing them didn't have years of experience with the Marauder's Map.

As the twins had told Harry long ago, there were seven passageways marked out on the Map. Filch knew four of them, but three were safe. One was the route behind the statue of the one-eyed crone on the third floor that led to Honeydukes. Another was the tunnel running from the Whomping Willow to the Shrieking Shack. The third, behind a mirror on the second floor, had collapsed, and it was to this last that Harry walked. Upon coming to the mirror, he tapped it with his wand and whispered, "I am the fairest of them all."

He grinned as the mirror seemingly melted from the wall. There had to be some way to alter the passwords for these passages, as it was highly unlikely that what was the Founders originally chose; he wondered who had been inspired by a fairy tale.

Harry had to carefully pick out his path in the hall beyond the mirror. The room itself was in magnificent condition, but along both walls were long lines of tables covered with partially rendered ingredients, and on the floor were rows and rows of cauldrons, each busily simmering away. He took a brief look at some of them as he walked to the end of the passage, and recognized pain-relievers next to swelling solution, and he thought he noticed one cauldron full of a possible Polyjuice variant. The smell was so terrible and his eyes so busy finding safe places to set down his feet that he had to follow his ears to find the dastardly tricksters.

Thankfully they were present; he would have hated to have come all this way to discover they were not even in the room. They were busy weighing livers and measuring volumes of plant extract, so busy in fact that they had yet to notice the intruder in their laboratory cum playground. An evil smirk stretched across his face as he magically silenced his footsteps and snuck up behind them.

"What's that?" Even if they tried to prank him from now until the day he died, it would still not diminish the hilarity of the 'Marauders' Successors' almost literally jumping out of their skins.

"How did you get in here?!" demanded one brother.

"And why?!" shouted the other.

Harry's smile grew so large that it began to hurt his face. "The Map, and to talk to you."

"And what would…"

"…Harry Potter…"

"…Triwizard Champion…"

"…object of girls' adoration…"

"…and fear of evil Dark wizards everywhere…"

"…want with us?"

Tired of watching a verbal tennis match, Harry held up one hand. "I have a… business proposition, you could say. It stands to make a lot of money if done right, but I will only reveal it to you if you two will stop doing that!" His ire purged, he took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Okay, Harry, don't blow your top. How about you and I chat over there while this brother of mine continues what we were doing before your intriguing words?" the brother on the left said as he placed his arm around Harry's shoulders and guided him back towards the entrance. "Fred and I were in the middle of a somewhat delicate stage in our brewing."

At the beginning of the hallway, George turned to him. "Now, what is this about some business we can help you with?"

"I heard through the grapevine that Bagman's done a runner to get away from the goblins, so I figured that you two still hadn't gotten the money he owes you from the World Cup."

"That's right," George snarled. "Over thirty-seven galleons gone. It took us eight years to collect just that much. We wanted to open a joke shop, but without any funds, that's not going to happen."

George was exactly where Harry wanted him now. Over the past years, he had discovered just how much power lies, manipulation, and misdirection truly held. They were how Dumbledore moved him like a pawn on the chessboard, how Voldemort made the most arrogant wizards in Britain little more than his personal attack dogs, and how he and his loves had survived in the chaos of the Magical-Muggle civil war.

"Well, you know that the prize for the Triwizard Champion was a thousand galleons, quite a bit of money. Now, I don't need it myself, but I was thinking that my favorite pranksters might want it to open their joke shop…"

"That is a very generous offer. What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing much," Harry said with a faux innocent expression. "Just a small voice in the company and a bit of the incoming money. Net, of course, not gross."

George sighed. "How much?"

"Forty percent."

"What?! You want ownership of almost half of the business! Not going to happen, so not going to happen. We can give you… fifteen percent, but nothing more."

"Then I guess I'll take my thousand galleons elsewhere." At George's shock, Harry knew he had him. The key was to keep the red-head looking where he wanted, the size and cost of the investment, and not where he really really didn't, why Harry wanted the incoming money so badly when he had implied he had more than enough. Fixing Potter Manor wouldn't be cheap, and since he was no longer an adult, he had limited access to the main family vault. Besides, the twins had stood back and let Molly, Ron and Ginny go on with their plans; they deserved a bit of payback.

"George, George, George. Georgie – you don't mind if I call you Georgie, right? – you seem to have a bit of a misconception. This isn't a negotiation; you need my money more than I want a share in a company that has no guarantee of success. I'll be nice, though, and only take ten percent for the next two years, let you have time to graduate and set the shop up, before I start collecting my whole share. If you do well and show me a reason for expansion, either in product or location, I could be willing to float you the cash free of interest. That's a better deal than you'll get from Gringotts, I can tell you that.

"So, George Fabian Weasley, do we have a deal?"

Harry left their 'office' half an hour later, lighter by a thousand galleons but with a freshly written contract and a dark sense of satisfaction. His errands run, it was time to find his darling lovers.

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