Winnie Resigns

everything is about is My story, is real thoughts, experience

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7. Why did you stop me?

Dear Diary,

I was going to do it, why did they stop me? I'm done with this cruel world. I'm just hurt everyday. How am i meant to be happy when Im crying. I cry everyday I hate this world and I hate everything/everyone in it. why doesnt God want to take me away. I had 3 methods that i was going to do to kill myself.  My first thing was cutting deep in wrist so that i pop my veins and just die in the shower, i had the blade on my hands and then i thought about how my mum would react seeing me on the ground dead and that made me cry even more because I dont want to hurt my mum but thats hurting her and my family. I then thought about standing on my bed close to the fan and then let the fan cut my neck off but then i looked down and my brother was on the bed and he only 7, i cant hurt him like that, he cant see my head lying on his bed. my last options was the option i was going to go with and that was chocking myself/hanging myself up. I had a materiel around my neck, i was going to do it. i was cry so much, i prayed nothing worked, i have tried everything. NOTHING IS WORKING. I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE! Im just tired, I get called so many bad things. I get so much shit get told to go kill myself, my dad left me cause im irrelevant. Im not worth it, Im terrible. IM SO SICK OF EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. WHY AM I HERE!!??? I JUST GIVE UP. they say be strong, you can do it to be honest I CANT DO IT. IM NOT STRONG. I KEPT PULLING THE MATERIAL TIGHTER AND TIGHTER. I pulled it so tight I couldnt breathe. and the my brother woke up and I stopped it, i dont want people to see me doing it. I need to do it alone, I dont want anyone watching. I sent a video on snapchat saying "I love you guys, Bye" and then i said to "my best friends I love you, do good, make me proud okay dont ever stop making me happy " they knew what i was talking about, they said "Winy, Dont do it, your strong, dont do it" they called me, i blocked them on messenger, they posted on my timeline, they told my older sister (she doesnt live with me anymore). they were about to call the police, they said dont give up. but in my mind i was just dont I wanted to give up so bad. right now I still want to give up......

this isn't a fiction story, Its my life right now 

Winnie xx

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